Day 100: Pretty crazy day. Just a lot of work. I was feeling pretty lonely and alone today. Suddenly I start getting calls and texts from people. Anyways Hashem is kind I guess. It's funny, when I focus on the things that are difficult in life, I conclude that Hashem isn't being kind to me. But in truth, how many more things are there that are going well and are good? Probably a lot. Trying to notice those things by writing down a few things I'm grateful for every day. I use an app. Got a five day streak going with that. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with things. School. Shidduchim. Gotta do my hishtadlus, my best effort and leave the rest up to Him. Ok, nuff ramblin for one day. Have an awesome night people!

Day 101: It's funny, posting on GYE is sort of like shidduchim. What makes someone appreciate and enjoy a post is exactly what someone else doesn't like about it. I guess that's life. We are all different parts of a puzzle and fit with different people and places. Speaking of shidduchim,I had the good fortune to speak with someone with expert knowledge on the subject who helped me alot. Sometimes getting some help from an expert can be a wise move. Anyways it's pretty darn late and I don't need an expert to tell me that I should get to bed already Have an awesome night y'all!

Day 102-104: Nice shabbos BH. I have a couple topics I want to discuss, but I'm trying to adhere to a bedtime, so I'll try and get to to them tomorrow. The two topics are (writing so I'll remember) a tip for staying focused and why things can get harder after 90 days. Ok, wishing everyone a great week! Good night! 

Day 105: Yay! Halfway to my new goal of 120 days (counting from 90, my math ain't THAT bad folks). OK, as promised, I'll discuss the two topics I mentioned yesterday

1) I realized part of what makes it hard to focus sometimes is that I'm not really committed to doing whatever I'm doing. Meaning I didn't really make a decision that this is what I want to do now. So since I'm not that committed, I'm thinking about ten other things I need to do. So say I get a thought about something and decide to google the topic and start reading an article. I'll just end up skimming etc. Ok, I wish I could explain this better, but I'm exhausted. Basically the issue is the pizur hanefesh that yechida posted about yesterday I think. 

2) It gets harder after 90, because you make the switch from abstinence to celibacy so to speak. It goes from being a goal to hit x amount of days to just a lifestyle, which happens to be a pretty tough one This is especially true for those who BH have been past 90 before.

Been crying a lot recently. Trying to speak to Hashem usually ends up with me crying I guess. I guess I struggle with asking Hashem for things. I can't help but think that suffering is an inescapable part of life, so am I even being realistic by asking him to take the pain away. But I ask anyways and end up crying. 

Even crying is a chesed from Hashem it seems. The very act of crying lifts the pain somewhat. Pretty crazy. 

Ok, I'm sort of exhausted so it's off to bed for me. Have a great night everyone!

Nice posts!

Crying maybe reflects some emotional stirrings that can be expressed either with tears or getting pulled to lust.
If this is the case, the question would be how to find calm

Hatzlacha and KOT!

Day 106: Thank G-d better day than yesterday. Pretty stressful though. Gotta learn to just breathe I think. Miss having easy access to exercise machines to do exercise. Suppose that's most an excuse, I can still find a way. There are always sidewalks. OK, time to catch some shut eye. I noticed that I sort of like staying up late. I don't think I'm wired to go to sleep early. Ok, nuff ramblin. Good night!

Day 107: Feeling pretty lonely today. I missed minyan unfortunately this morning, but I did go for mincha and maariv. I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night, but I'm ready for bed now, so BezH I'll sleep well tonight. BH, there was still a lot of good in the day today and I mentioned some of those things in my gratitude journal. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Have a good night y'all!  

Edit: Read picamoniker's thread which made me sad. 

108: Good day today BH. I think a big part of why was that I got some decent sleep. On that note, have a good night everyone! Talk to ya later KOT!

109-111: Getting close to striking distance of my new goal of 120 days! Woot! If I have urges at night I put on some music and get ready for bed. Just the simple actions of brushing teeth combined with the music gets me out of my funk. And then instead of sitting around, I'm ready for bed. Ok, don't like writing about urges so I'm gonna stop here lol. Just wanted to share in case it might be helpful to others. Basically, I'm sacrificing for the team Anyways, good night y'all and have a great week! 

Day 112: Struggling this past night/morning. I think the amount of alcohol consumed on shabbos is playing a role. It was all in good spirits and for good reasons and BH I don't have an alcohol issue, but I think it increased the struggle in this area. So definitely need to stick to my usual consumption and not repeat this past shabbos. It just seems that physically it has a weakening effect on my body/brain that makes it harder to fight, so I've been dealing with some pretty tough urges. But, I think the important thing for me to remember is that it's OK. Urges are just urges. They ain't such horrible things. I'm gonna be OK. Just gotta KOT, one day at a time. Ok, that's all I got for now. I'll check it in the evening iyh. Sorry for the total ramble.

Edit: I think it's so important for me to stay positive even when I'm dealing wth tough urges. Part of the YH's tactic is to get you down about struggles and then convince you that the way to feel better is by lusting or acting out.

Day 112a: It was a good day today BH. I was too lazy to go to Minyan, so I davened at home. I rationalized it to myself by saying "it's a weekend!" Otherwise though, it was a decent day BH. I have a big day tomorrow, so I'm going to try and get some shuteye tonight. Alright, have an awesome night y'all!

Day 113: Good day today BH. I also made it to minyan this morning which was nice. It seems that going to minyan has a positive effect on my day. Ironically, that observation leads me to pressure myself more to go to minyan, which isn't helpful lol. Anyways, time to get some shuteye. Have a good night!

Thanks for your daily logs.  Keep it up. 

Day 114: I went to minyan today again, and I'm happy I did. However, I was quite tired throughout the day. Unfortunately, I'm not particularly good at sleeping a normal amount of hours. It was a pretty busy and tough day today. I have an enormous amount of school work and it is quite overwhelming. This is in addition life's other duties and facets. I'm trying to take it day by day and simply do the best that I can. I'm pretty exhausted, so I'm going to cut this ramble short, and hopefully get to sleeping really soon. Have a great night everyone!

Days 115-116: School is still tough. Tommorow is still a new day. I can still make changes and adjusts. There still is time to get some sleep if I move quickly. Good night!