Days 44-45: Yesterday was a very difficult day. Not related to this stuff. Turns out there is plenty of suffering in life without the habits/behaviors/addictions we want to stop. Today was better because thank G-d I was actually able to get some sleep last night. Still not out of the woods unfortunately. Still have unresolved feelings and still am feeling extremely confused and sad. Gosh, I know I'm so far from perfect, but can anything in life just work out well for once? Gosh, I suppose that is a very ungrateful thing to say, because I have many things to be thankful for, but when something hard happens it's very hard to appreciate those things. Sorry for the ramble. I'm not sure if any of that made sense. Going to start heading towards bed, so wishing y'all a good night and only revealed goodness in your lives!

Amen!!

If I may, I would add that there is a psychological concept called positive sentiment override. It is what is sounds like.

Things seem better when you think of the better things.

If someone were to put this into practice in life, they would think of 1 or 2, maybe more, great things that happened that day. After doing that for a week, the person will have tuned their brain (mostly & obviously every person is different) to the good

Ihavestrength wrote on 18 Jun 2020 02:12:

Makes perfect sense , the details aren’t really important... hope the sun shines brighter for you tomorrow ever after.

Days 46-48: Ok shabbos BH. Had a disappointment recently. Trying to accept that Hashem has a plan that doesn't always make sense to me and that truly "ain ra yotzei milmala"... 

Have a great week!

Day 49: BH, ok day today. Finally came to an understanding regarding something that was bothering me. Talking things over with friends and family and getting advice helps make things clearer for sure. Ok, getting tired thankfully. Good night!

Day 50: Productive day at work today BH. Was a bit lonely though. Thank G-d for the phone and family that I can call. Unfortunately didn't learn my daily shiurim. Not super happy bout that. Hey, you win some you lose some. Did it yesterday though. Ain't all or nothing o' course. Learning on half the days of the week is better than learning for no days. Way freaking better lol. Ok, I'm pretty tired I think so going to head towards bed. Have a great night people! 

Keep going, keep plugging, your doing great. 
Just bec we dont post doesnt mean we aint reading. (I read almost daily)
Hatzlacha!

Day 51: Ok day BH. I just wish i was able to consistently wake up early and actually be on time for stuff Well I guess technically I'm able to lol. Anyways, that's the beauty of a new day. We get to try again Good night! 

Your continuous posts are great. Especially since you share your moods. Most men have such a hard time sharing disappointment, loneliness, etc. It builds up, and bust! Unfortunately at that point many just act out due to their default setting of dealing with uncomfortable feelings and stress. By sharing, you are staying kosher.

Day 52: Thanks HHM. I appreciate it. I just want to clarify something: I share feelings on the forum because I do so in person as well. One of the biggest differences in how I respond to challenge and adversity nowadays is that I lean on and seek advice from others. 

People talk about sharing being magic. Ye, it helps with shame, sure. It also let's you get support from others instead of from other things. Humans aren't made to be invincible. Noone is. Healthy people need each other. 

Ok, does that count for a daily post ? I hope so cause I'm really tired Will just say that thank G-d I was on time to work today and super surprisingly I wasn't swamped at all and things were uncharacteristically slow so I even got to learn on the job! So double win!!

Ok, have a great night y'all!

Day 53: Ok day today BH. On time to work again. Slow day again. Got to learn my daily shiurim on the job again. Yay me! I notice that music is definitely powerful. I have pretty discerning taste usually, but occasionally, like today, I'll go for some pop stuff. Turns out it's not good for me. Stick with what works. 

Scotch. Its nice, but is a quick fix way to relax, without really changing much really. I was doing fine without really drinking anything much at all. Then I found a bottle in my cabinet.

I don't have a bad relationship with alcohol or anything, but it could be that the less things I do that are quick fixes to relax, keeps me more centered. Honestly, though I think it's simpler: alcohol impairs self control and judgement, so not super great for this area. Sorry if thr above made no sense at all. In my defense, I wasn't really trying to make sense. Just sharing some random thoughts. I find it's not helpful for me to filter em. You see, filters ain't always useful. Usually if I feel like I should write about something, I should, even if I don't really want to or even know what I'm saying.  

Ok, enough rambling for one night I think. Have a great night y'all!

Ihavestrength wrote on 26 Jun 2020 03:53:

Really nice piece. I think you hit the nail on the head here, what we are really trying to do is stop using quick fixes so substituting this one for a different one wont do us much good. 
I have it with food also, and as long as I was working on one area I used the other one for my fix. I didn't see any success until I started working on both at the same time.

Totally random but here is a song about sharing emotions that struck a chord with me. https://gye.vids.io/videos/489edcb31412e7c6c0/8th-day-communicate

Love your thread, real person, real struggles, real feelings. I can relate sometimes so really inspiring to follow your journey.

All the best
Wilnevergiveup

KUTGR !

Day 54: Looking forward to Shabbos BH. Thank G-d for shabbos. Definitely a real gift. Although I do get people's gripes with it. Definitely feel that sometimes as well. Anyways, have a great restful shabbos everyone! Speak to you soon! Peace out and don't forget to eat cholent! Ok, fine, kugel works too. 

Day 55: Not doing my most incredible. Having a hard time getting my mind off something. Unfortunately, I think the only thing that will help is further action in this area, which is going to require patience. Also, got other worries of course. Sorry for the vagueness lol. Ok, sorry for this extremely important and and exciting post. Getting tired thankfully, so gonna pursue that avenue. Gut voch and shavua tov! Have a great week everyone!