Ok here goes, 

Purim 2020: Joined GYE and started working on self for pornography, SSA thoughts and masturbation, didn’t really get serious till Pesach

Pesach 2020: Started pushing myself to break free, saw major success and pulled through for 3 weeks when I felt I could only do a few days

May 2020: Started 90 day challenge. SSA stopped being a constant lust a whole day although still apparent (SSA partially attributed to high lust and a small lack of happiness with relationships) stopped feeling tired a whole day, no longer felt weak all the time, physically changed a lot for the better. (Thread from here till August: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349216-Going-to-do-this )

June 2020: Learning improved drastically when previously wasn’t able to learn even for 5 minutes. Improved to nearly over an hour of steady concentration.

July 2020: All of the above mentioned changes continued and pornography/masturbation remained at zero use (all while I was going through a rough period for three weeks which was amazing considering I was depressed and normally I would act out as a result). Eventually gave in to my depression and fell at 78 days. SSA fell a lot more but the most tempting material in my head still remained.

August 2020: 90 Day challenge restarted more focused on masturbation where previously it was focused on pornography (Kept off both, just more emphasis placed on pornography). Fell once in the month. SSA has gone away. That’s two goals (SSA and P) knocked out of the park.

September 2020: Lots of success but lack of words right now, updating a different time.

August 3rd.

Day 1. 

90 Days without masturbation and pornography B’ezras Hashem 

I’ll post whenever I get a chance but no promises

Day 2. Trucking onward. 

Great attitude buddy! Keep inspiring us.....

Day 3: Clean!

Day 4: Clean!



Need to get my mikvah pass renewed, will take care of it tomorrow B’ezras Hashem.

Amber alert: There is an 18 wheeler speeding way over the limit, mindless to any traffic in it's way. License plate: Meyer. M.  Caution is advised. Driver is believed to be extremely determined. 

Wow. Guys, listen to this. Meyer M in hebrew has the gematria 'atzer,' as a noun means 'treasure' and of 'Aphir' - the place Shlomo kept his gold. (At least, according to this random website I found.) Uncanny.

I think this time you've hit the jackpot Meir. Keep it up strong.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 07 Aug 2020 14:06:

What the hell........and they claim the Torah was written by aliens..........can you give me a link for the website? I verified it on paper, I’m just a little dumbfounded...

Grant400 wrote on 07 Aug 2020 02:09:

Haha thank you.

Day 5: Clean.  And a Gut Shabbos.

I just found it, it seems great for cheating at gematrias. I was just joking around.
Keep up inspiring us Meyer.
Link: http://www.billheidrick.com/works/hgemat.htm
p.s. I take no responsibility for viruses.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 08 Aug 2020 22:25:

Definitely very interesting. Just going to point out that it is said that one should be careful with kabbalah and using gematrias as one may become fanatical if they're not ready, admittedly I did look up the gematria of this name and my real name and the results were pretty suprising but im going to close it here and leave it for later.

​Day 6: Had withdrawal symptoms (depression, urge for thoughts etc), spoke to myself with reasoning as a way to fight it off and seems to have done the trick for now. Other than that I held out and am going to keep on pushing. Time to get some sleep for the energy drained today.

Keep going Meyer. To be able to reason yourself away from the aveira is really quite incredible, hats off to you.

Also not sure how much validity these gaematrios have. I heard the ones you make up yourself, or that weren't made by a talmud chacham etc are generally worthless anyway. Good for a sheva berachos speech though.

Hatzlocha

"Day 6: Had withdrawal symptoms (depression, urge for thoughts etc),"

Hi Meyer, It's good that you are noticing your withdrawal symptom. Being mindful has been important to my recovery. I love the topic name "freedom". Isn't that really what it's all about.  

Keep it up and you in the process

Day 7: Clean



Day 8: Clean



Noticed the word masturbation, has the word ‘master’ in it. It takes over your life and becomes the master while you become the slave...



Edit: Help....been lusting, going back and forth (I want to do it, I don’t want to, I do, I don’t) I don’t want to hit a dead end. I want to keep going.