OK last official post on this thread. I'll try and list things which have helped me in past journeys to 90 days, as well as what I focused on this time around. 

1) Mindfulness meditation. This has been pretty key for me. Definitely seems to help me. I use the app Headspace. 

2) Therapy. This is huge for me. Being able to be completely honest and get professional feedback from an objective person has been really helpful. Definitely one of the key things that keeps me (somewhat ) sane. 

3) Support from friends and family. Being open with my family and friends about how I'm doing and leaning on them for support when I'm not doing well, has been really key. This didn't even involve talking about this struggle (although some of my friends and family know of it). It was about being open about the things and stressors which make me vulnerable in this sugya.

(Aside: I use the vague word sugya deliberately. I used to be a big believer in speaking very openly, and perhaps for a while that was indeed necessary for me. In more recent history, I see that it's important for me, to think as little as possible about the topic, even when I'm writing about the topic itself.) 

4) Medication for ADHD. It helps me with impulsivity and slows down the sometimes raging rivers of thought in my mind. 

5) Exercise in some form. Best is when I was set up so that I could do a half hour of cardio everyday (fast-walking). But anything helps. So even making sure to hit a minimum step count. Exercise helps in two ways. One, working up a sweat with cardio really releases a lot of feel good chemicals. Two, all exercise can potentially make me feel a bit better about myself because I'm taking care of my body. 

6) Journaling. Being able to get my thoughts out helps a lot. Not as good as therapy, but tides me over until the next session. Including a gratefulness entry from time to time helps too. 

7) Music/Comedy. Being able just relax and listen to something for a bit, helps me rest and get out of the constant grind. 

8) A beer or scotch can potentially be helpful in the right scenario. But, it's a dangerous tool. Like a gun, it's powerful and could be a force for good, but you gotta be careful. So not necessarily recommending this one. YMMV.

9) Melatonin. Helps me fall asleep. I try to get at least 6 hours. Not a lot, I know, but I'm a pretty bad sleeper, so it acts as a good minimum for me. 

10) Minyan. Something about starting the day right around other people gives me a boost. However, I can get stressed sometimes and feel like I want to stay home for one day and not be around people right away in the morning. 

Things that mostly unique to this 90 day Journey

11) Listening/watching the GYE whatsapp daily boost. When I missed a day or two, I caught up with the old ones too. Great for staying focused and keeping a good perspective. 

12) Posting almost everyday on this thread. Kept me focused, allowed me to get feedback, and kept me aware of my mental state. Also kept me involved in this awesome community of like minded humans.

The above is all I can think of right now. Feel free to post any questions/comments about these different tools. As I mentioned before, I'm not going anywhere IYH, but I won't be posting on this thread much going forward. I want to keep it as a short story of this particular 90 day journey. Maybe I'll start a thread with a different theme though.

Thanks again all for supporting me throughout. Whether through posting here, elsewhere, or simply reading, or dropping a thank you. Couldn't have done it without you all. That is for sure. Wishing everyone the absolute best. KOT!

Amazing stuff. Those were very helpful points shared!

Just one comment, people are gonna read your next thread and lose sight of this one. Why not stay on the straight path as this one is.

Keep up the great work!!

Those are superb points! You are really fortunate that were able to accomplish all those steps, and no doubt   you are a better person for it! 

Days 91-92: Due to me being too lazy to start another thread, I'm going to keep posting here Bezh. I think I'll still count the days for a while. My next goal for now is 120 days. The goal isn't really the number as much as it is this: Can I stay focused on growing during this time, not just focused on not doing something? Can my focus in growing in this area continue to help my growth in my broader life generally? Honestly, not really sure if It's clear what I'm trying to say. Don't really have the right words.

I'll blame my incoherence on my exhaustion I guess. Speaking of which... Time for bed. Have an awesome night people!

Day 93: Got an app to mark off days now that I've finished marking up the 90 day calendar from GYE. It helps me to think in terms of weeks and marking days off seems to help me. Ok, got alot going on tommorow so definitely need some sleep. Gosh, I am very bad at sleep. Have a great night! 

Day 94: Had a good day BH. After I wrote the previous sentence I started questioning the statement, because my day wasn't exactly all strawberries and whipped cream. I guess I mean that there was a lot of brachos in the day, in my life. So ye, trying to be positive I guess It's amazing how as I get older, experience different things, I really can gain new perspectives on things. Truer perspectives. Or perhaps just a perspective that I never realized or knew. These new perspectives (which came about as a result of experiences Hashem led me to) even can effect the way I feel about things. Like when I come to truly believe something different, not from reading the idea in a book, but experiencing something, it changes the way I feel about something obviously. 

