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Meyer M. wrote on 30 May 2021 04:57:

R' Meyer, welcome back!

1) I think the chevre here have posted a lot of maare mekomos. But I like Dov's Pshat better. Let's say it would be mutter. Would you still do it? For an alcoholic, drinking ad de lo yada in Purim is an aveire. Worse than an aveire, it takes away his dignity. Don't you think when you do it, you become a slave to it? It controls us instead of us controlling it. It takes away our most precious gift: our freedom. The central part of yiddishkeit, we say it in kiddish, and tons of places "asher hotzetanu me eretz mitzroyim". For me at least, this pshat is more effective than me thinking about giving birth to shin dalets and burning in gehenna. Also, we know it makes a difference in avodas Hashem. Our tefila and leyining grow a thousand fold when we are clean. We feel better in general. Is that not a good enough reason?

2)Hanistoros laHashem Elokeinu... But we can also see it the other way around. What if someone else had your YH? Maybe he wouldn't make it. He'd drop yiddishkeit and all else altogether. If G-d gave you this huge challenge, it's only because He trusts you can do it. Maybe he doesn't expect perfection. But He expects you to give your best and surely the reward is proportional to the exertion.

3)Life and Torah can be fun. If it's not, maybe it's about changing our seder and or activities. The Almighty one surely wouldn't want to bore us. I think every person has a part of Torah he enjoys more than the rest. That's what the person should focus on more. The gemore says "mai mitzvo zahir tfei" (forgot the source and am probably quoting without precision). Zahir can mean not only zealousness, but brightness too. In other words, which mitzvo makes your soul spark.

I wish you all the best, and please keep posting. You inspire a lot of people here!!

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 30 May 2021 17:34:


Why do I run after lust? Hmm, perhaps...

It’s all the Rebetzins fault cos she of the way she dressed... or maybe...
It’s all the Chefs fault cos he spiced up the dressing... if nothing else, then...
It’s all the Rabbis fault for not addressing the issue...

Actually those are all the wrong address...

The rabbi is not Gd. You’re giving him too much power. Yes, some maybe good at guiding people out of sexual tendencies, but to paint them all as knowledgeable in all matters? That’s putting them too high on the pedestal...

An excellent summary of all the mare mekomos and Halachos of הוצאת זרע לבטלה.

bit.ly/35B3Kk2

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I think it can be summarized that you don't know a Rabbi that you trust to talk about this to and you wish there was one out there.

I agree that it is an issue, although it seems to be getting better and better as we become more aware and educated on this topic. 

It's not their fault, (although the shame tied to it probably is) but it would be nice for Rabanim to show in someway that they are available and can be trusted. I have yet to have heard anyone I look up to say or even hint to the fact that this topic can be discussed with them. When I hear it, I am pretty sure I will bite the bait.

As of now, I am still waiting...

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Why don't you meet with one of the GYE chevra? Instead of being angry at everyone who you feel is unapproachable, go to one of the tzaddikim here who can really help you, really cares, and really wants to hear.

Alrighty, Update:

14 Days Clean, no masturbation. Walking in the street is problematic but I'm working on looking down, now if I would be able to do that while driving that would be a huge help.

Had a nocturnal emission last night which seems  to be a recurring event every two weeks, I’m not sure why it happens but the most I can come up with is the possibility of my body (subconscious) not letting go of the addiction due to trauma and stress levels from all the abuse I sustained over the years. 

Overall I hope to keep doing well and am looking forward to a productive month.

Peace out

Another 2 weeks gone by clean.

I feel happy, accomplished, and am doing well. I still had a nocturnal last night which is two weeks. Any way I can reduce or eliminate it?

I think GYE wisdom says that you shouldn't worry about it that it is only natural - they will become less frequent as you go on. 

From my thread: 
DavidT wrote on 18 Feb 2021 14:20:

Questions, questions, questions



Been two weeks and im doing great.



I read over the material of why wasting seed is assur. I still have questions, from the material it comes across to me that there is no issur min hatorah against wasting seed. The only passuk that talks about wasting seed is Onan having sex with his brothers wife (a married woman which is an issur min hatorah) and he pulled out early, the passuk goes on to say that hashem was angry with him and took his life, could it be he took his life over wasting seed? Im not God so it could very well be. However it is an issur to have relations with a marrried woman and logically/simply put it seems his life was taken for that reason.



to be clear I am not advocating for masturbating. I have come a long way in the past year and it is clear that masturbation is not good for a peron mentally, physically, and spiritually. However it seems that there is no issur min hatorah and to parade around saying it as such is not keeping in line on a moral/spiritual compass.

Another question,

im single, I had a girlfriend (and would like to have her again. I think about her every single day) in the past and I loved her very much. I lost contact over the years as I slipped into P and M. The problem comes as I am single when I walk in the street and I see a beautiful girl I want to feel close and have a relationship. Quite obviously this is problematic for me and I would like to know if anyone faces/faced a similar situation and what helps/helped. These feelings are exacerbated when interest is reciprocated. 

Hi Meyer
Glad to hear you are doing well or 'have come a long way'

In the article section of gye under q&a-halacha there is an important 3 part article titled The prohibition of masturbation for men and women which may answer your question

I do want to point out though that in order to know of an issur is min HaTorah you should be checking the shulchan aruch. Simply trying to understand raw pesukim can mislead you as many issurim are hidden in the words, for example, the issur of eating meat together with milk is actually written by repeating the prohibition of cooking meat with milk and the meforahim (gemara) explain that this is to include an issue min HaTorah to eat this together.
So when you read over the material on the issur the first place should be looking is the shulchan aruch

Another point that is important to realise is that onan had married his brothers wife after his brother had died without children and he therefore had a mitzvah to marry her and have a child with her. This (releasing outside her) was the only sin that the passuk mentions in relation to his death

ABout you're girlfriend...
it's Very rough I've never actually had a girlfriend bh but I've been intouch with girls but cut off contact before anything for that reason.
when i walk in The Street and see A girl alot of timeS I'll have the same feelings aS you described. It's Really hard!! But I think to myself that I gotta just hang on a little longer get myself clean then I can actually marry a good girl iyh!!
the right way aT the right time and it's a mitzvah.
And I just gotta keep really strong and keep my mind off it as much as possible. 
that's The best I can do for myself.
Let me know if you have any other ideas.
All the best!!!!