bitochonGYE wrote on 21 Jun 2020 14:47:

It's a good reason

Some of mine: I don't want to be fake and a fraud, I don't want to be a useless person, it makes me feel disgusting and awful afterwards, it wastes a lot of my time (and other things!...), if my wife really knew the darkness within me she'd be destroyed, I will destroy, I can't stand myself, life will really suck living this way forever.

Day 10 - A tad easier the last couple days. Still want to look....but trying.. I also deleted all my social apps so haven't seen a tik tok in days. I miss that entertainment but it is a trigger.

BH I havent been involved with tiktok, but my understanding(from my sisters and them showing me a few) is that its extremely extremely triggerful. Sometimes even more than regular porn bec it walks the border bet not fully undressed  but extremely stimulating(Im sure you know what Im talking about). I would go as far to say that a lot of the stuff there is basically soft porn.
So BIG tizku lemtizvos for deleting it, and be aware how dangerous it is.
Hatzlacha!

bitochonGYE wrote on 24 Jun 2020 13:05:

I was thinking that sometime the Y"H does not mind if the struggle is easier for you, like this he can trick you into letting down your guard and then when you come to a weak moment he'll pounce and grab you into his net. Let's remember to NEVER let our guards down so we can remain clean and protected. May Hashem be with you always!  

Keep up the good work, I get chizuk from you!
Unfortunately, speaking for myself as an addict, I know I can't watch certain stuff. If I do, it's triggering and I get into a very difficult struggle. So why make it hard for myself? As hard as it is to sacrifice, ultimately, you're doing good to yourself. Tachlis you know it's gonna make you unhappy in the end, so if you just don't watch it, whatever it is, tik tok, or a certain youtube video, or pictures of certain women from social media/news, you're doing yourself a big favor and being happier overall. All I can say is the more I give up anything that could cause me to lust, the lighter and happier I feel. Think instead of a sacrifice, a gift, I'm giving myself peace of mind and true happiness.

Singularity wrote on 24 Jun 2020 04:04:

I just wanted to write that I found this post to be really deep and authentic; Both what bitochonGYE wrote and what Singularity wrote. Thank you both for sharing!

Day 14 - Having a hard time today. Bored, Angry, Stressed. 

Day 17 - Still tuff being without social media as entertainment but easier during the week because I'm preoccupied with work.

bitochonGYE wrote on 01 Jul 2020 06:02:

Guess that's why they say "keep on trucking" and not keep on cruising and enjoy life...

Keep working at it!

Day 20 - So far I'm managing. The desire is still strong. Today, I glanced at something while driving but instinct clicked in to look away which I did. It was hard. I really wanted a second glance. It took a few minutes for the desire to fade. 

Wow that's incredible! I hope you realize it

Hey I read your post. Can totally relate to you. I’ve had to constantly restart my 90 day count to. I hit 90 two weeks ago, and this past week had two bad falls. So totally know how it feels ... maybe a suggestion that will help for the future, when you feel an urge to view porn , why don’t you try replacing that desire with something meaningful? Like saying tehillim, an inspirational video ...

Day 21 - Sunday is my worst day. Down a bit and bored. Its the only escape I want. 

Try to find a new habit to fill your time. Something that you like and your interested in, like learning a instrument etc
If you ever wanna shmuz(especially when ur feeling down) feel free to reach out bofthg1@gmail.com or pm me on the GYE website.
Hatzlacha!

Mindfulness can explain self destructive behaviour.

Treat the urge to fall, as an external thought, rather than something that is part of you.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior