So frustrated just listening to him talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk......

Ok. List 3 reasons why you don't want to masturbate. 

Grant400 wrote on 31 Jan 2021 17:39:

1. It’s not going to make me feel any better, I’ll just feel worse. 
2. It’s not a healthy stress reliever.
3. I need to get out of this habit before marriage.

BHYY wrote on 31 Jan 2021 17:58:

Great reasons. But let's just take #1. So does it make sense? To give yourself 10 seconds of pleasure for hours and hours of pain, giving up hard work, and having to work harder and suffering the consequences later?

Quote: " I want to watch porn.
I want to masturbate.
Right now.
But I won't.
Because I want to have a healthy life. I want to get married and treat my wife as a person, and have the headspace to be there for her emotionally. I want to have a kosher, happy, fulfilling marriage.
I won't give in. Even though the urge is strong. Even though I am bored and restless. Doing monotonous tasks for hours on end today... College classes and then coursework...
Even though I'm pretty depressed on how shidduchim have been for me lately.
I will stay clean.
I'm sure I'll be back... " End quote.



This is so powerful and so inspiring!

You should print it out and keep it somewhere as a reminder. What you wrote is proof of something I started realizing lately: The biggest weapon that we have in this fight...is us! Yes, sometimes we give ourselves the inspiration that will stop us from doing aveiros, and that could be the key. After all, Hashem gives us all of our unique talents for a reason, and I think one of those reasons is to help improve ourselves in our struggles. You seem like you're a pretty good writer. Maybe Hashem made you that way so you would write something like this to help yourself (and others).

Congrats on 20 days by the way!!

Grant400 wrote on 31 Jan 2021 18:17:

I hear you. It’s just so tempting. That rush of dopamine. I’m over 5 hours into this class

No one is trying to dissuade you, by telling you it's not tempting. We must accept that fact. Just try answering it with logic and the emotional aspect of suffering after.

Remember, it's ok to be tempted and not respond.

Hang in there! Almost at the finish line! 

Finally..........it's over.

BHYY wrote on 31 Jan 2021 21:19:

BH! We were all rooting for you!

If only the professor knew how much he can affect a guy's life...……..

In case you need a boost, here is a joke I recently heard.

B'chasdei Hashem and with the tremendous chizuk and support of my GYE family, I made it through today.
It really is something to see 21 days, 3 full weeks of not watching porn or masturbating. 
I was telling HHM on Friday when I was depressed about the shidduch not working out (still am, those are feelings for you...) that I really thought that because this was the first girl that I went out with since consciously deciding to flip the switch on porn and masturbating it would magically work out and this would be the one. As he reminded me, it doesn't work that way. We didn't even go out that long for me to be so emotionally attached but I guess I was really hoping this would be the one. When you think about it, all the effort you put into doing the research into the shidduch and all the calls, then planning the dates (add Covid-closures/regulations to the mix), you really are becoming emotionally attached even though you've only known her for a few hours.
It wasn't bashert... Gotta move on...
Today is a triple accomplishment (maybe I have to move to the L'chaim Shteeble...)

1. 21 days clean
2. I stayed clean after a promising shidduch fell apart
3. I stayed clean through an arduous 6 1/2 hour class

Mazel tov and L'chaim!

BHYY wrote on 01 Feb 2021 02:03:

First of all, way to go, BHYY, for your persistence today! Well done!

Second, what you said about "it would magically work out" resonates with me. I used to think that my pornography/masturbation indulgence or abstinence had an obvious metaphysical impact. Masturbating meant that some tragedy would happen the next day, for example. Refraining would mean that a tefilah would obviously be answered. I do believe that my actions and inactions have an spiritual impact, but not necessarily an obvious one. I don't know how the Ribbono Shel Olam makes all of those considerations.

Keep it up, BHYY! You're an inspiration.

It's been 23 days and I still have an urge to escape to porn and masturbating... And yet, I know it won't make me feel any better.

I'm pretty down about my shidduchim situation. I've been dating for a while and don't seem to be making any headway. "You're one closer..." I've been hearing that for a while, I believe it even, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I just want to have someone to love and appreciate and who loves and appreciates me in return.

BHYY wrote on 03 Feb 2021 01:24:

Do you have someone to guide you in the shidduch process?
Are you seeking shidduch guidance here?
Have you read the book What Did You Say? Making Yourself Understood in Marriage: A Jewish Perspective by Rabbi Simcha Cohen?