11 days clean. I'm home now.
Baruch Hashem all is going well.
I just want to reiterate my post from Sunday, Rabosai thank you for getting me out of Makas Choshech and welcoming me to the "club". The purest, friendliest, most welcoming club of Yidden.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Baruch Hashem Shabbos was very nice and I am still clean.
Just thought I'd pop in to update everyone and wish you all a gut voch

2 weeks clean...Hodu L'Hashem Ki Tov!
I had a date tonight and for the first time I felt a confidence I never experienced before. Sure there was the anxiety and jitters and all the normal feelings before a date but there was something else. Not a major thing but a subtle difference, a confidence that I am changing directions and with HaKadosh Baruch Hu's continued help, and support from the amazing chevra here, I will be successful. 

BHYY wrote on 25 Jan 2021 04:35:

What a great feeling to report. Working on these issues has a spillover effect on other parts of our lives. I'm happy for you!

17 days clean b’chasdei Hashem. 
Please help me stay accountable as I go home for Shabbos. As usual, firstly I will Daven. I will not touch any unfiltered device and I will post here once a day to check in. 

That sounds a great plan. Have a great shabbos!

I'm home...and just got dumped
Keeping strong and staying clean!
Will check in after Shabbos. Have a wonderful Shabbos everyone!

Ah Gut Voch everyone.
Shabbos was nice, I was definitely more down after Friday and the emptiness and loneliness in the house was definitely more pronounced. 
Had some weird dreams last night and one wet dream so I woke up at 4:00am in that situation...not fun.
As HHM says, that's a good sign because it means the nefesh hasichli has made a conscious decision to not masturbate anymore and the nefesh habihami is getting its fix other ways. 
Back to Yeshiva tomorrow and sweet routine. Have to get back on the horse and move forward with shidduchim... I don't think it's burnout because I want to go out again I just can't do first and second dates anymore...I hate smalltalk! Oh well... There's only one way to get married (at least in my Litvish circles...)

I want to watch porn.
I want to masturbate.
Right now.
But I won't.
Because I want to have a healthy life. I want to get married and treat my wife as a person, and have the headspace to be there for her emotionally. I want to have a kosher, happy, fulfilling marriage.
I won't give in. Even though the urge is strong. Even though I am bored and restless. Doing monotonous tasks for hours on end today... College classes and then coursework...
Even though I'm pretty depressed on how shidduchim have been for me lately.
I will stay clean.
I'm sure I'll be back...

BHYY your awesome! I love how you are able to see and share so clearly what you are going through and what you truly want. In this zchus, may Hashem answer all your tefilos b'karov mammesh!

AMEIN!

Great post! 

Help me.
Save me.
Online course. I've been here for 3.5 hours already and still have 3 more hours to go. Soooooo monotonous and boring. And sooooo not good for my urges. 

BHYY wrote on 31 Jan 2021 17:34:

Unfiltered? 

Grant400 wrote on 31 Jan 2021 17:36:

No, filtered. But sitting here for hours on end bored and listening makes me really want to masturbate.