OivedElokim wrote on 22 May 2023 00:45:

Dear Oived,
I don't know how I missed your return! Looking over your posts, seeing the beautiful you, I remembered what you had written, quoted above. I guess we have seen
Friend, it's wonderful to have you back!

Hi everyone, hope you are well.

A quick personal update:

I am starting to seriously move into the realm of Shidduchim, and that brought on a renewed sense of urgency to overcome my struggles with lust or at least begin to try. 

That being the case, today, after weeks of procrastination and dithering, I finally called up my filter company and reinstalled my iPhone filter. I am very proud of myself, and it’s not lost on me that the first night I will not be surfing the underbelly of the internet is the sefira of יסוד שביסוד….

That being said, I still have other things I need to patch up as far as visual stimulation goes. I hope to clear all that up within the next day or two, IYH. 

At this point in my life, being completely free of lust seems like an impossible goal. I have spent so long giving into my every sexual whim that the idea of simply suppressing those thoughts and impulses instead of giving in to them seems so unrealistic.

But then again, I’m posting here. I am participating in a community of people in this fight, many of whom seem to have been as (or more) “addicted” then I am. So who knows…

All the best,
OivedElokim

On a completely different note:

I am super frustrated with the 90 day tracker thing. When I went to update it they asked me for the last time I fell, which was today of course. So they gave me 400+ cumulative days clean simply because I haven’t updated my streak in that many days. Does anyone know how to fix this? 

oivedelokim wrote on 03 Jun 2024 03:55:

Good for you seems like I owe you some Moola.....

oivedelokim wrote on 03 Jun 2024 03:57:

You can reset the whole thing. Otherwise as far as I know you have to click the "had a fall" button and select a date for each fall individually.

Dear Oived, 

I am happy to hear that you are moving upward in your life. 

I am very happy to hear that you installed a filter on your phone. WOW just WOW! 

I dont know how long you have been drinking the sewar water thats called porn for, but i was deep in for years and untill i didnt filter everything to the tenth level i didnt have a moments peace. You will hear people say "Just filtering is not the solution" yes, but untill you filter everything you are always a minute away from falling and its very hard to fight something that you have been addicted to for so long.  
Once I filtered my stuff, i had more capacity to fight, you get a few more minutes to think. 

And yes, you can be completely clean. Nobody believes that when they start but the hundreds of people on here that have been clean for long stretches can testify that its possible, very possible. 



The name is Copter, Eli Copter

Thank you all for your responses and "Thank You"s, I appreciate the warm welcome you've all extended to me!

To be honest I feel like I'm on a whole new GYE, a lot of the old-timers seem to have drifted away (shoutout to IMG, Grant, ITK etc.-if you see this, please know that I sorely miss your magnificent posts...). Nothing against the new crowd, I just need to get to know you guys

Also, since I'm already doing shoutouts: Thank you so much to my dear friends who stuck with me through thick and thin, and have continued to support me throughout my tumultuous journey of the last year or two- hashemyeracheim613 (a trusted and close friend, always responding to my unhinged texts at all hours of the day and night and who once traveled to meet up with me on whim when I was in a very bad place), HHM (always available to talk or meet whenever I get a rare hirhur teshuva), Zedj and YeshivaGuy (fellow Knights, Sushi, coffee shops and overall chill vibes) Vehkam (a true role model), HakolHevel (master of tough love). And many others, יען כי רבים הם ואי אפשר לפורטם.

[If you feel slighted that you were not included, please send me a PM and yell at me ;)]

I don't even remember what this post was gonna be about, but I guess I'll just leave it as an appreciation post for the absolute legends of GYE. 

Looking forward to getting to know the rest of you. May we all merit to assist each other in vanquishing the darkness of lust within our own souls, and may we continue to grow by leaps and bounds.

Sending love to all of you,
OivedElokim

Also, is the live chat feature working these days? It doesn't seem to work on my computer...

Yes the live chat feature is active these days maybe you have the hide chat option on just a thought 

Day #1

Hey there friends.

I just got all the questionable apps on my phone, thus ensuring the safety of all of my primary devices. I still have an unfiltered iPad that I never use, I think I will ask a friend to put a password on it for now, hopefully will take care of it tomorrow. Until I get that taken care of, I will not touch that device unless another person is in the room. If I violate it I will give $36 to the campaign of Jamal Bowman  (IYKYK).

I'm looking forward to detoxing from porn and growing in my sensitivity towards kedusha. I hope it will be a zechus for me in all other areas of my life.

I made up with HHM to send him a three week contract tomorrow, I might post it here.

All the best,
OivedElokim

Day #2:

Progress report for today:

• Had my friend lock up my iPad.
• Wrote up a contract requiring me to stay clean for three weeks. Sent it to HHM (don't feel comfortable posting it here for some reason).
• Had a very good, busy-albeit stressful day, BH.

My life seems to be headed in the right direction, and I am very grateful to Hashem for that.

I'll try to stay active here, bl"n. But if you know me/have my contact info-please reach out to chat (and hold me accountable...)

All the best,
OivedElokim

Day #3:

Things are going pretty smoothly, BH. Life is hectic and stressful but also very rich and vibrant. I'm not experiencing many urges and honestly I'm not sure I'm prepared for a particularly strong one. I should probably take some proactive steps to shore myself up, maybe reading The Battle of the Generation every day or something (I actually don't really like that book, if someone has alternative suggestions I'd appreciate it!).

Awhile ago I made a habit of posting 5 good things I did every day as a way of lifting my morale. I don't particularly need it at the moment but I figured it might be something worth doing again, so here goes:

1. Shachris with a minyan.
2. Babysat my niece for an extended period of time even though I was busy.
3. Set up a new chavrusa.
4. Caught up on my shiur Rambam.
5. Mincha with a Minyan.

Soon I will reread my contract and text HHM.

Good night y'all,
OivedElokim

Day #4

TYH!

Don't have time to say much else. Life is hectic and awesome.

All the best,
OivedElokim

good luck. i also started new streak. i read tha Rabbi Akiva started to vomit when king offered him his prostitutes. im sure that when he saw them they were probably still looking more modest than the streets today. he smelled the rotten stink of dead corpses from them. i was thinking how can we watch this crap

Day #5

Going good, staying busy. 

All the best,
OivedElokim