I was listening to a shmuz in which one point was ,That it’s not healthy to be very focused on fighting with lust all day , rather get involved with sports hobbies learning whatever , AND to have good relationships with parents and siblings ..

Day 66 & 67: I do not like fast days much. Went to work in the morning and left early because I was getting tired. I watched part of a movie then fell asleep. Then I had therapy.

I really wish I went to minyan everyday and actually did some substantial (Torah) learning each day. However, I never can keep a schedule of going to minyan every morning or learning each day. I guess I can blame it on ADHD if I'm looking for a culprit, but I'm not looking to blame it on anything, I want to change! I suppose the question is this: If I really wanted to do it, wouldn't I just do it? I guess that is too much of a simplistic view of things though. 

On a positive note: In the past, when I was working, I used to do a very shortened version of davening because I felt incapable of davening the full thing. Especially because I was always late to work etc. Nowadays, while still having the same work obligations, even if I don't daven with a minyan, I still will daven the full davening 97 percent of the time, so that's cool. 

Anyways, enough rambling for one evening I guess. Have a great night everyone! KOT!

68-70: Been going to minyan these past few days and making sure to learn something after which is cool. Beezrat Hashem I'll keep it up this week. Not much else that I can think of to say right now. Just trying to keep on truckin through the waves and highways of life. Definitely no shortage of things to challenge us to grow. Anyways, getting tired, so I wish y'all a very good night! 

Day 71: Yay! Minyan and learning success today BH. It's good to remind myself how good it feels, to help encourage further action. With shabbos that's a 4 day morning minyan streak. Is there a 90 day chart for that?  

It's really crazy how much easier it is to do things when they are part of a schedule vs. done at random times and you just need to get it done sometime during the day. Like learning at a set time each day is way easier than just deciding that you are going to do it everyday. 

As it turns out, schedules can be sort of cool and not actually limiting! May I dare say liberating? Ok, chill out there Ihavestrength, calm down now.

Time to go to bed so I can actually keep my new schedule  

Ok y'all, have an awesome night!

Day 72: Minyan and learning success today thank G-d. Hung out with friend till a bit too late , so hopefully won't be too tired tomorrow when I get up for minyan bzh. Trucking one day at a day with Hashem's help. Ok, good night!

Edit: Forgetting to listen to daily boosts. Will d catch up tomorrow bzh. 

I can't tell you how much I relate to this. It is so true. This is why i love th saying of chazal "oy li miyotzri oy li miyitzri" woe is to me from my creator and woe is to me from the yetzerr hara. It is so true. Sometimes I feel like my life is gonna suck either way - if I JO I feel guilty and full of shame and self-loathing etc, if I dont, I can't cconcentrate on anything, I can't be myself I feel physical pain etc. Thats why chazal are being so honest here - yes, it is gonna be hard either way. But one path leads to eternal and ultimate bliss and one is gonna destroy you forever. That's the choice.

I want you to know that I just read through every single one of your posts in this 90 day streak. I am on day six and struggling. Your posts saved me. You may think you are doing a small thing, just posting boring stuff like you sometimes say. I am telling you that you are incredible and I wish we didn't have to hide behind these stupid anonymous names so I could come and hug you. Your sincerity, sense of humor, and strength are awesomely inspiring. Sometimes you don't feel loveable? Join the club. Any girl would be blessed to have someone like you in her life. Just reading your posts, I love you already. May Hashem give you amazing strenght and keep up the awesome work. Thanks again. 

Ihave, your posts are incredible and are a big chizuk for all of us. Please keep posting (even if it sometimes gets a bit lonely here.....)

Ya keep it up major chizuk to a lot of people even if they don’t respond

I agree with everyone, your thoughts are great not just “rambling” ,especially in light of the world being filled with so much sheker  your candid honesty is refreshing. 

TRAPPED wrote on 15 Jul 2020 12:24:

Wow, thank you for the kind words! I got this post in my email this morning and it made my day So happy that reading the thread was helpful to you. KUTGW!

Day 73: Thank you everyone for the encouraging words! I appreciate it very much. Minyan and learning success this morning. Although, I am getting to the minyan late. I'm not going to post an update on my minyan "streak" everyday. Hopefully at this point it'll just be part of my day. Was pretty neat that I managed to get up and go this morning even though I barely slept. Not advocating not sleeping of course. Super important. Just interesting that when you got enough will, well as they say, there is a way! Why do I want to go to minyan so much? Well, maybe I'll talk about my motivation another day. Can't give out all my secrets can I  

Caught up on the daily boosts which are pretty awesome. Ok, it's been real, gonna try and get some shut eye Bezh. Have a great night!

Days 74-76: Had an OK shabbos BH. I haven't been feeling too grateful recently. Certain things haven't been going my way in life recently and I guess I sort of feel resentful because of it. The reality is though that I BH have so many blessings to be grateful and thankful for. Starting today I'm going to shift my focus towards what I have, not what I don't. So, I'll list three things I'm grateful for: 

1. Wonderful extended family. 
2. Being able to go to the "country" for shabbos. 
3. Being healthy. 

Ok, I think that's a wrap for tonight. Ok, last thing. What people think. Sometimes I worry about that more than I'd like. For example: I played something on guitar and sang a bit. What did people think, I wonder. Was it OK? Good? Great? Bad? Then I'll even think, well that definitely was not my best playing or singing, so it's a pity they didn't see that, cause then they would have a better impression lol. Anyways, luckily, I can laugh at myself and remind myself that this is a cute thing to think about, but ultimately is completely inconsequential. Oh, getting old. What a thing. Ok, -end ramble

Have a great week everyone!

Day 77: Ok day BH. Nothing crazy good, but alright I guess. Gonna list a few things I'm grateful for today. I may not continue this on the forum, cause it can get a little to revealing if I state all the things I'm grateful for, but anyways, here goes for today: 

1. Nice place to live. 
2. AC. 
3. Good guitar. 
4. Being able to access Torah (my daily things I learn) on my phone (super convenient).
5. My siblings and their children. 

Edit: Have a great night y'all!

Day 78 & 79: Oysh it's late. Hey hey, what can you do. Sometimes late nights happen. Gotta keep life exciting in some way I guess. If the challenge of getting by with less sleep is the way, then I guess it works lol. Nothing too crazy to report.

Just a random thought: A couple days ago I posted about my guitar playing and me thinking it wasn't all that good etc. Anyways, I ended up hearing that the person who was mainly there for my playing was impressed. So turns out I don't know everything. It was a good reminder to just be myself and try not to worry too much about what other people might be thinking. I just gotta act the best way I can and leave rest up to G-d. Ok, now that I've dazzled your noggin with this gold nugget of a story, I'm going to get some sleep Bzh. Have an awesome night!