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A new beginning
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: A new beginning 4090 Views

Re: A new beginning 27 Apr 2020 16:41 #348832

  • vetaher1
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staying connected with others just like you're doing is the primary tool to help get rid of your struggles and come clean for the long run,  here they call it social un-distancing.

hatzlocha - you're doing great
Unstoppable: finding strength in the midst of setbacks
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Re: A new beginning 28 Apr 2020 12:21 #348865

  • TheFighter99
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survived day 8-barely. Had some emotional triggers yesterday. I'm out of work due to coronavirus lockdown and that stresses the heck out of me. I only hung on because of all of your support, but am still feeling triggered. In the past you could have bet good money that a relapse is on its way today, but I'm trying to reverse that trend. If I can get through today totally clean without going towards the edge that'll be a huge victory. Will check in tomorrow
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous

Re: A new beginning 28 Apr 2020 15:21 #348873

TheFighter99 wrote on 28 Apr 2020 12:21:
survived day 8-barely. Had some emotional triggers yesterday. I'm out of work due to coronavirus lockdown and that stresses the heck out of me. I only hung on because of all of your support, but am still feeling triggered. In the past you could have bet good money that a relapse is on its way today, but I'm trying to reverse that trend. If I can get through today totally clean without going towards the edge that'll be a huge victory. Will check in tomorrow

You can do it! Even if you fail, we'll be here cheering for you so that next time you will be successful!

Re: A new beginning 28 Apr 2020 17:58 #348880

  • wilnevergiveup
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We are all rooting for you!

I like to say falling isn't failing, giving up is.

Hatzlacha!
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: A new beginning 29 Apr 2020 11:35 #348923

  • TheFighter99
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day 9 was much better thank God, got back on track. On to day #10.
Have a great day everyone
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous

Re: A new beginning 29 Apr 2020 16:37 #348941

This thread is amazing! Really getting a lot of chizzuk seeing all of the posts here

Re: A new beginning 30 Apr 2020 11:38 #348983

  • TheFighter99
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I passed day 10, but would give myself a grade of C-, not as bad as day 8, but not a good follow up to day 9, which was awesome. On to day #11.

The yetzer hara is either a brilliant salesman, or I'm just super gullible. The way relapses happen over 90% of the time is that the yetzer hara says (using alcoholic analogies) "You had a stressful day, so just have a can of beer, and that's it. Just to take the edge off. Its not like you are gonna get drunk from one can of beer." If I take him up on his offer, Rarely does it stop at one beer. The problem is that I keep falling for this. Even when I do stop at one beer (like days 8 and 10) and don't have a relapse, flirting with danger is a bad strategy If I want to have the sobriety I'm looking for. Can anyone else relate to this? 

In the past I've instituted negative consequences if I relapse (porn or masturbation), but I think that I need to place the negative consequence warning sign upstream, before looking at immodest pictures on social media, and the like, which usually leads me to porn and masturbation. Put the negative consequence before the beer can, not the bottle of scotch. My hope is that with the warning sign and consequence earlier in the process, I can prevent myself from "getting flushed down the toilet." Oh yeah, I almost forgot, my negative consequence is a week of 7 cold showers, one a day, and no sugar, creamer or other sweeteners in my coffee during the week. I'm really into my coffee so that's not trivial by me. Hopefully this will get me back on track. 
Have a great day everyone, will be in touch tomorrow :-) 
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous

Re: A new beginning 30 Apr 2020 12:47 #348986

  • wilnevergiveup
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If your Y"H is anything like mine then he is an expert salesman...
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: A new beginning 30 Apr 2020 14:07 #348994

  • anonyjew
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I am in a very​ similar situation to you. One thing that has been very helpful for me is that once I feel an urge from whatever trigger I turn on a timer on my phone for 20 minutes and I refuse to act out without waiting for the timer. In this way I don't have to have a fight with the yetzer harah of never. Instead I tell him not now and supposedly after 20 minutes the urge will have passed anyways. After 20 minutes I consider it a fresh start so if an urge arises again after the timer I set a new timer because this is a new urge. The more I've been doing this the easier it has become to deny the urge. I hope this helps. I'm on day 9 right now!

Re: A new beginning 30 Apr 2020 14:23 #348995

  • wilnevergiveup
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AnonyJew wrote on 30 Apr 2020 14:07:
I am in a very​ similar situation to you. One thing that has been very helpful for me is that once I feel an urge from whatever trigger I turn on a timer on my phone for 20 minutes and I refuse to act out without waiting for the timer. In this way I don't have to have a fight with the yetzer harah of never. Instead I tell him not now and supposedly after 20 minutes the urge will have passed anyways. After 20 minutes I consider it a fresh start so if an urge arises again after the timer I set a new timer because this is a new urge. The more I've been doing this the easier it has become to deny the urge. I hope this helps. I'm on day 9 right now!

Sounds great! If it works for you, keep it up!

Personally my Y"H usually out negotiates me. How do you get that timer on, the first time?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: A new beginning 01 May 2020 11:05 #349050

  • TheFighter99
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On to day #12. 

First the bad news. I only give myself a grade of C for yesterday. Still passing and a teeny bit better than day #11, but not by much. I flirted with danger so I have to carry out the negative consequences that I stated yesterday. The good news is that I actually totally forgot about the fact that I shifted the placement of my negative consequences, so it doesn't mean that they didn't work. After carrying them out this time, I'm sure I won't forget they exist next time and so they will serve as the barrier they are supposed to be.

On a different note, I heard a great quote in a speech by Rabbi YY Jacobson which is relevant to our fight: "A recovered alcoholic said that we used to drink to drown our troubles, until we realized that our troubles can float." I think this is both kind of funny and spot on. Acting out doesn't solve any of my problems, it just numbs them for a few minutes until they come back with a vengeance. Gotta stay sane.
Have a great shabbos and stay stong everyone. I'll check back in on Sunday morning.

The Fighter99 
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous

Re: A new beginning 01 May 2020 14:42 #349056

  • davidt
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We need to remember that the acting out was really a solution to the addiction, but it's a bad solution.  In order to solve the issue we need a higher power to help us fill the void that we were trying to fill by acting out. 
(this is one of the basic concepts of the 12 step program)
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 01 May 2020 14:43 by davidt.

Re: A new beginning 03 May 2020 13:24 #349114

  • TheFighter99
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@DavidT you are unquestionably correct. Unfortunately this is easier said then done.
.
My addiction is largely due to the fact that I have a dysfunctional relationship with God. Years ago, when I was more inspired religiously, the thought of looking at inappropriate content never even crossed my mind, despite the fact that I had unfiltered internet access. This isn't the forum to discuss my religious issues, though. In the meantime, I'll keep searching for that elusive relationship with God and try to not numb the painful void  with pornography
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous
Last Edit: 03 May 2020 13:26 by TheFighter99.

Re: A new beginning 03 May 2020 14:38 #349118

  • Singularity
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Come on, lay out your religious issues! We won't bite! *lowers stone*
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: A new beginning 04 May 2020 10:03 #349166

  • TheFighter99
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First the bad news-I had a relapse yesterday. I'm not gonna lie. This hurts bad inside. I'm in a lot of pain. I just want to be free of this addiction. I'm so sick of not being in control. I know I can do this, but sometimes the battle is so disheartening. 
The good news is that I got a streak of 13 days and that's a start.
I'll post more of a self pep talk tomorrow, but what do you guys tell yourselves after a relapse to get pumped up for the next round?
"It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa    BUT ALSO
"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”- Narcotics Anonymous
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