Im an idiot. opened my yap after i got pissed at my father yesterday and said some not nice things deliberately. well today was a nice little hell, things didnt work out so well today. 

better work on kibbbud av v'aim 

in other news: Day 34: clean

Meyer M. wrote on 08 Jun 2020 02:35:

Congrats on not beating yourself up too much and "punishing yourself" by doing self destructive things. None of us are perfect and sometimes we say mean things. I've had that feeling in my relationship with my father as well and what I've found is that the best remedy is for me to simply make sure I'm taking care of myself and happy internally, whether I get there through exercise meditation etc. Often our friction with others comes from friction within. KUTGW!

Lately been slipping in my thoughts, B'h not SSA. Will work on it

Day 35: Clean!

Day 36: Clean! Went to a friends house, one of the relatives would normally trigger me in a SSA manner, didn't happen this time around, kept my thoughts clean and even allowed myself to open a conversation with them and find a nice little relationship with them. Its strange because I would have thoughts in such an SSA manner and now that I'v been under control for over two months I look back at my thoughts and the current relationship and think about how damaging lust is. It can take an innocent person, whom you like, and turn it into a monster where you want a completely twisted relationship. I go often to this persons house in the summer, so B'h thats taken care of.

Its mind numbing how crazy my journey has been already. And I'm definitely going to ask for advice on other scenarios which need improvement.

Rabbosai, Hatzlachah Rabbah!

Thanks so much for replying on my forum, really meant a lot to me, especially when I was down.

Regarding your friend, just make sure to be careful.. at the end of the day we can't control our thoughts really, we can let them pass, and not identify with them but we always have to be prepared.

Im so happy for your success!!!! KEEP IT UP!!!

yosef10 wrote on 11 Jun 2020 02:29:

  yes we cant control our thoughts but if our lust is taken down to a point the y'h will not bother you with thoughts of a higher degree (SSA) because you will not be triggered by them, think of a gadol, do you think the y'h is bothering him a whole day to murder? Of course not, he wont listen, so he starts small ("just dont learn for a minute, you're too tired" - y'h). This concept is actually discussed in Rav Shafier's lesson (The Fight). I'm actually seeing the craziest pictures, not even on the internet, in the street of all places, this is where the summer gets problematic and I definitely need to step up my game.

Day 37: Clean! 

Day 38: Clean.

The world has gone crazy. May hashem protect us. I'll be honest I'v been thinking of carrying a weapon on me for protection...still thinking about it but I hope it won't come to that

Day 39: Clean!

Day 40: (Shabbos) Clean, had the most difficult urges throughout the day and was struggling. Thankfully I found the strength to hold out and keep clean. But the satisfaction after I held out was worth the whole ordeal. Almost halfway through 90 days, I can’t wait for 45 days and I love doing this for my girlfriend and everyone else. 

GYE, yasher koach!!!

Day 41: Clean.

Congratulations! Keep us posted! Your progress is a great chizuk to everyone here!

Day 42: Clean.

Meyer M. wrote on 14 Jun 2020 04:37:

Just a general question if you feel comfortable answering. How if at all do you think your struggle changes given that you have a girlfriend. 

yosef10 wrote on 16 Jun 2020 15:25:

I think that it’s helped a lot, even without her knowledge of my struggle, she is a very special person and I definitely love her very much and it has given me something big to fight for. The Jewish community definitely views it as taboo but there is such a thing as a healthy relationship between a young boy and girl, the right boundaries have to be established and granted I’v known her a long time but we have not touched inappropriately at any age, we have followed the rules that are there. So has it helped me? Without a doubt yes, but I do know from experience is that most boys do not know boundaries and do not treat it maturely and it ends up getting out of hand. So I wouldn’t start recommending to people to start getting into relationships that may lead to more problems. If you have one, Great! If not, most Rabbanim I’m would advise you to stay away. Kind of like a prescription drug for a very specific individual.

Hatzlacha!

For anyone thinking of starting an innocent boyfriend girlfriend relationship it would be advisable to watch or listen to Rabbi Orlofsky's masterful presentation titled "The Platonic Relationship". Besides bluntly confronting the challenges, he happens to be very funny.....,

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Jun 2020 21:38:

Smart reply

Day 43: Clean.

Getting very hectic, preparing for camp, college, work all in one week. Corona Corona Corona, boy it has flipped the world on its head.