Hey buddy, you do whatever works for you. There is no one correct approach to this complex matter. Follow your heart - it appears to be a good one - and just knock 'em dead!

Nice to hear from you again, we missed you here.

Just a thought, it's important to make sure you have concrete motivation before deciding to minimize the other tools and not the other way around. You can't expecting the motivation to somehow float into your brain suddenly when you stop counting.

I do agree with the idea that we need to have real motivation and that the tools are just tools and not the reason. However I don't agree with you that i will be helpful to stop using them. The important thing here is to have a solid reason, once you have that, the tools can be very helpful as long as you don't lose sight of your real goal.

The question you have to ask yourself here is why? Why are you doing this, wouldn't it be so much easier to just give in?

Everyone needs to have their why, and it needs to be a good enough reason that it's stronger than the temptation.

If yiras samayim is strong you can use G-d as the why, but if it's not then it just wont be strong enough to overcome the temptation. Some people do it because they want to have a better marriage some people do it because the feeling of guilt is too much to bear and some people do it just because they feel so awful afterwards. Whatever it is, you need to make it clear in your mind.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

That's a great thought. I also always tell myself that I should be machmir on still using tools to help better than being meikel on maybe falling. Why take a chance? 

How's it going?

We haven't heard from you since you changed your approach. Kinda miss the rambles.
Hope I makes sense even though you told us not to expect an update 

starting wrote on 19 Nov 2020 06:58:

Hey! Sorry for the late response. I haven't been on GYE in a few months, so I'm only seeing this now. As you mentioned, my "new approach" was to try not and think about this struggle too much or keep track of clean days. Therefore, naturally, I didn't go on GYE, even though I missed the awesome people here However, I logged on now to give a quick ramble which I hope you will like. First, a brief intro: 

BH, the new approach is working! I've been clean for somewhere close to 90 days probably, not really sure the exact amount of days and I don't want to try and figure it out. It wouldn't be good for my ego or any other part of me I'm only mentioning that I'm clean to give y'all some objective details about how I'm doing.

Ok, now let's get to what I actually want to talk about. I want to talk about ADHD and its role in this struggle for me. 

I've mentioned multiple times on this thread that I have ADHD, and that I take medication for it and see a therapist. However, I don't remember if I ever explicitly talked about the connection between ADHD and this struggle. I'll try and do that now.

The key symptoms of ADHD in adults are distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. With regards to this struggle, distractability and impulsivity are the most relevant to speak about. 

Distractability features in this struggle in a couple of ways. Firstly, pornography and masturbation, being an intense experience, can allow someone who is distracted (whose mind is in a million places) to finally feel focused. When I'm masturbating or looking at porn I'm completely there, my mind is not distracted. This can be a great relief for the ADHD dude and therefore these activities can be very tempting. Secondly, if a thought or urge comes up, it can completely derail and distract the ADHD dude, so that the urge is all he can think about and he can't focus on what he actually needs to do. 

The second way ADHD features in this struggle is via the symptom of impulsivity. People with ADHD have impaired executive function. They are more prone to doing things without thinking through all the consequences. Therefore, with regards to masturbating or looking at porn, even though the consequences may be negative, the ADHD dude finds it hard not to make the impulsive decision and say screw the consequences. 

In closing, ADHD affects a lot of areas of my life, but here I have only mentioned how my ADHD interacts with this struggle. Maybe another time I could talk about those other areas of life. I wrote about this here so that if someone suspects they may have ADHD they will be encouraged to get evaluated for ADHD by a professional (you can use this article as a starting point for self-evalution www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/syc-20350878). 

I'm still just beginning to learn about living with ADHD and even with treatment it's still a challenge, but I am doing way better than before. Education about ADHD, therapy, and medication have all been integral parts of managing my symptoms. 

For years, I looked for a framework to view my struggle with regards to porn and masturbation. No framework aside from ADHD has ever fully explained my personal struggle in this area. So I wanted to raise some awareness about this in case it might help someone. As I mentioned before, this struggle is only ONE way ADHD impacts my life. I'm not AT ALL suggesting that everyone who struggles with this does so as a result of having ADHD. That would obviously be ridiculous. I'm just saying if you think you may have ADHD, it might be worth getting evaluated. I got diagnosed relatively late in life (20s) because I didn't actually have to pass any tests in Yeshiva (from high-school age and on) so the problem was a bit masked Anyway, I hope this was clear enough. I know it isn't perfect, but it's what I could do right now. Feel free to reply with any questions or PM me if you'd prefer. 

