What you wrote about Shavuos is so true. For many years, the ritual was - stay up and learn, daven vasikin, make Kiddush, and then release all the anxiety while trying to fall asleep by masturbating big time...……. BH I graduated. Hope you did too.

Day 26 and 27: Shavuos was alright thank G-d. Nervous about some upcoming personal events.

Also driving myself crazy with reading the news about coronavirus. I'm pretty conservative and object to a lot of what I feel is goverment overreach.

Like masks for example. Being that according to current CDC best estimates the mortality rate for young people is low,* why don't we simply provide our senior citizens with n95 masks, as opposed to making everyone wear masks and socially distance? We actually need immunity in the younger population in order to protect the elderly! Even in the best case scenario a vaccine is far away in time, and you can't have a functioning country with the regime of masks and social distancing. This is besides the fact that the risk of this virus doesn't justify the broad infringements of civil liberties that are occurring. So to people who say that you need to wear a mask to protect the vulnerable, why not simply get n95 masks for the vulnerable which will actually protect them? 

Sorry for this off topic rant. I know this is an odd forum for this, but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest. I hope I didn't come across as insensitive to the suffering this virus has caused, because I am not. I just think that we are creating worse damage with our mitigation tactics.

Ok, I think I will officially stop reading the news to preserve my sanity lol.  

*Best estimate for overall mortality rate is 0.4% and for those 0-49  it is 0.05 % and for people 65+ it is 1.3%. https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/hcp/planning-scenarios.html#box

Edit: Good night people!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 31 May 2020 04:50:

Yessir. 

Day 28: Busy day today. Some stress, but good things in the works B"H.

Evening prayer: Hashem, please send healing and peace to a country and world which really needs it right now. 

Have a good night y'all!

Day 29: Beautiful day today. Chasdei Hashem ki lo tamu ki lo chalu rachamav. 

Quite tired, so going to try and get some shut eye. Probably should shower first. 

Have a good night y'all!

Ihavestrength wrote on 28 May 2020 23:07:

If it works for you

No matter how hungry I am, if I am in lust mode, I can forget about eating for hours. Through experience of many, the famous triggers are hungry, angry lonely, tired. So be weary of em I guess.

Yes I work myself up on shavuos as well. BH Hashem Help Me! I Hope I have graduated too!

In Hashem's eyes, what's more precious: A whole night learning, or another clean day?

Commandment #0: don't be an idiot

Day 30: Tired. Waking up really early after going to sleep late. Going to go to bed earlier tonight B"H. Pretty good day BH. 

Had a nocturnal emission last night. No orgasm and no dream. I didn't even realize that i had one till I was in the bathroom and I'm like "wow, what do we have here lol". 

I don't feel bad at all about the nocturnal emission, cause I didn't try bringing it about at all, and I don't even remember it happening lol. Definitely less triggering the next morning when it happens like that. 

However, on a practical level it i pretty annoying. I'm traveling, so there went my one pair of PJ bottoms. Also, some got on the sheet and it's like I feel like I'm unclean in some way if I sleep in the bed now. 

I don't know if sleeping in a bed with dry semen makes you tamei. Wow, this has gotten weird fast I guess Torah's perspective on this has made me a bit OCD on this topic. I figured I'd share this cause i may be helpful for someone to hear in some odd way. 

Anyways, I'm falling asleep so I'd better go before I forget to hit the submit button. 

Ok, last thing: BH I'm seeing a lot of brachos right now. This can make me feel unworthy. The correct response for me has been to thank Hashem. Sometimes I think we can self sabotage in these cases. Ok, now I sense that I'm definitely ramblin. 

Have an awesome night people! 

But 

Day 31 and 32: Slacking off with the daily posting Thank G-d doing well. Seeing alot of brachos BH. This makes me feel unworthy and that I need to learn more Torah and do more mitzvos. But more often than not, with work and everything else that life entails I just don't find the time or energy to consistently keep to a learning schedule which I feel is sufficient to help me feel connected. Maybe the key is to start with something small at first. Ok, going to try to go to bed by eleven so I can get up early iyh. 

Hope everyone is doing well. Good night! 

Day 33-35:  Good day today BH. Ended off with some uncertainty which is tough. Anytime I hope and pray that something will work out, but I'm just not sure if it will, and I don't have complete control over whether it will, I become a bit nervous Trying to trust in Hashem who is the source of all good and to do my best to do my hishtadlus (while recognizing that it is going to be insufficient and very likely imperfect). OK, I'm falling asleep so hopefully some of the above made some sense. Have a good night y'all! 

Day 36: Tough day today. Unrelated to this sugya. Turns out there are other tough areas of life. I really want something to work out and I'm getting scared that it won't. I suppose I need to stop worrying and start trusting in Hashem and thinking positively. Tracht gut vet zein gut as the chassidishe saying goes. Think good and it will be good. Going to start doing that in regards to this situation. 

Wishing y'all a good night!

Days 37 and 38: Forgetting to post daily. Been busy and was trying to improve a tough situation. BH, through thinking positively, davening and hishtadlus, I've made progress and beezrat Hashem all will go well. 

Been feeling inadequate somewhat lately. I guess I compare myself to what I imagine other people are like. Which is sort of ridiculous. Just like people have no idea about alot of the things I don't like about me which makes me feel insecure, I likewise am not privy to their issues. Something to think about to get over insecurity using logic lol. Anyways, probably talking nonsense. Good night!

Days 39-41: OK shabbos BH. Nervous about something coming up. Bitachon and doing my best is the plan for now. It's crazy how in life you really can't even imagine the things you might need to deal with in tthe future. New worries, and BeH new joys.

Sounds like you have something pretty major going on in your life. May Hashem give you menuchas hanefesh. It is great that you are learning to separate the awkward feelings of inadequacy (that most of us have) from needing to act out. Feeling "low" along with the stress you are experiencing are major triggers. Finding kosher ways to feel good about yourself would probably help you iyh deal with this issue more confidently, while lifting your spirits and mood. Hatzlocha.

Day 42: BH, ok day. Did some cleaning and errands. Big day tomorrow, should probably get some sleep Lastly, a prayer:

G-d, please grant me the confidence to be myself, my best self, thus allowing me to give to and love others free of fear and insecurity. 

Ok, have a great night people! 

Day 43: Things didn't go my way today. Man thinks and G-d laughs I guess. Gam zu letova. I suppose tears over life's disappointments is better than tears of being disappointed with oneself. This too shall pass I suppose, but it's hurting so bad right now it's hard to believe. Sorry for being such a downer. BH I'll have happier things to write about soon. 

Good night!