Welcome back AM!! Bh you have progressed immensely, despite your somewhat depressed tone. Recognizing that secular movies are the portal to acting out, and actually doing something about it makes you a hero, even if you have not yet graduated completely. Secondly, you recognize the truth. You need a kosher outlet such as exercise but are not yet ready to commit to it. You are at the corner buddy. Hold someone's hand and cross the street. The light is green and you have the right of way. Hashem loves guys like you! Honest, courageous, and yes, a bit uneasy. Happy and fulfilling days are iyh on the horizon.

So about two weeks ago after struggling for a few months, I stopped watching movies and series cold turkey. (Whether I’ll be able to hold it permanently or not is a different question.)

 Just wanted to share my feelings and thoughts so far as perhaps this might encourage anyone else struggling with this issue:
At first it was hard as heck. I felt bored and didn’t have my regular fix of escapism. In the beginning I also felt the need to masturbate or look at inappropriate content to fill that hole. But slowly I started feeling the benefits as those initial feelings started to recede. Turns out, by justifying my watching, I was also justifying looking at women in those movies. Even if it was ‘relatively’ a kosher one. That made it much easier to justify other ‘watching’ of women.

As a result of stopping, I’m much less into porn and masturbation. My appetite has become much more tame. This is not to say that I haven’t masturbated over the past two weeks. But I do feel the possibility to stop much stronger now than before. I also feel much more present in reality and much less on 'edge'. Before I stopped watching I felt both my heart and mind being pulled in the direction of movies and the part of me that wasn’t being pulled, was trying to pull in the other direction, trying to get me out of this mess. So, either way this whole ordeal took up much of my thoughts and energy. With all of that, there’s no wonder that I didn’t have much place in my heart for true Avodas Hashem or even just being around people.

Being free of these chains holding me down, I also feel that gradually I can start focusing back on Avodas Hashem. By the way, don’t get me wrong, I was learning and davening every day. But my heart and mind just weren’t there. I was secretly happy to be out of the beis hamedrash. To be ‘free’.  Thinking in learning or learning on the side was not something I did. Now it’s something I’m at least considering and I don’t have as much of a hard time doing. My heart and mind are much more open to this.  I am not saying I’m this tzaddik that is always learning, but I do think that once in a while it’s important to learn something outside of the regular sedarim. (This might not pertain to regular yeshiva guys who need their bein hasdarim to rejuvenate. Ask your Rebbi.)

What I do instead to fill my time? I read more. I listen to podcasts. I do exercise sometimes. And overall I waste my time less as I’m more connected to reality and not seeking to escape it every first chance I get.

Again, this doesn’t mean I’m totally free from masturbation, etc. I’m still working on that. And it also doesn't mean that I don't crave to watch once in a while. But having all of my movies physically removed from me, at least made the load a whole lot lighter.

I would definitely encourage anyone that is considering to stop watching movies, to just try for a month or two completely free of it to see how it feels. Cancel your subscriptions. Give your digital and/or physical movies to someone so that you don’t have access to them. I’m not even saying you should commit forever, as I myself am also not committed forever. But at least we can have a taste of what it’s like to be a bit more free.

You are a HERO!! And a smart one too. Most movies, although not technically pornography, are guilty of promulgating the idea that women were put in this world for men to enjoy and lust over. The typical movie is toxic to shalom bayis, to having a clear head, and definitely to avodas Hashem. Stopping to objectify women is step one to iyh being a great husband when the right time comes. Masturbation of course is assur and has to be minimized and stopped, but it is a different issue. And iyh as you move farther and farther away from constant stimulation from viewing shmutz and subtle innuendo in movies, you will find yourself craving masturbation that much less. It is so great to witness guys take practical and courageous steps to breaking free b'ezras Hashem. We are rooting for you tzaddik!

Hey guys

I wanted to wish you all a kesiva v'chasima tovah. A year of good health, wealth and happiness.
May you all continue to inspire with your relentless dedication to do Hashem's ratzon, no matter how hard it may be.
May this be the year we all finally will be zoche to break free from the shackles that have been holding us back all this time.
And may we all be zoche to finally greet Moshiach Tzidkeinu all as one bimheiro v'yomeinu.

Thank you all from the very bottom of my heart.

AM

Hey guys, 

I've come B"H quite a way from where I started but I have a way to go.
I still fall quite regularly with masturbation.
I thought that maybe making a goal of something doable and realistic would be the way to go for me.
The goal: 5 days no masturbation
Extra commitment: post here daily from today until the end of the 5th day (it can be something short).

I'm currently on day 2

anonymousmillenial wrote on 18 Oct 2021 12:57:

We're all applauding your amazing goal and commitment.
We also hope that you celebrate each clean day and actually each time you have an urge and you stay strong. 
Looking forward to see you reaching your goals and eventually achieving full sobriety for the help of Hashem. 

Day 3 
Really hectic and busy. 
I'm ready to move to day 4.

Day 4
Baruch Hashem another clean and busy day.

Hey buddy, we are proud of your attitude! Keep it up.

Hey guys,
As I'm reaching the end my goal of being five days clean, I've reached another milestone as well. Namely, this is my 100th post over here on the forum. 
I therefore would like to take the opportunity to thank all of you here on the forum, who've taken part in my journey so far. I feel that I've grown tremendously over the past year and it's greatly in the merit of GYE and its members who've had my back since the beginning (be it specific individuals or the whole forum as a whole). May you all be zoche to continued success in all of your endeavors and especially in these areas of kedusha that we're all struggling with.

I would also like to renew my goal for another 3 days (to start with), including the posting over here. 

I just had a fall.
How come?
1.) I was triggered by something I saw while working online.
2.) No one was home.
3.) I was feeling kinda cranky because of something that happened earlier today.

How to proceed?
Set a new goal: 6 days clean starting from now. I will also put a knas up for myself if I do end up falling. And, no matter what happens, continue posting!

Honestly, I didn't think I'd fall when I was originally triggered but somehow it snowballed into a fall as these things often happen. Especially considering that I was home alone.

anonymousmillenial wrote on 22 Oct 2021 13:13:

Sorry to hear that you had a fall, if you learn from it and become stronger going forward, then the fall is a positive thing. Another stepping stone in the path to full recovery iy"h.
Do your devices have filters or accountability software?
(I use both on my devices. Meshimer filter and web chaver accountability software) 

I second David's motion. If something can get through the filter, but a chaver will see it, that usually convinces someone not to proceed. There are many guys in GYE - and out of it too - who have this double protection and are bli ayin hara doing great. Note - some filter companies need to be informed that you are installing webchaver for it to work optimally.

B"H clean Shabbos

Checking in for Day 2 of  another day being clean.
Unfortunately I'm keeping it really short as it's really hectic by us
Wishing everyone lots of Hatzlacha..