No it sounds like you're practising for having children. B'sha'ah Tovah!

Wow I am having a really rough day. So many urges...I've been poking around GYE, listening to Shiurim (R' Shafier The Fight) trying to get my mind off of it but just can't seem to shake it. I feel like I'm just white-knuckling which so long as I stay clean I guess works. But man this is rough!

I know the way you feel but stay strong because we keep the world going , all the gedolim and those that have been moser Nefesh have their eyes on us to continue inHashems way keep it up you rock!!!!!

Well I fell. The whole day was a struggle for me and B"H I am so proud of making it this far. 6 days clean! In a way I'm happy it happened on 6 days and not 7. 7 days is a round number, a full week. Here I can remind myself that this isn't about streaks or a high number on the counter, it is about life and resetting my brain for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
I'm still digesting what was different about today that led to the fall, I'm going to reach out to a Chaver to speak it out and make improvements. Full steam ahead! Even right now after the fall I have an urge to masturbate, what the heck I had to reset the counter anyways might as well get my money's worth. This I won't give in to. A minor setback today but I'm going to keep going. I have 6 clean days that I worked for in my account. Onward and upward!

It's ok, like I said the first week is insane for most, but even if you extend it by one day it helps you get more out of this fight, you did great, when I first started I went only to four days and you did 6 that's 2 more than me, so you got a lot more out of yourself. Congratulations!!! Keep on going and dont stop trying.

Great point.
I fell last week on day 13 of my biggest streak yet. Haven't fully recuperated from that but now I see your point. It's not about getting a 'round 2 weeks', it's about rewiring my brain to appreciate my true values.

I don't want to dwell on the fall as it is time to move on full steam ahead but just 2 points.
First, if anyone reading this is in the same boat as me and thinks 6 days clean isn't significant, let me explain this way. Even if nothing changes and all I can do is 6 days clean before falling, that is watching porn and masturbating 52 times a year-down from 365 times. That is tremendous!
Second, I now know what to expect. The first couple of weeks are rough. Withdrawal will take its toll. I have to take it easy on myself for the first couple of weeks, surround myself with creature comforts, even spoil myself for a bit if you will. But this will pass also, my GYE mentors tell me the fight gets easier with time.
Time to move on. Hayom Yom Rishon...

Chevra, today has been rough. Right from the get-go I've wanted to masturbate. You'd think after a fall the YH would give me a chance to get up.
It was a really rough morning, forget one day at a time it was touch and go one minute at a time. I was at my end, about to give up and throw in the towel when I remebered the first person on GYE who reached out to me, the first person who I spoke to on the phone. The first person who convinced me to speak to a Rebbe and get the wheels rolling all those years ago.
Bigmoish!
So I went on to his thread and started reading. And the desire finally waned. Bigmoish, you saved me today!
Now show yourself around these parts!! 

Wow, that's a beautiful story. And know that the struggle you just had on day 1, could have been as difficult as a guy who wants to act out on day 20, everything is relative so celebrate and be proud of yourself for this win just as you would for a big streak. 
When I feel an urge, I found the forum as a big help too, and it t feels great to hear a GYE success story, YES, SUCCESS STORY,( it doesn't get better than this )that how one GYE brother lifted up another, and it's still having its effects.  Keep up the fight, refresh, reset what worked  and change anything hat didn't, or can be better.  

Keep  it up BHYY, I have a feeling that there's a lot of success in store for you

Thanks yosef10.
Not going to lie, today was a struggle. Every time I got over an urge another one threatened to take me down. But I persevered thanks to all the wonderful people on GYE! It got so bad this afternoon that I just put my head down and fell asleep...hey it worked.
Full steam ahead, we're all in this together.

I fell.
Today was one big struggle. B"H I overcame most of them. I literally pushed this off for 12 hours! I thought today was in the bag, I got through it. But then I had a Zoom class...I tried circumventing my filter to watch YouTube and one thing led to the next as it often does and I ended up on an unfiltered watching porn and masturbating.
I haven't been defeated yet. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I could have gotten through today. But there is nothing I can do about it now but move forward. 

I once heard a quote from a Rosh Yeshiva who was consoling a bochur who caved in after holding back for many hours, "I want to kiss the hand that held back from not being motzi zera so many times". 12 hours!!!  incredible...….

Nu, social distancing? Maybe Wait a bit until you let anyone kiss your hand.  

But in all seriousness... .Amazing, try to get back on the horse of committing to recovery before you even emotionally realize that you fell. Get right back to where you were, and when all those feelings come up, it doesn't matter... Because essentially your in the same position that were in before you fell. You are a teacher to many of us here on the forum, keep us educated and keep us posted, it's the best medicine for everyone around here. 

Cheers to day 1... Bring out the shnops... I'm more of a grape juice guy though  guess I'm a rebel

BHYY wrote on 19 May 2020 03:08:

We can't imagine the reward we'll get for every second that we held back and pushed away the bad temptations. In the end it will all add up and you'll gain an incredible self control with the help of Hashem!
Keep on growing! 

Baruch Hashem today went well. Thank you to everyone who give me chizuk and continue to inspire me every day.