Day #36

Deeply grateful to Hashem for all the blessings in my life, not the least of which is being pure and clean from the filth of pornography for yet another splendid day.

"Many happy days are coming now, so won't you please listen to me. We will be singing, dancing, laughing everybody, just you wait and see! Miracles, amazing wonders, like no one's ever seen before, finally the magic moment we have all been waiting for..." (MBD song, check it out if you don't know it. It's called "Happy Days", it's on his English collection album),

Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful, blessed and productive day. May Hashem shower you with abundance and may you have many opportunities to share that abundance with everyone around you!
OivedElokim

Given I'm (relatively) new here, I see I haven't had the opportunity to add my "פרוטה" to thread so full of golden nuggets!

Sweet and precious עובד, how invigorating it is to see someone who refuses to give up, give in, or otherwise be cowed by our damned foe, the יצר הרע!! 

May the חיזוק engendered by this courageous thread serve as a זכות for you to see כל מילי דמיטב in all facets of your life, במהרה ממש !!

With much love and admiration,
Muttel

Thank you so much for the kind words, Reb Muttel. It was an honor to speak with you today!

In general, I cannot convey how much it means to me to get feedback on my posts. It's most probably coming from a place of insecurity, but till I fix all of my problems it really helps when people share that they find me helpful or insightful.

So if you ever read a post on here that gives you new perspective or helps you in some way, I'd really appreciate if you let me know, either by posting here or via PM.

My day is going great, though I'm a bit behind on work, hopefully will catch up tonight, bez"h.

Wishing you all a day full of blessings,
OivedElokim

Twas a pleasure speaking with you today as well. I just hope next time it'll be for longer!

Hatzlacha with all and KOMT!!

Muttel

oivedelokim wrote on 22 Jul 2024 21:00:

I think we all have the same need and insecurity. Everyone appreciates feedback. I'm one of the many that gets inspired by your insightful posts, especially when you reference the undisputed King of Jewish music's songs. 

oivedelokim wrote on 22 Jul 2024 21:00:

Great post 

I don't think that's insecurity. Like @amavakesh said in his great response, that's a normal human need - to feel appreciated, to feel like our words aren't going directly from our mouths into the garbage. That's one of the fundamental drives behind social media in general. A "like" is a very small and artificial dose of a very essential need. 

Relatedly, it's amazing how powerful a supportive, kind, caring or complimentary word is even on an anonymous online forum (and kal v'chomer ben bno shel kal v'chomer in person). 

Day #38

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses, I will respond to them individually when I have some more time.

Life has been very busy and I haven't had much time to spend on this site, hence the lack of poste for the last several days.

I'm very happy with how things are going, and I am really striving to continue to grow in every area of my life. For instance, although I am reasonably intelligent, learning Gemara, especially l'iyun, has always been a struggle for me. Over the rest of the summer I plan to give it another go, although I'm no longer in Yeshiva. I'm gonna have some free time that I will happily devote to shteiging in learning, and acquiring a true geshmak in this essential staple of Limud Ha'Torah. I'm super excited. Wish me luck!

Thanks again for reading, for hitting "Thank You" and most of all-for upping my karma

Have a wonderful day, and make sure to make Hashem proud!
OivedElokim

Muttel wrote on 23 Jul 2024 00:40:

Thank you kindly. Please feel free to text or call at any time!

amevakesh wrote on 23 Jul 2024 02:23:

Fair enough, I guess it's a basic normal human need. However, I think that at least ideally a person should have enough faith and comfort in Hashem that he doesn't need external love and validation. That's the impression I got from Shaar Ha'Bitachon in Chovos Ha'Levavos (tbh I haven't finished it inside, but I did listen to all of Rabbi Shais Taub's shiurim on it, and he kept stressing that idea. Maybe it's his own interpretation...)

I'm more then happy to keep dropping MBD references, it's one of my favorite things to do. Also if you are into other artists let me know and I'll add them to the mix-I am something of a boki in frum music [mostly the stuff put out between 1990 and 2010, depending on which artist. My weakness with MBD is that i'm mamash klor in everything after Maaminim (besides Hashpuos...) but with Avraham Fried I basically know from the beginning....]

Gradeh I was listening to Efshar Le'Taken this morning, it is such a good song...

chosemyshem wrote on 23 Jul 2024 13:33:

Understood. That was part of the reason I got off of social media-I realized how much I was relying on little dopamine hits of validation for my own sense of self worth (I once went pretty viral and I was way too happy about it....)

