Welcome!
One point that we keep on stressing on GYE, It's very important to take the struggle only “one day at a time.” Try never to focus on the future or wonder how we will manage. We must learn to live in the present only, focusing on staying "clean" or "sober" right NOW. When we focus on the future, we can easily fall.
It's also very important to make strong fances. When one makes a geder (fence) , it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.” For example, if a person knows that by bringing his car to yeshivah he will have a bigger nisayon to go to certain places during bein hasedarim, then he could establish a geder by walking to yeshivah instead. While he can still slip, the geder he instituted nonetheless shows a level of commitment that he is motivated to deal with his problem. Ultimately, if a person has done as much as he could, the result is that he will have more siyata dishmaya and berachah from Hashem.
Here are some tips for gedarim:
1- Reward oneself if everything went well for a certain amount of time-- Doing this attaches a positive feeling and sense of accomplishment to a goal often associated with negative feelings. This in turn makes it much easier for the person to put in the effort needed to battle his yetzer hora. The reward need not be something large; it can even be a small item such as a pen, book, or certain food. Although this suggestion may sound a little simple, it could be very helpful.
2- Confide in someone after stumbling-- Having someone to confide in after one is nichshal is a good idea, but must be used with caution. The person must be motivated by a sincere desire to get help, and not just be thinking, “I want a shaychus with my Rebbi, and I know that I’ll get attention if I speak to him about such a serious issue.”
3- Call someone when feeling threatened-- This suggestion is very beneficial, even if a person doesn’t actually get through to his mentor, or the mentor doesn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know. The fact that the person stopped for a second to think about how to help himself already cools off the yetzer hora, and it has therefore accomplished something good. (This suggestion is probably more useful when someone is in a more severe situation, but can still be helpful in other situations as well.)
4- Replace the behavior-- A person is quite often nichshal because he feels uncomfortable/ angry/ bored, etc. He should try to find a healthy, alternative way of expressing these emotions, without having to resort to improper behavior.
5- Move elsewhere-- If appropriate, one should get out of the situation that makes it easy to slip up. For example, if a person knows that he has a problem when he’s in the dorm room at night, then he should try to prepare himself and walk out of the room when he feels this urge. Simply changing the location will help to slow things down and cool off the ta’avah, as stopping for a moment gives a person time to compose his thoughts.
6- Distract oneself-- Distracting oneself with something else, even if it’s just for a short time, is sometimes enough to weaken the yetzer hora and enable a person to grasp the gravity of the situation.
