I have always had trouble making past a week or two. I have realized in the past that part of the issue is that I have physical pain down there from not self indulging. It actually hurts like a pressure. I'm at 10 days and that usually as long as I can go. Then I fall and binge and it might be many months before I work up the courage or motivation to try again. I want to keep this streak going but I am worried that this physical pain/pressure is going to knock me down again. Is there something that will help? Can someone tell me when it will stop so at least I can have a goal in mind? 

getting.better.24.7.365 wrote on 17 Oct 2019 13:44:

Welcome and sorry to hear that.

Is it a real pain or merely a perceived one?

Why can't you stop after one or two times? Why binge?

What recovery methods have you tried?

Godspeed

It's an actual physical pressure/pain. Like I'm swollen. After one or two times it just doesn't feel like its relieved its almost like going to the bathroom and then trying to stop when you're half way done. Its just hard to stop. I have the same problem when I am together with my wife after being abstinant for a while. We are together and then I feel like its not enough so I fall and its very depressing. My wife and I havent had the closest relationship of late and she doesnt know about my problem. I cant bring myself to tell her and I woulndt do it without the right guidance. One of the things I am working on is strengthening my relationship with her so that our time together is more meaningful and she we will want to be together more often. This might help for those situations but right now its very hard since we are off limits. I have tried filters and SA groups, I've been on this website. I've listened to ohone groups and talked with GYE helpline guys. I start out very commited and then I falter and give up after a fall. I come in with so much hope and then I can never build on where I was. 

getting.better.24.7.365 wrote on 17 Oct 2019 15:28:

Sorry to hear that.

Sounds like you need a real mentor. If I were you, I wouldn't rest until I found a good one.

Godspeed

Regarding the pain when you are with your wife, you may want to see a urologist. There is help for that. Regarding the matzav, do as Cords advises and get a good mentor here. You will b'ezras Hashem get out of this mess.