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Day 1 for who knows how many times
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Day 1 for who knows how many times 3695 Views

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 19 Jun 2020 03:11 #351498

  • tcrvo
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The fact that you are here counting & writing shows that its not a lost case.
there are 2 things 1סור מרע get rid of the bad stuff 2 עשה טוב start doing good instead, i find it that if i am focusing too much on the 1st part its easy for me to fall, so instead i started to focus more on the 2nd part.
i'll give you a few tips of mine it might helo others.
1; there are many apps for exercise if i have the time i do some, its a great way to get your energy out and you can see success right in front of your eyes
2; i downloaded a app to learn תנ"ך if i dont have the brains i just say a perek if i do i look into mefarshim as well, again if you set some goal to finish a sefer or more in a month or so etc. it shows your success.
3; if i am in a place that i cant workout nor learn torah! there are many apps to learn anything you want, just to keep your brain going i find KhanAcademy very helpfull because you see the results of how much you learnd. if you like languages there are apps for them too.
4; while writing this i kind of feel that to help others it helps me too.

I am renew at the 90days many years ago i tried a few times, was partialy succseful for some times then I stoped.

Now i am back
Good luck for all of us.
בסיעתא דשמיא
Since maintaining a healthy and sound body is among the ways of God
(Rambam De'ot 4;1)

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 19 Jun 2020 08:23 #351520

  • Hopeless101
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Thanks. I definitely need other outlets. I have right now a few sedarim including the daf. But between work and that ..I have no time. I'm up now even at 4AM writing this because I needed to catch up on more work. 

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 19 Jun 2020 11:05 #351524

  • Meyer M.
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From what I've found is that the first week generally is unbearable due to the brain pretty much being hardwired for so long in this way. Keep fighting, it will pass with time and effort. You're doing great and keep it up!!
Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 19 Jun 2020 12:52 #351526

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Thanks. I hope it's a fight I can win. It feels like the odds are stacked against me. My eyes happened to have gazed at something this morning (bikini) and it initiates such a strong desire to continue watching. I didn't even realize it right away it took 2 or 3 seconds for my brain to turn on and and I turned away. But that feeling came over me like hunger pain. Until I became preoccupied with something else that's all I could think about. Very hard. I feel society tells us it's a natural instinct to look or human nature. How do we fight something so primal?   

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 19 Jun 2020 18:05 #351541

Some things that helped for me so far: I think we got so used to oozing pleasure from our surroundings, we basically hardwired our brain to look for triggers and "get us going" for later on when we release. So any little thing we see our brain auto jumps to going all the way thats the "hunger" you feel.
But this can be fixed and rewired. As you mentioned when you see something, theres a mini period where ur brain starts tripping out, but 1) look away(1st look isnt your fault) 2) try to have a list of things for your brain to jump to quickly and focus on so you can move on from your "thirsty thoughts" (Also stam try to keep your mind busy in the streets so your eyes arent wandering)
Now its hard and your bodies gonna crave the look and masturbating after, but when you say NO, its gonna be tough in the beginning, but then it starts getting easier. The shockful lust after the first look gets weaker and your brain starts adjusting. 
And as Meir mentioned, its hard to make any change when our brain is still shakua("knee deep") in lust, so before you think you can or cant do anything, try to be clean for 3 days and go from there.
Again no one said its gonna be easy but you gotta really want it. Really really want, and you gotta believe its doable. Cause it is. Hatzlacha!
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
Last Edit: 19 Jun 2020 18:08 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 11:00 #351571

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Day 7 - It is getting a little harder. I try shaking off the desire to wanting to look at eye candy. But it is getting a bit harder to concentrate. The wanting comes more and more and I try shaking it off but its not easy. My brain seems to pull in that direction. I don't know how to rewire and the craving side of me doesn't want to.  

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 13:34 #351575

  • wilnevergiveup
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Just know that it can take some time, it's a process, it doesn't just happen in a day.

When you find something that works, try to stick to it. Even if you do fall it doesn't mean you are doing something wrong, just get back into it. Not too many people here succeed on their first try, just keep on fighting.

It's for sure a fight you can win.

This may or may not work for you, but I found it very important to really understand why I wanted to stop (and I mean why I want to, not G-D or my wife or my who knows who, but me). 
The logic is, that in life,there is always the easier route and the harder one. If you were given two choices what would you choose? Obviously the easier one, I mean why would anyone choose otherwise? 
In this fight I have the difficult option, discomfort, self control, pain anxiety etc. Why would I go through all that if I could have instant pleasure and forget about all my problems instead?

The answer for me is to make the difficult path more desperate then the easy route. Making goals, and motivating yourself with real reasons to stop will make it easier to keep fighting.
Do it because you want it, because it will make you happier, your head will be clearer, you will have healthier relationships, you will be guilt free, you will have more time, we can go on forever (there is a thread somewhere with long list) you have to find whats important to you and use it.