Good night y'all, and be well!

Thanks for sharing! We were really worried about you. Thank G-d you are doing well.

Day 1: Hey all, it's been a while since I've posted.  BH I've had some very long streaks, but I've been falling recently.  I realized I need the focus of posting everyday to get me back on track. 

So here I am.  I'm struggling with the feeling that it isn't worth all the effort that is required to stay clean.  BH I've stayed clean for very long streaks, (more than a year etc.) but the struggle continues.  The only thing that seems to take away the feeling of "needing" these behaviors for me is having someone that I love in a romantic way.  I'm shomer negia etc., I just mean having that type of relationship.  Anyways, just some random thoughts.  Till tomorrow!

Nice to see you back!!

Day 2: OK day so far BH.  I've been trying to shift my perspective to looking at staying clean (controlling desires more generally) as a positive thing worthy to put effort into and worthy of reward, rather than a huge annoying burden and where failing is something worthy of punishment. 

Trying to read a chapter from the Battle of the Generation every day so I can finish the book.  One thing I've learned is that if you aren't learning new things in any given area, it's hard to grow much. 

Anyways, wishing y'all a great shabbos!

Gut voch!

Unfortunately, had a fall today.  It's not typical for me to fall on shabbos, but the day was really long and I was getting pretty bored and tense.  I couldn't really focus on reading because I didn't take my medication for ADHD.  I didn't want to take it because I hate feeling like I need it to focus and not be so impulsive.  Anyways, onwards I suppose.  Take care of yourselves! 

Day 1: It's been a minute since I posted on this thread.  Hope y'all are doing well.  I've had my ups and downs since.  Trying to remember that making these tough choices is worth it and is a great thing to do.  If I think the choice to fall is significant, it appears that choosing to do the right thing is significant as well.  If I think a day where I fell makes that day somewhat lacking, even one day of choosing the right thing must be fuller in some way.  If I feel bad when I choose the easy route, I must allow myself to feel good when choosing the harder road.  It's so easy to say it doesn't matter, that it doesn't make me such a good person.  Well, if that's the case, why don't I fall?  Hope that made some sense.  Maybe I'll post daily for a bit.  Good night y'all.  Wishing everyone a lot of menuchas hanefesh and strength.

Day 2:  Had a slip last night.  Fooling around on YouTube a bit.  First thought - I may as well look at porn or masturbate.  After all, I already screwed up.  Also, it's going to be so hard not to masturbate after being turned on.  Second thought - Yes, I slipped, but it's still the right choice to not give in and exert control over myself to some degree. 

I hope the rest of this day goes OK for everyone.  Till next time...

Day 3: Good day BH. I was out of the house at school most of the day and around people which is always good for me. Getting back to my quiet apartment is pretty depressing though. Anyways, BH no slips today, so it seems like not giving up was the right move. 

On a different note, even though sometimes I feel so grumpy from not falling, and I sometimes think it will just be easier to give in and then I can be more productive, somehow things went well these past few days. I had a lot on my plate and was stressed about school and other things, but BH, seems like there was some bracha from Hashem and things are working out. I know that isn't a super clear thought, but hopefully some of that made sense. 

Good night, talk to y'all later! 

Day 4: BH, it was a good day today.  At school again, interacting with people, always good. Sometimes I feel as though having positive interactions with people can simultaneously reinstate my faith in humanity and validate the value each of us bring to the world, myself included. Making someone laugh, it's always nice when that happens. Even managed to get a bit more positive about my lonely apartment. Opened the windows for some fresh air, and to get in the sound from the city to remind myself I'm not so alone. Played some guitar as well. Getting on track again with schoolwork BH (fell behind over yom tov). Ok, that's all I got for today. Good night, be well!

Day 5: OK day, BH.  Got a bit stressed and overwhelmed though.  Really tired.  Woke up really early.  I like waking up early to have time in the morning, but then super tired later and can't really get anything done later in the day.  Anyways, hopefully I'll get some decent sleep tonight.  Trying not to get too stressed about any given day.  Layla tov, be well!