No, i am no spammer or bot, simply your classic case of denial. Joining the boards when the guilt get to much, and working the steps only until things settle down.

This is my 3rd username on the forum, frankly i shut-down my old emails and have no way to access them. I'm here open, honest, and wanting to make a senscere and long-lasting change in my life.

Not all of the program 'works for me', and frankly, most of the guys in 12 step groups just creep me out and make me wana run-away. I used to ascribe to the Duvid-Chaim path that drew on the *approved* literature more than on what's popular in the groups (e.g. the role of a "sponsor", and definition of "powerless"). And i must comment that the philosphy of the 12 steps is a GREAT THING to argue about... in the event that i would be working them. 

day -  0          finds me yet-again wasting my life and semen on whatsapp groups. it makes me wonder how many people are constantly leaving because people don't share shmuts fast enough, as opposed to me who leaves and deletes and trace of it, because i want nothing to do with porn!      i wonder if by being truthful on those groups, the admins would kick me out of the group out-of-pity. 

please G-d, don't send anyone to this thread who treats me like a newbie.    Please G-d don't send anyone to remind me about woodford or KOT.     Please G-d help me accept the fact that i will undoubtly have the lowest karma rating on this forum, and not take it to heart this time.

1-12steps wrote on 17 Oct 2019 17:43:

Welcome back,

Godspeed

Welcome back. May Hashem help you find what you are looking for here. Curious, did you ever meet anyone face to face not involved in 12 steps?

for my ego...

I have (almost) met Barditchiver
I have met R Guard (dunno what he calls himself today)
I know most of the the SA turned GYE staff
I took one of the SA Admorim as my sponsor
I bumped into too many childhood freinds in 12 step groups


But i firmly dissagree with the notion that everyone is addicts! It's sort of the undoing of step 1 (bringing everyone down to join you at "rock bottom") and destructive to steps 8-9 (coming to terms with the guilt and embarrasment from our actions)

i do agree that many pivital elements of the steps WOULD ENRICH ANYONE'S LIFE and frankly that's the reason i'm back to WORK THE STEPS on this blog (forum)

1-12steps wrote on 17 Oct 2019 21:47:

I met many of the old timers as well.
heck, I'm almost one of them myself.

Who said that everyone's an addict?

Not a bad time to check-in….

I just read a toucing article on the news (which I don’t want to be surfing anyway) about a stupid teenager who showed up in school with a loaded shotgun after a break-up with his gf. Students went running, and a techer who hear why, went (unarmed) looking to confront the student.

Face to face with the distraught and heartbrocken teen, he gave him A BIG LONG AND LOVING HUG. Wow!   The teen handed over the loaded shotgun without any fuss, and the teacher who TRULY CARED continued his loving embrace.

I’m jealous, and lonely (+hungry, + very tired). Then I got a mild urge and opened the incognito browser….

*gasp!*

I said a not very heartfelt tefila to hashem to save me from myself.  After all those tefilos and sincere tshuva, why blow it all on porn?

*it didn’t work*   and I only “wanted” to start typing the webpage even more….

I said another tefila, mybe this was was more humble.  מן המיצר קראתי this time….   Then hashem gave me the idea to type a post for GYE.  And while typing I realized WHAT triggered the need for escape (wanting a loving embrace), and remembered that people want me to come to the hakafot sniyot tonight (yeh, people that barely know me care about me somewhat…).     Obviously, getting out of the house and joining other ppl will obviously be a “healthy” thing to do.

I love you guys,  thanks hashem, thanks GYE, thanks readers!