You've got to give yourself a reason to fight!

I hope this wasn't too much rambling...

Keep it up! keep us posted. 

Hatzlachah!
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 21 Jun 2020 19:52 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 14:47 #351578

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I find my only reason is to be closer to G-D. Vehisem Kedoshim .... this weeks parsha... I guess that should be reason enough..  : ) 

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 19:39 #351590

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Day 7 - I feel like I'm losing it today. Maybe because I'm bored. Its all I can think about and all I want to do. I can't shake it today. 

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 19:48 #351591

  • wilnevergiveup
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bitochonGYE wrote on 21 Jun 2020 14:47:
I find my only reason is to be closer to G-D. Vehisem Kedoshim .... this weeks parsha... I guess that should be reason enough..  : ) 

If it works, great! The point is whatever the reason is it has to be tangible and you have to really feel that it's stronger then the urge to fall. 

You sound like a real growing person. With Hashem's help you will succeed on your journey. 

You are 100% right, getting closer to Hashem should be a good enough reason. for some of us it isn't though. You are very special that for you it is!

May you have a lot of hatzlachah on your journey.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 21 Jun 2020 22:59 #351600

wilnevergiveup wrote on 21 Jun 2020 19:48:

bitochonGYE wrote on 21 Jun 2020 14:47:
I find my only reason is to be closer to G-D. Vehisem Kedoshim .... this weeks parsha... I guess that should be reason enough..  : ) 

If it works, great! The point is whatever the reason is it has to be tangible and you have to really feel that it's stronger then the urge to fall. 

I agree 100%. You have to be careful what you use for the reason bec a lot of us are baeli mussar and are in yeshiva/kollel, but the reasons like being closer to Hashem arent usually enough. You may be diff but the Yetzer hara is extremely clever and unfortunately he can play around with a concept thats hard for humans to understand(next world stuff). Hatzlacha! 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 22 Jun 2020 23:32 #351649

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Day 8 - So busy didn't have time to think. I need to figure out a solution for down time. I think that is a trigger. Also, its a little hard to turn away if I spot something. It takes me 4-5 seconds to register and not 1-2 like it should be. This is another thing that needs work. Can people really do this? How do you fight an instinct which you had your whole life?

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 23 Jun 2020 02:13 #351652

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Bitochon, bli ayin hara with all your forecasting doom, you are BH doing well. Keep it up. It is normal to go through this rough beginning. Don't panic.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 23 Jun 2020 05:13 #351666

It may help not to look at what your daily progress is, cause from day to day the progress is small and hard to see; but overall you can see where you started and where ur at now. (7 days clean! and your already more wary of what your looking at; thats BIG)
​Beginnings are gonna be hard, but youll get better at it. 
Also imagine telling someone to diet extremely hard but he wont lose weight. Dont eat all the stuff you enjoy and love and dont know why. Its pretty hard. Nimshal is KNOW WHY YOUR FIGHTING. Know whats at stake and what tremendous reward and growth your getting. When you have something to rally around: your not choosing "dont look at this" , rather your choosing "a better guilt-free life", "a better relationship with my wife and kids", "gan eidan" etc (few of the many reasons to stop). But you really have to sit and daher it and really internalize why you wanna change. I think this helps with shmiras einayim in the streets(dropping from 5 seconds to 4, then 3 etc)
Hatzlacha!
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
Last Edit: 23 Jun 2020 05:15 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Day 1 for who knows how many times 23 Jun 2020 12:49 #351673

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bitochonGYE wrote on 22 Jun 2020 23:32:
Day 8 - So busy didn't have time to think. I need to figure out a solution for down time. I think that is a trigger. Also, its a little hard to turn away if I spot something. It takes me 4-5 seconds to register and not 1-2 like it should be. This is another thing that needs work. Can people really do this? How do you fight an instinct which you had your whole life?

Try not to reason at all and first look away asap. Then do reason, wait a second, is that going to do good to me? Staring at her? I can't have this woman, she's most certainly not mine and will never be. And looking at her is really gonna damage my relationship to G-d and my family. Isn't it better if I don't even create expectations? Can't I just move on? Won't I be happier by not looking?

It's what I do, I try to turn away almost like forcefully, against the instinct, then I think it's important to have this conversation with yourself.

As of lately I've been chewing on Dov's words too. "G-d created this goy woman for a purpose, and most certainly it's not for her to be stared at. Most certainly not by myself too. Perhaps she's the newcaster and her function is to bring news to the world. I must not interfere with her function in this world. She was taught that it's ok to be dressed this way, and she most certainly would not be content with men staring at her. Can't I respect this simple truth?"
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 23 Jun 2020 12:52 by Snowflake.
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