Just fell today:( It's disappointing, but at least I know where I stand. In response, I'm pledging to read through דרך האמת and rekindle the fire in me to put this to a stop once and for all. Here's an written affirmation of why this matters to me:

• When I act out, I am not in control - this is scary to think about.
• It makes me selfish, impulsive and irritable.
• It takes over my brain, I can no longer focus on things that are important.
• It messes with my perception of the world, it makes me live a lie.

I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS FOR MYSELF!!!!!

Please Hashem, I wanted to be disgusted by this stuff. Help me clear my clouded perceptions, give me the clarity and fortitude to fight this till the end.

evergreen wrote on 24 Apr 2020 19:38:

Those four points add up to a good step 1!!! I feel exactly the same way, having to lie to my wife in her face directly, no sfeikos even!!

Evergreen, 

I wish you much hatzlacha! Each step we take is just one more step in the right direction! Hashem definitely wants you to get past this, so keep up the great work and you will iy''h find his help!

We are rooting for you!

Thank you Realestatemogul for the support!



Just attained Level 2, stay tuned for Level 3 iy"h:)

supposed to have a funny image here, but I thought against it.

You go man!!!

welcome to the gye band of brothers! I'm new here also. Keep us posted on your journey

Rekindle that fire!!!!

Let's go!

Thank you all for your support! You guys are the best!

Sorry I've been out of touch. Going to catch up with y'all now, just some background first....

A month ago I had just fallen and I was perusing gye and eyeing the chevra's inspirational 90 days logs and the AWESOME support system it provided (that's you guys, give yourself a pat on the back:)), so that's when I was like, "you know what, this could be really helpful, maybe I'll give that a try". But I realized after starting this blog thing that I didn't want to be reminded on a regular basis of my struggle by having to blog about it - I didn't want to give the yetzer hara any handhold by validating that he has control over me.

This became my general approach as well. I decided to walk a very fine line where I would still acknowledge my current state enough to put some gedarim in place, yet forgo other gedarim that were too intensive and put to much of a focus on my current state. Blogging fell into the latter category, so I dumped it.

The results have been overwhelmingly positive, b"h  - It's been 4 WEEKS clean!

Wanted to share with you all what worked for me. Obviously this ain't the end of the line, I have a long ways to go, but it's been working for 4 weeks, so there must be something to it....

So maybe I'll post again at some point, maybe I won't, but whether I'm blogging or not, the love for your encouragement and warmth is the same! GO TEAM!

Different strokes for different folks. Take whatever works for you and run with it. We'll be rooting for you regardless!

Nice. See you in a month! A gutten Shavuos!

Just a two cents: I don't have to validate the YH has control over me, but that might not be living realistically. I can at least accept it, as that's the struggle of life, no?

Just reached 90 today (yay!), and thought I would share what has worked for me, in case it would be helpful to anyone.

What worked for me best was distraction tactics. The benefit of passively fighting my yetzer hara was that I could avoid the risk of getting triggers that come with focusing on trying to overcome my desires. I did place gedarim on myself, but I avoided placing ones that would remind of my struggle. I actually rarely visited GYE (unless I really needed some chizuk) because I found myself looking for triggers on the website while telling myself that I was looking for content so I could improve. Yup, that's the nature of the beast.

Some indirect tactics that helped me were:

1) Singing in the shower - It's really hard to get to the point of acting out if you're humming a jewish tune out loud, just doesn't feel right:)
2) Actually following the tznius halachos when using the bathroom of only uncovering what I need to. It's just the halacha, so I don't need to make any associations with my struggle.
3) Side sleeping - another halacha which is meant to prevent emissions, but can be framed as just the halacha, regardless of whether you struggle or not.
4) Keeping busy, having a social life - when my days are productive and fulfilling, acting out generally doesn't cross my mind. Exercise is a great of way of turning around an unproductive day and making yourself feel better.

Iy"h, looking forward to another 90!

evergreen wrote on 23 Jul 2020 03:10:

Mazol Tov!  that's amazing!  I"H many more!

Mazel tov and thank you for posting your advice!