Every victory is big!!

Lets see if we can make it to 30 days (1/3 of the way to 90)!!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure if it's useful for @LTI to focus on the 90 days. What do you think?

I'm a bit mixed about it. I've never made it to 90, so don't want to set my goals too high, but I've also made it to 68 days, and many days weren't so difficult, so I think 90 is within my reach. And I also signed up for the challenge recently which is 90 days long.
Overall I think it needs to be a long term goal, but I also need short term goals as well, such as 30, 45, and 60 days. In my head 30 is a medium goal, I kind of agreed to that with a mentor, so beH I'll reach it over shabbos.

Here's the small victory that happened the other day. We had a siren a few nights ago and I had to go to a communal shelter with some friends. Because it was communal, there were families with parents and kids etc. who probably needed to be woken up. One of the people who had to go there was a girl who was in her pajamas, I would guess around my age. It's a very loud situation with lots of noise and people, so if I wanted it would be very easy to have taken another look, another glance. No one would notice, because everyone's heart is pumping and adrenaline is rushing (especially those who had to run), so everyone is quite distracted. In the 10/15 mins we had to stay there, I tried not to look at her, other than the first time and ignore it. I was having a conversation with my friends, but even when doing that, it can still be easy to steal a look. BH I didn't look again, and in fact I felt embarrassed for her, and I didn't want to contribute to her embarrassment. I feel quite fortunate that this was my thought process, not only was it not negative, but it also had a positive side to it.

It wasn't so big of a victory, because I myself didn't have such a great urge/taiva to look, before being forced into the situation and she was dressed in a tznius way, given that she was probably sleeping, but it was a noticeable victory nonetheless. Many times a clean day, even though it's a victory, goes by unnoticed.

Looking_to_improve wrote on 13 May 2021 11:52:

I took the liberty of bolding and underlining your comment.  Like so many perfectionist yidden, you can't seem to credit yourself appropriately. And when something goes wrong, the self criticism is a "Brisker shiur" of self denigration.   You did a mighty act tzaddik! And yes, a big chelek of it was the bain adam l'chaveiro of not adding to her embarrassment. Give yourself a big pat on the back for being a mentsh and for guarding your eyes and thoughts! Keep up the good work.

You are the real Iron Dome. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 May 2021 13:38:

I'm going to have to disagree. The victory can only be as big as the nisayon, even if I passed the nisayon with flying colours, crossing every t and dotting every i, and doing 100% of what Hashem wants me to do, given that the nisayon was small(I'm not asking for bigger nisyonos), the victory will also be small. 
Also when is comes to criticism, it's half half. Sometimes I am tough on myself, but there are other times when I've acted out and it's barely phased me, and I don't really criticise myself at all, even though I probably should to some degree.

In my mind it's a small victory, because there was an easy distraction being with my friends, it was a short term situation which was going to end on its own (when we all left the shelter), and it wasn't so triggering, so I consider it a 'small' victory, even if I did everything right given the situation

Day 28
4 weeks clean bH
Thank you for all the 'thank yous' on my earlier post today, I didn't realise you were all following my journey

Looking_to_improve wrote on 13 May 2021 17:02:

I have to respectfully disagree:
your being too humble!

Keep making your self proud!

Day 29
BH today was clean
Been a bit more stressful with the situation in EY, but seem to be doing fineBeH motsei shabbos will be 1 month clean

Have a great shabbos everyone
Looking_to_Improve

Day 30
1 month clean BH - (4th time making it to 1 month clean)
Had something small to eat over shabbos as a celebration, might also buy a sefer

Looking_to_improve wrote on 15 May 2021 20:37:

Nice!!!

Wow!
Keep it up!

Mazel Tov. Keep the good news coming!

Looking_to_improve wrote on 15 May 2021 20:37:

Awesome! Keep working those muscles. We get stronger and smarter every day.

(This is usually one of the first threads I check when I log in. Keep it up!)

Grant400 wrote on 16 May 2021 13:55:

Thank you Grant, appreciate it. I realised this week how many of you guys are following my thread, thank you to each and every one of you
Day 31
Clean BH, glad and fortunate to be going into shavuos with a month clean under my belt.