B"H all is good. I'm home and clean.
Have a great Shabbos everyone!

I'm back in Yeshiva. Clean.
But still depressed about shidduchim...

So stressed...
Just finished the super long class and things just aren't working. So stressful.
And yet, much as I want to, I know that masturbating won't actually release my stress. It will numb it for a few seconds and then I'll be even more miserable.

You better stick it out one more day so you reach כ"ח, you can use some it sounds...
Keep strong buddy, and I'm sure we will all get free service from whatever your learning there....

Thanks Sapy.
Baruch Hashem I have made it to 28 and yes, HaKadosh Baruch Hu has given me an injection of Koach. 
I had a very refreshing night Seder last night and started a shiur series on Shaar HaBitachon. It's time to put more faith in Him than in Shadchanim and "the system".

Baruch Shechiyanu V'kimanu Lazman Hazeh!
1 month clean!
Wow, this is the longest I have ever gone. 30 days of taking it one day at a time. I definitely feel like I'm building up those muscles, that this not a part of me, I don't need it and I don't do it. Of course I can't let my guard down for a second and think that just because I have 30 days I'm out of the woods.
I will note that I think my recent bouts of depression are due to withdrawal. As you can see from my posts lately I've been getting very down and even when I pull myself out of it, I'll feel depressed again the next day. It makes sense, it has been 30 days since I last masturbated or looked at pornography. My body and brain are still craving the rush of dopamine. Hodu L'Hashem! I feel down psychologically, perhaps even physiologically (been having a lot of headaches lately) but I know that is just part of rewiring my brain and I know in the long run I will get much more happiness and pleasure out of life if I just weather through these uncomfortable days of withdrawal.
"The Battle of our Generation" points out that when we masturbate we are flooding our brains with dopamine, to a point that it is so much that we begin killing off the receptors. The result is that it takes more to give us pleasure (we start looking for more intense porn etc). The opposite is happening to me. Slowly I'm regenerating those receptors and, without flooding them, regular things in life should give me much more simcha. Like I said, Hodu L'Hashem!

Hodu L'Hashem for giving gye such a special member named BHYY !
you are a true inspiration for me and many more!
keep it up!

I feel so loved 
Thank you all!

I’m home now, gotta keep accountable. 
I will not touch an unfiltered device. And, of course, Daven that He help me and continue to give me strength. 

Such urges this morning. Empty house... I know I should go somewhere, do something productive etc. But I have assignments I need to finish and they're not exactly relaxing or enjoyable. 
Oh well. Not acting out. It's not me anymore. 
Mishenichnas Adar Marbim B'Simcha, gotta make the best of it.

Wow! U rock man. Very impressive. Keep shteiging!

BHYY wrote on 12 Feb 2021 15:21:

Please remember that you have many chaveirim on GYE that are looking up to you and when you keep strong it helps us all... We're looking forward to hear how you kept strong today... One day at a time!

Doing okay B"H. Thanks for the responses.

Shabbos was amazing. (I'm in my favorite 6-hour class )
Shovavim are now over and with it my commitment to YESOD. I enjoyed being part of YESOD, the question is should I continue it? Modify it?
I really want to continue it but on the same hand when I'm sitting in these boring classes I enjoy skimming through sites like the Wall Street Journal online. I guess there really is no question...if I want to stay clean I have to stay away from these sites.