Also, that's an excellent point. I also find that on here (and other online communities) people are more generous with their praise then in real life. I think I can explain why but that's not for now...

Thanks for weighing in. I really value your insight! I hope we can talk again soon, really enjoyed our initial conversation...

oivedelokim wrote on 24 Jul 2024 12:57:

Ideally ≠ Reality.
There are some things that we strive for that set our course to the correct destination, though we aren't able to nor expected to actually get there. 
Ideally we need only Hashem. Realistically we need much more than that. I think many mussar sefarim follow this mehalech. They teach you the right direction. Reach for loving and trusting Hashem for everything that you need, but don't neglect that your humanity requires you to be you. And Hashem is the one who made you that way.

Validation becomes a problem when you absolutely need it / can't function without it. Wanting or appreciating it is a whole different story. Yes, we can work to wean ourselves away from it, but it's not k'neged bitachon. They can work together. Be the balance that keeps you mentally healthy and growing.
Hatzlacha

oivedelokim wrote on 24 Jul 2024 13:01:

Exactly. Could be that it has a place to help someone temporarily, but is it an empty substitute for appreciating yourself from within.

Day #39

I just wrote up a whole long post. I thought it was a pretty good post. I hit submit and was taken to the forum home. The post is lost...
Ironically, the post was about Simcha, and the loss of the post was making me a bit upset. But I'm fine now. 

ברוך דיין האמת

Maybe I'll rewrite it another time.

Sorry, that's frustrating.
I look forward to reading it in the future

Day #40

Good morning. I didn't mean to get up this early but my sleep quality hasn't been great lately, I only got like three-four hours in last night...

Anyways, I'm going to try to rewrite my post from yesterday that got lost. Here goes:

I want to share with all of you the sense of joy and gratitude that I am cultivating within myself. It is not a joy or gratitude based on physical circumstances or personal achievements. Rather, it's source is in an enduring and unchanging spiritual idea. I don't know whether I'm a baal madreiga for being able to draw joy from the following idea, but I do think everyone reading this can gain something from it.

In the 33rd chapter of Tanya, after discussing various forms of sadness and presenting one way to deal with it, the Alter Rebbe provides a second Hisbonenus which is meant to bring a person to Simcha, regardless of his physical or spiritual circumstances. But first, the Alter Rebbe summarizes one of the fundamental tenets of his philosphy-that Hashem is transcendent and immanenet, and that nowhere is void of his presence (this idea obviously has sources in classical Torah and Kabbalah, but the Alter Rebbe really developed it into a concrete and coherent philosphy).

After explaining this, he concludes (I will include the parts I find most relevant, though I highly recommend reading the whole perek in the original. Below I will include a link to the perek with an English translation):

ועל זה תיקנו ליתן שבח והודיה לשמו ית' בכל בקר ולומר אשרינו מה טוב חלקנו וכו' ומה יפה ירושתנו כלומר כמו שהאדם שש ושמח בירושה שנפלה לו הון עתק שלא עמל בו כן ויותר מכן לאין קץ יש לנו לשמוח על ירושתנו שהנחילנו אבותינו הוא יחוד ה' האמיתי אשר אפי' בארץ מתחת אין עוד מלבדו וזו היא דירתו בתחתונים וז"ש רז"ל תרי"ג מצות ניתנו לישראל בא חבקוק והעמידן על אחת שנאמר וצדיק באמונתו יחיה כלומר כאלו אינה רק מצוה אחת היא האמונה לבדה כי ע"י האמונה לבדה יבא לקיום כל התרי"ג מצות דהיינו כשיהיה לבו שש ושמח באמונתו ביחוד ה' בתכלית השמחה כאלו לא היתה עליו רק מצוה זו לבדה והיא לבדה תכלית בריאתו ובריאת כל העולמות הרי בכח וחיות נפשו בשמחה רבה זו תתעלה נפשו למעלה מעלה על כל המונעים קיום כל התרי"ג מצות מבית ומחוץ

To summarize in English: If we truly understand the constant presence of Hashem in our lives, we will be much more joyous then a person who wins the lottery. It is the greatest gift a person can receive, and we have it constantly, for free...

In recent days I have been working very hard to internalize this idea and integrate it within my life. I have seen more success then I ever imagined. I now feel like I can deal with any challenge that comes my way with the energy and vitality I draw from this idea.

Anyways, I think I expressed it better yesterday. Nu Nu....

Links:
The chapter with the translation titled "Lessons in Tanya".
This is a summary of the chapter rendered in more relatable and simple terms, by the great Rabbi Tzvi Freeman.

Have a great day!

OivedElokim