I am heartbroken, I just fell after being 63 days clean. I so much looked forward to reach 90 days. I am crying. 

Bro thats so hard. I fell after 54 days though, and i seem to have gotten back up where i left off pretty quickly

How did you? were'nt you depressed after your fall?

Not really, to be honest. I was relieved, even though i had to pay the big Knas on my Taphsic (if u haven't already, check it out). but after doing for a few days I realized this isn't what I want and I took my Taphsic again. now 10 days clean

yuyu wrote on 23 Oct 2020 16:51:

How are you doing yuyu? Remember it's really not about the streak. That is just supposed to help us mentally, but try not to let it become a discouragement. 63 days clean will forever be 63 days of victory. Etched in stone. 

Let it just prove to you what you are clearly capable of doing and the levels you are clearly able to attain. For your own sanity please don't sink back into the quagmire. You won't feel good and you will only have to dig yourself out once again. 

Hatzlacha! 

                                 Grant 

 If you were doing great for a while and had yet another fall, don’t despair! Trust that Hashem had much Nachas Ruach from your spiritual successes, but he wanted you to take it to the next level and therefore he gave you these pitfalls, even though he knew you would fall. What makes a person great is his ability to get back up, despite his falls. And davka by having to renew our determination from the ground up, we are rocketed into a much closer Kesher with Hashem than we ever had before!

Instead of getting down on ourselves after a fall, let us reflect back on how many times we did manage to say “no” to the Yetzer Hara before he won us over now! Let’s recall the many tens - if not hundreds - of times during the past clean-streak that we didn’t give in to him! We definitely have the upper hand in this war. He is determined to make us feel down so that we should continue to slip. But let us focus on the overall picture. Even though we may have lost a battle now, we are still winning the war. Let’s rejoice about our successes and get right back up for the next round, where B’Ezras Hashem, we will do even better!

yuyu wrote on 23 Oct 2020 16:51:

I can totally relate, I had this in the past and it felt TERRIBLE,

The way to go is by counting ONE day at a time, don't think about the past, and don't plan ahead, just TODAY we will all stay clean.

Good luck my friend!

Thank you all guys. You are amazing, I love you all. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I greatly appreciate it. 

I decided that I will treat myself with the same treat I had In mind to buy when I reach 90 days. Now it will be after 26 days - when it would have come out the 90 days. 

The reason for that is because as some brought out that it doesn't count the number it counts the effort.

AND HERE IS THE SHPITZ:

IT TAKES MUCH MORE EFFORT TO PICK YOURSELF UP AND CONTINUE FIGHTING AFTER A FALL THAN TO KEEP THE BATTLE RUNNING! 

And since I am picking myself up - I actually picked myself up right away, I deserve the celebration. 

I want to, first of all, honor your feelings of heartbreak and now encouragement. This is a great place to post about those feelings as we have all had them. It is great to get support from others and it helps takes the shame off of having these struggles.

All that being said, let's emphasize something here. You didn't look at pornography and you didn't masturbate for 63 days! That is awesome! That is over two months! That is more than a sixth of a year. That is a large chunk of time in which you showed yourself and G-d that you take this struggle seriously and that you have the abilities to overcome it.

Dear YuYu,

The Nachas Ruach you have given to HKBH for the days you stayed clean are not bitten into at all by a fall afterwards. It will always be there. And don't forget when HKBH gives us Nisyonos he does NOT expect us to overcome them overnight, especially a nisayon like this. It can take years. What we have to do is show HIM that we will continue to battle. more than the yetzer hora wants us to fall he wants us to stay down. when a father teaches a child how to walk he holds his hand for abit and then leaves go, and each time the child is able to take a few more steps on his own until he is able to fully walk on his own.
YOU CAN DO IT. KEEP IT GOING. HASHEM LOVES US MORE THAN WE LOVE OURSELVES. 
Really Looking forward to seeing your next stretch working well.
Wishing you Tons of Siyato Dishmmayo.

63 is an incredible accomplishment. A mountain climber that falls in a ditch after 63 days will enjoy the view while cleaning up and bandaging his wounds. You do the same. Don't roll down the hill buddy. Those 63 days are yours to keep forever.   Also, realize that you have gotten yourself to a level of falling about 5 times a year. Pretty superior for most guys starting out....  Iyh you will continue and break free. It is a process. Believe in yourself and be proud of what you have done. Hatzlocha.