First of all, my usernmane. My first name is Akiva. When I was younger I would think, well, if I'm anything like Rebbi Akiva, I'll be an apikores until 40. But knowing that, I thought to myself, well, number one, I'm a pretty good kid. What could go wrong? Two, I have the advantage of hindsight. I know what I'm getting into. No way I'll ever be that bad. Anyway, that was before my Bar Mitzvah. 

We all have struggles, even Rebbi Akiva. Our struggles aren't the same. I hope I can overcome my struggles before I turn 40-- much before.

I've been at it for around 7 years. Today I start 90. Still not sure how much I want to say on this forum, or whether I'll continue to post. But here's for day one. 

Welcome.
Hatzlacha on your journey!

Welcome to the party! 

There is so much to learn from the chevra here...you just gotta stay around and get to know the people.

What are some things you tried to do to stop?

Keep it one day at a time and BEZH you will get to a place you never thought possible.

Wishing you much success on your journey!

Wishing you much hatzlocha!

If you ever need anything feel free to pm me 

TO paraphrase Rebbi Akiva: If drip by drip water can make a hole in a rock, then day by day you can make yourself stronger and stay clean. 

Thank you all for the חיזוק.

I had a fall last night so I’m back at 0. It’s really tough. I’m not sure there’s a person in my offline life that knows what I’m going through. I know there isn’t a person in my life that knows what I’m going through. I’m less concerned with the double life I’m living— although that does bother me sometimes. I’m more concerned with how my loneliness in all this makes me feel. I honestly think that I’m at it alone, and I’ll always be at it alone. And I’m somehow uniquely entrenched in this addiction. Those were the feelings I had last night when I fell.

I’m new to this forum. I’m not sure how it’ll help me. Whether in terms of my streak, or making me feel like there are others like me (even if it doesn’t help me keep my streak up.) 

Aside from free association, I guess my point is, I feel like I’m at a loss right now. I’ve lost confidence in myself and the tools available. I’m posting to the forum because I know it’s what I should do.

I know intellectually that what I’m saying is wrong. That even if I fall who knows how many more times, it’s more about the day to day life than the streak, the getting back up and the incremental successes. And that there is success in the 6 days I just had, and there is succes in me even trying. But it’s just all disappointing emotionally.

The short of it all: I’m looking for חיזוק.

Hi
As you said, you are new to GYE, so the feelings that you have, that you are all alone in this makes sense. 
For the record there are 11532 members here. That should make you feel that you are most definitely not alone in the struggle. It may be that you are alone in terms of the people that know you, but online over here, we are all together working for this. We are your family!
Look around at other threads, you'll see that there are many people in the same or even worse situations as you.
Did you read the GYE handbook? It was a real mind opening for me and many others. Find it here. 
So stick around, look around, and keep on posting, that really helped me.
There's help for everyone. If someone is willing to get help, they will.

HappyYid

I sent you a PM, do you know how to access that?

May I know what you have tried already, that you lost confidence in yourself or the tools available?
Maybe I can use some of that for myself.

Thank you! I'll have to have a look at the handbook.

Do you have a mentor?
It's vital to have someone to talk to, to guide you etc. Loneliness is terrible and makes the addiction (and all I think) 100X worse.
Please reach out to people. I'd reccomend. R' HHM. I can give you his number if you want. He has helped countless people on here. 

Where did you go Akiva??