Hey everyone! Usually post when things are going tough. I’m currently 3days away from 90, but fought really big battles the last two weeks, and even though I have no immediate access to Schmutz, having. Struggle now not to go to places where I will stumble. Just makes me think is it all worth it? I feel like I’m going to fall any day now. And even if I am clean for another 3 days it’s not like the Yetzer Hara is going to Magically disappear on day 90. 

trying613 wrote on 24 Jun 2020 23:42:

I wish you, trying613, that you should never "fall" again.

I challenge your "is it all worth it?" I am no expert in the recovery world, so I cannot comment from that perspective. However, in Torah thought, I am certain that it is immeasurably better to be clean for 90 days and "fall" on the 91st rather than "fall" for 91 consecutive days.

Why worry about how long you can go for? You've gone this far. You've triumphed over "really big battles the last two weeks." You're doing great! Just go for a little bit more. And then a little bit more. Etc.

Im no expert but maybe sit down and chazer the reasons why you started to get clean in the first place. But not just review, I mean sit down and go over it a bunch of times till you feel the "drive" rekindle. 
Reread up on proper mentalities and remachazek yourself so its not just "holding on" but rather something you wanna do. Try to get the fire burning under you like its day 1.
Not sure its possible to feel it but if your able to then I think it can work.
But either way each day is huge and tizku lamitzvos until now!
Hatzlacha!

Seems like the yetzer hara really doesn’t want you crossing that finish line.  

Welcome!

you know, throughout all this I have come to realise Hashem isn't looking for tallies or counts or stuff like that. He made everyone lock down and guys have been dropping like flies. Just think about the tons and tons of wasted zera and aveiros that have accrued due to this crazy year and all its shenanigans. But it's Ratzon Hashem, no? 
So the bigger questions I'd ask myself is, "Do I want to live a healthy, sane life where I can sit in quiet satisfaction that I'm gearing myself toward bigger things, and not giving in to base desires whenever I want"?

Of course it pays, and I'll tell you why, the longer you schlep and not give in the more your brain get used to not to have this desperate need for it, so eventually the battle becomes easier.

I know this doesn't sound real, but it's a fact.
So of course keep going!!

Exactly, after day 90 the YH is not gonna magically disappear. Unfortunately if you're an addict, not even after 10 years. Forget 90 days. My advice is, focus on today. Every day is incredibly precious. How much is sobriety worth for you for today? How much would you pay to be sober today? (No guarantees for tomorrow). To me it's worth mountains of gold. I've been learning not to trade it for tomorrow and to value it more than anything. Today is the day. I want to have a good day, that's all I want. I want to be at peace with myself and everyone around. I daven to Hashem everyday, Hashem, please, please help me keep sober for today, just for today I need your help. I can't afford being not sober for a single day and I can't do it alone. If I act out I feel miserable, I don't work well, I don't eat well, I don't daven well, I don't sleep well and I don't love my family the way they deserve and I'm so ashamed of even seeing my wife after acting out. I feel fake. So please help me keep sober just for today.
Forget streaks and track records. I think they're a good measure of your recovery. But we must learn that simple truth. I can only stay sober for today, not for tomorrow. All that being said, if you haven't I suggest you look at 12 steps. I highly recommend Dov's shiurim as a starting point.