I had a little fall this morning. 
Juat a few seconds and masturbation more out of habit than desire. 
The type of fall that says 'don't let this get you down'. 
Trying to brush it off as a mistake rather than getting that feeling that it's hopeless. Kind of like remembering that the mission is the goal.

Hey Starting how's it going?
We miss you here.

Really appreciate your enquiring 

I have b"h a lot of work now for these few weeks and when I am not working I try to be with the family as they are home all day and (hopefully) miss me. Yesterday I worked about 8.5-9 hours without a break.

Quick update, bad week last week, clean since Friday with more of a feeling that I need to, want to and will stay relatively clean in the long run, so these 3 days have been much easier b"h. 
I see once again that it's all in the attitude, like now I feel that it's below me and got 3 days so far. Or it could be that my wife went to Mikvah...

Thinking of you a lot and wishing I could come here more

Hey @Starting, we miss you! How's it going?

Thanks

I've been completely off gye for a couple of months but stayed at about 2 falls every weekend 

Reflecting on the past year I've had many happy moments, many good experiences. 
Also a lot of stress, loads of troubling moments and it's been very hard to work on sobriety as well as trying now is an active struggle, not just avoiding an occasional fall. I often find that I have absolutely no strength to fight and give in to the slightest temptation. 

I do have great filters so the struggles are narrowed down to masturbation and shmiras einayim. 

Earlier this week I have decided that I am low enough to consider this rock bottom and have to give it some real work 
Trying on 2 weeks for now bezh"sh

starting wrote on 30 Dec 2021 10:57:

Welcome back!
Your 2 weeks should be with great siyata dishmaya and the beginning of many more clean happy weeks and months... 

Fell today after 6 days
Continuing as planned Iy"h 

It's been a few weeks since my last update 
I had a couple of falls in that time but about a week ago I reached 14 days clean, then fell twice and am clean for 7 days since (slipped a few times) 

I feel like my old 'training' is starting to kick in again, hhm's mehalech which he is continuously writing about ayin shom

A nice chizzuk I heard a story about a previous belzer Rov who was telling sippurei tzaddikim and told about a jew who was makpid not to work before davening 
One morning, someone came to him and presented a deal which one can't refuse but it had to be confirmed immediately, before Shachris 
He had a huge nisayon to accept this deal before davening but he overcame the temptation and declined the offer

That was the end of the story

Many stories end with us seeing unbelievable siyatta dishmaya or miracles and we get a nice chizzuk and see the schar in this world 

But upstairs, they see you looking away and being misgaber and that is the greatest part of the story
That is the incredible Nachas ruach and the most unimaginable simcha in Shamayim 

Umatan scharah usid lavo, whenever and however it is decided 

Appreciate the accomplishment of defeating the yetzer hora

Amazing post!

starting wrote on 07 Feb 2022 10:52:

Wow not the typical story!! Beautiful!