BTW, not talking about this sugya at all. I would like to give an example, but not sure if I can do that without compromising my privacy too much. Also, I don't have the exact words to explain how my perspective shifted along with my feelings. Ok, if you were able to follow that vagueness and it made even the remotest sense to you, then you probably are pretty awesome and should get a job reading confusing prose. 

Time for bed for me. I wish I got 8 hours of sleep a night. It doesn't seem like I actually know how to do that though. Only time I actually can do that is shabbos. Thank God for shabbos. Ok, nuff said. Have a great night!

Day 95: Tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. They don't tell you how hard shidduchim can be. You live and you learn. Sometimes I wonder, do I really have the strength to meet the challenges that Hashem gives me? I feel like I don't have strength for so many things in my life. I guess the answer is that I do have the strength I need, just maybe not for the things I think I need to do. If that makes no sense at all that is because I am beyond exhausted. I pray that I sleep well tonight. Talk about putting pressure on sleeping. Anyways, have a great night!

Days 96 & 97: Just checking in here. Googled something innocuous and without bad intentions but something came up and I took a look. Luckily caught myself quickly. I had a pretty strong reaction though. Objectively speaking it wasn't even a very sexual image, but as some of the longer streakers know, if you've been a while without looking, you can have an especially strong reaction, even to "minor" triggers. Especially when you let yourself look and are "lusting". Anyways, BH, didn't go further than that. But it definitely was like wow, OK, haven't had one of those moments in a while. Honestly, it's very tempting in those moments to take that strong reaction I'm feeling and let myself try and pretend I'm getting swept away. It's tempting to start thinking about the reaction and saying, wow, see how powerful this is, there is no way this is going away, no way you can fight this feeling etc. But it's actually BS. It's just that if I keep holding on to the experience, keep dwelling on it etc, then ya, I may make it impossible for myself to resist. But if instead, I don't pretend to "Fight" the thought, which is actually a really clever way for me to actually give in, I just let it go, I'm OK, BH.

I think sometimes in the past my ego got in the way of me letting go after a slip or if I was exposed to something triggering. I thought, oh look what I did, I'm not perfect etc. To somehow try and fix the fact that I screwed up I would try and fight what had happened reject it, etc. Really that was a recipe for failing.

Anyways, not sure what I'm saying really. Just rambling if I'm honest. But, BH, I haven't even had a tough moment such as tonight. I sort of hesitate to even call it a tough moment, cause it's triggering. But whatever. Basically Hashem has been making it sort of easy for me maybe. So I guess I am grateful that up until now it's been relatively smooth with triggers even if life itself was difficult. It's funny, winning the battle here is like winning an argument. Only way to do that is by not actually arguing  

I wonder if me not having my medication today played a role in making me more vulnerable. Hmm... not sure. Just a thought. 

Ok, sorry for the lengthy analysis, have an awesome week and keep on trucking! Gut voch and Shavua tov!

Keep us posted! You are giving a lot of chizuk! 

Day 98: Good day today BH. Took my medication today. Not gonna screw around with taking the day off again. The positive spin is that taking a day off reminded me how it is helping me. Anyways, didn't watch the boost yet today. Will catch up tomorrow iyh. Big day tommorow, so time for bed Have an awesome night y'all! 

Ihavestrength wrote on 08 Jul 2020 03:46:

Keep it up, looking to see success from you!!! 

Meyer M. wrote on 10 Aug 2020 05:30:

And here I was thinking I already had success Hehe, JK, thnx!

Day 99: Good day today BH.  I have a question relating to shidduchim that is troubling me.  I think I will ask a Rav/Mashpia.  I want to know what daas Torah says the correct thing to do is.  There is one difficulty with asking the question though.  Few people have the time to listen to a long story. The question is about this long story.  So, I'm going to need to give an abbreviated version of the story.  Therefore, it's going to be hard to trust that the answer is given knowing the full situation which would weaken my confidence that the answer is the correct approach.  I suppose the solution is to write a abbreviated but good summary including all the important details.  Ok, sorry for that weird and random post.  Have a great night!

Ihavestrength wrote on 11 Aug 2020 02:30:

Give the full story to your rav, don’t break it down, they generally will listen. Unless you’re talking about a really long version (I would say over an hour?) Just make sure they are free at the moment.

Ihavestrength wrote on 11 Aug 2020 02:30:

You bring up a good point that many people don't deal with properly.

I heard from Rav Yitzckok Berkovitz that the most important things to look for in a Rav is 1. a Rav who you respect him and his views and 2. someone who can give you enough time to truly understand you and your needs.

Not sure if this helps you but the point is that it's very important to give yourself enough time to explain all relevant details.