Day 56: Ok day, BH. Ended better than it started. Looking forward to go to work tomorrow. It's good for me to get out of the house. Going to go to minyan BeH as well. 

Keep rocking every and have a great night!

Day 57: Ok day, BH. Therapy day (once a week). I mention this as a plug for therapy. Been doing it for about a year and a half and truly has been one of the most helpful things I've done to improve my life. Wow, dramatic, eh?

Towards the end of the day, once I'm not distracted by work etc.,  my mind goes to the topic I'm currently stressing about and am having great difficulty forgetting about and moving on from (sorry for being vague, but basically talking about something that was a big disappointment). It's almost like a habit at this point. I forget about it mostly during the day, stress about it at night, then calm myself down enough to go to sleep and then repeat the next day lol. Ok, going to head to bed. Hopefully Hashem will grant me a restful sleep so I can get up early for minyan tommorow like I did today.

Have a great night y'all!

Day 58: Not sure what to say today really. Confused about some things. Hey, who isn't lol. Some things? At least that means I get most other things (as if!). Anyways, chatted with some dudes on GYE using the updated chat feature, so shout out to GYE for that improvment. You guys are killing it, KUTGW!



Ok, also random shout out to the daily boost on WhatsApp. If you aren't signed up yet, not sure why you are deciding to miss out on that amazingness. Ok, nuff ramblin. Time to head to that funny invention we call a bed.



Have a great night everyone! Peace out!

Day 59: Ok day today BH. Dealing with some home maintenance issues. Not super fun or comfortable, but hey, it ain't too bad I guess. I just hope breathing near where there was a sewage leak isn't dangerous. I guess I can Google it. Ok, definitely not going to Google it lol, I actually want to sleep tonight. Got nothing really deeply insightful to say at the moment unfortunately, so I would just like to wish you all a very good night! Stay positive and happy! 

Day 60: Yay! That's a nice looking number  

Doing OK, BH. Having a hard time getting over some unrequited love. Nu nu, this too shall pass. 

One thing that I'm grateful for is that I've gotten so much closer to my parents over these past few years. It's especially helpful when I'm feeling lonely to just be able to call my parents whenever speak. I don't have any friends that I would feel comfortable calling everyday, so I feel like I'm lucky to have this relationship where if i feel like I need to speak, I know that someone would be happy to talk with me. 

Ok, not sure if that is useful to anyone, but hey, what can a man do but try. Alright, have a great night everyone!

congratulations!

I also found that developing relationships, especially with my parents, can be very helpful.

Hatzlachah!

Day 61: Dealing with some tough emotions nowadays. Life is quite good at dealing out disappointment. I'm not bitter about it, but it does seem to be a truth. What is also clear is that these tough moments seem to be necessary in order for me to grow. 

I guess bitachon in Hashem means living each day and doing my best. Leave the outcomes and results to him. Ain't my department. 

Ok, probably rambling at this point. Wishing everyone a good and peaceful shabbos! 

Day 62: I'm not feeling too confident ATM. I sometimes get into this mode where I just don't feel lovable unfortunately. 

Listening to a book rn. It's proving to be insightful, but I just wish I had listened to it before because I could have used it's lessons perhaps. I guess this goes back to the bitachon thing. Do my best today and leave the results to Hashem who apparently loves us alot and isn't try to screw us generally. Ok, falling asleep here, so going to wish y'all a good night!

Hey @ihavestrength,
It sounds like you sometimes experience some negative thoughts, whether about your own performance in this fight or about how Hashem views you. In my experience, overcoming this makes it much easier to have sustained success.

Can you relate to any of the following? (This is a clip of ideas from The Battle of the Generation, a book that deals with this and also has many great strategies and shifts in perspective that help us fight this battle much better and easier. It can be downloaded here: guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.)

    “I am a failure. The sin I just did makes me worthless. I am off the derech, exactly like those who have rejected everything. I am just as bad. I am a sinner.
    “I should have controlled myself. I could have done better. If I had just pushed myself harder, I would have won the battle. It would have been so simple for me to control myself had I tried harder, but I blew it again! I should have much more control over myself.
    “I am so ashamed. I’m embarrassed to even go near anybody. Anyone who would know what I did would look down on me. Nobody would empathize with me about my struggles, not that there is much to empathize with anyway. Everybody does much better than me. I am probably the only person who does these things. No one else sins in this area, and I give in left and right. I am messed up.
    “All the good I ever did is meaningless because I did this huge sin. I am horrible. How hard I fought and my effort to change myself is irrelevant; my sin is all that matters.
“Even though I labored and managed to control myself for the past two days, two weeks, or two months, that is worthless. I am the same out of control person I always was. All my effort was a waste; I’m just as horrible as I was before.
“Besides, any good I did doesn’t count because I was obligated to do it anyway. All that matters is falling short — which I just did when I violated my obligations.
    “I bet Hashem is furious with me. He hates me and has rejected me. It is hopeless! He will always look down on me. Even if I do teshuva, Hashem won’t accept it. It’s impossible to undo something this severe. I did it; how can I get rid of it?
    “Further, what happened is all my fault. I brought everything upon myself when I befriended those people and experimented with these sins. Had I controlled myself then, things would be so easy. If I didn’t watch those movies and hang out with those friends, I would still be pure. I activated my desires. 
    “And now that I have awakened my temptations, it is too late. I can’t stop myself. I am incapable, as I just proved. I do these things. I am an addict and I will never regain control, no matter what I do. I can’t even improve the situation. I’m doomed.”

@Captain Thanks for the book clipping. My negative thoughts aren't currently a direct result of this struggle, but more from some difficult things I'm going through in another area of life. However, I enjoyed reading the clipping and it did make me want to read the book! It is on my reading list. I don't really enjoy reading on the computer, so I may need to buy the hardcopy version. I see that you are plugging the book a lot on the forum It's awesome that you are sharing what is working for you. Thanks again for the post and KOT!

Thank you. Yes this book is great and I want to let others know about it. That clip is from Appendix A, by the way.
hatzlocha

Day 63: Ok day today, BH. Some shopping. Some reading. Some working on an assignment for school. Some talking to family on the phone. Some walking. Some guitar playing. Some davening. Some meditation. Some thinking. Some worrying. Some journaling. 

Good night!

Ihavestrength wrote on 06 Jul 2020 04:14:

Wow, this sounds significantly better then much of the past little while...

Not really sure what you are going through exactly but I also have negative thoughts a lot, especially about myself and my shortcomings. Until I really started learning how to overcome this issue, I really suffered a lot.

I am not trying to give a lecture here, just offering to help. If you are interested, I can recommend some things that I found very helpful. You can PM me if you want.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Day 64: Tough day. Oh well. There's always tomorrow. Hashem, please give me the strength to live my life, the one that you have given to me. 

Have a good night!

Day 65: Thank you Hashem for my father! In a relatively short span of time our relationship has become so strong and open. It's pretty awesome and is a huge chessed. He's aware of my history and work in this area, but I'm not actually referring to this area when I mention that I'm able to speak so openly with him. I'm in the "parsha" and am going through some things that are difficult for me. To be able to speak, without worrying that I'll be judged or looked down at is a bracha. Ok, I think I've said my point in seven different ways already. Time for bed. Have a great night everybody!