Good to see you again.  How have you been?

Hi there eye, i just wrote how the part few months were. i'm doing absolutely great,b"h. FINISHED DAY 38! I hope i won't fall during bein hazemanim. Daven for me!! Loi-m

You are a constant inspiration to me - thank you!

Hi there guys! TODAY IS NO. 50! First i would just like to bring two points I saw in a sefer. I have heard this many times before, that our generation is like the generation of the dor hamidbar before they entered eretz yisrael. The last big nisayon the yidden had was the nisayon of baal pe'or.  What was behind this test? It was the test of emuna. Every person continuously asks himself, what is behind all this technology and mainly the terrible urges of lust. It's the worlds' biggest problem today. Why is this test so significant before the coming of mashiach, are there no greater sins, than just the sin of lust. R' yisrael lugasi writes that it is known that klal yisrael would fall into the fiftieth level of tumah and hashem would pull us out of there when mashiach. The fiftieth level is not the whole issue of sex etc., it is the biggest level of kefira and lack of emuna in the ribbono shel olam. So how does sex play a role in that. He explains that the sin of ba'al pe'or was avoda zora not the actual zenus with benois mo'av. The best tactic of the y"h to make a person serve avoda zora is with the enticing of zenus. No one would listen to the y"h if he would come straight to the person and tell him to become an apikoiros, the guy would just laugh him out. So the y"h comes in the form of enticing to sin in sexual matters, once he's caught him in his web, he eventually convinces him to become an apikoiros. This is why our generation is being tested in such a difficult way. I'm not coming to argue on the twelve steps, but just pointing out that there is really only one step to fight back and that is with strengthening our EMUNA. There are plenty of seforim and books that can help up strengthen our emuna. The chofetz chaim foundation, tisha ba'av event spoke about this along with new ideas to help us. May they all be blessed for their amazing work! 

The second point i read in the same sefer is more for bochurim in shidduchim. I have been in the parsha for over half a year. He writes that people think,'when i get married, i'll serve hashem with purity, what can i do, it's not my fault that i have not yet found the right one, that is why i'm having this terrible struggle and keep on falling'. I admittedly have sometimes have these thoughts. R' yisrael lugasi writes that the gemara says 'an unmarried person that lives in this city and doesn't sin, Hashem praises him in heaven daily' [just a thought, it says 'in the city', in the city it's always harder than outside]. Every day one is unmarried and doesn't sin and overcomes his lust, he can acheive more than he would when he is married. Every day one is not married, it's part of the master plan, but only for our good. Yes, it's painful at times, and one sometimes falls and feels very upset about it, but one should feel the good side too. Can you imagine? Every day that passes, being a sin-free day (each person in his own level) hashem is praising you, and davka you, more than your married friends, in heaven. I just saw this today and it gave me alot of chizzuk and i thought i'd share it. May we all be zoche to find our 'zivug hogun' at the right time!

The third part of my posts is about my current situation. B"h i'm almost fifty days free from mast. The past few day were very difficult and i fell in the area of shmiras einayim on the street and having lustful thoughts. I felt very down yesterday because of it, i had succeeded in these areas for over a month. It felt like a fall to me. But i told myself 'listen you started originally the count to ninety on not mast. And so far b"h you have not done it (it was very difficult, but every time at the last minute, i couldn't bring myself to do it, i can begin to see the  ninety day count is beginning to take affect). Hopefully i'll manage to become lust-free again really quick. Hatzlacha guys in your own nisyoinois and may we be zoche to greet mashiach speedily in our days. 

Hatzlacha to you.  You're doing great!