Hey Onceandforall!

Great job so far! And kudos for holding yourself accountable with your daily posts!

Avoiding a desire isn't avoiding the situation. On the contrary, if you can equip yourself with methods of avoiding temptation you prove yourself a worthy adversary to the yetzer hara. He has no footing to get in.

I did think like you for a very long time and I would drive myself crazy to reflect and determine if I possessed the qualities to withstand temptation. And I would get depressed and frustrated because I continued to fail. But then I met a certain rebbe and he explained to me what I am explaining to you. I tried it and it worked for a longer period of time. I still struggle, but I gained such a tremendous menuchos hanefesh by, in a way, subjugating myself to the lack of control over my temptation and instead focusing myself on action-based measures of evasion. These two ideas I believe are life-changing.

Please let me know what you think. I would love to discuss this with you further.

Inspired

Day 13 

Ahh.. Mondays- for some the dread of a new work week, but for me a welcome amount of busy to help me in this fight. 

@inspired. I actually have no idea what you mean- it was pretty vague what you said, lol. I too would like to discuss more to better understand what your saying. Anything that would help me- especially if it’s getting a better big picture perspective. Would u like to chat privately? I just set up a gmail that anyone can reach me at if they want to talk: onceandforall9091@gmail.com

wishijg everyone a great day and strength! 

Day 15

i frustratingly just lost a longer post I composed earlier. Just wanted to say that BH things are going well. 

I also wanted to make a point to let any beginner that maybe reading this know that I think it’s crucial to stop watching tv/movies if trying to stop. There are so many triggers and I think anybody is kidding themselves that they’ll be able to stop mzl or porn long term when still watching movies. I tried before stopping while not giving up tv and I never worked for me. It made the struggle so much harder. 

its hard to give up but it’s the advice I got and it’s been a game changer. So if your trying and your serious- it’s my beginner advice to other beginners

also, this is just my personal thoughts, but I think by doing this you are giving up something for HaShem and He pays you back by helping you succeed with siyata dishmaya. Show Him you are willing to put in real effort for things you can do (give up movies) and He will help you do thing you can’t do alone (stay clean). 

Wishjjg eveyone a great day with lots of strength to overcome your struggles. 

Onceandforall wrote on 24 Jul 2019 15:30:

This is really good advice.  I struggle with watching movies or tv shows when working out at a gym.  Although it helps with the workout.  I need to be honest and acknowledge that this does not help in my fight against this Y"H.  Even if what I'm watching is "clean"  It is hard not to be affected when viewing attractive actresses.  Thanks for this push.  I'm gonna try to refrain from this. 

Agreed! I don’t even know how you go to the gym!! I currently work out at home but someone asked me to join him at the gym- but I’m too nervous that I won’t be able to control myself from looking at women in the gym. Gym clothes are so provocative these days (and unfortunately a big turn on for me). I don’t think I can go... but at the same time I know it will help me make sure to exercise more by having a partner. 

Is there a Jewish/kosher gym that has separate hours for men? 

Dave M wrote on 25 Jul 2019 12:49:

In Brooklyn, Yeled V'Yalda has a kosher gym. Besides the separate hours, the video monitors only have kosher content. It is a great place (besides parking )

Onceandforall wrote on 24 Jul 2019 15:30:

Keep up the great work!!!

I also lost a really long post on my trek to 90....Lol, maybe it is an integral part of getting through 90 days. 

Day 17

I want to start putting away a certain amount of money every time I overcome my urges and stay strong. And then when it adds up to a large amount and I have stayed clean for a nice amount of time I can buy something meaningful that will be a constant a reminder that I can do this. Anyone do this? Thoughts?

An amazing strong Shabbos to all. We can all do this, if you feel like something bad is going to start up- get out of the house and go visit someone !! 

Thanks for the idea. I will do the same.

Onceandforall wrote on 26 Jul 2019 23:26:

If I’d do that, I’d become a millionaire overnight

   *$$    $$*
        $$
   \______/

Day 20

some weekend— ups and downs. Still Fightin and even though difficult, BH no falls- not even slips! 

i almost didn’t post today, because I didn’t really have much to say. I saw saw someone post esleswhere that they don’t post ever because they don’t have what to add. So here’s my thoughts on that. The posting isn’t so much for others as it is for YOU! I personally post random stuff about my day because it makes me think about the fight more often and I know that I have to come hear and speak out my journey. No real insight - just the constant posting itself is what helps me.

It is working for me, so if your hiding out there- start posting for yourself!

great day everyone. I have this one mapped out and should be good for me. Keeping my eyes down has started to become more of a habit (still super hard though!!!)

Onceandforall wrote on 29 Jul 2019 12:51:

Thats great!  Its common that the "good feeling" begins to wear off at around 2-3 weeks.  Just needs to weather this period and it will get easier.  Thanks for your words of wisdoms!

Day 22

BH still doing well. Someone I talk to privately asked me if it’s getting any easier and I think until he mentioned it I didn’t even realize that it has been. In comparison to the beginning weeks, how much I thought about it and now it’s only a couple times a day that I am actively fighting. So yes it has been easier somewht but I’m not letting my guard down anytime soon.  

The key key for me has been the less you see the less you list. So limiting myself from looking at anything that turns me on : on the street, online, reading watching- anything. Trying to do what we are really supposed to do and not look at anything remotely uncovered. Yea it’s hard and yea it’s a different lifestyle trying to avoid it all the time. But it sure beats the alternative and makes it easier this way than with looking - that’s too hard for me to beat so I just say no. 

Strength to ALL!!!  

Day 24

The time seems to be flying by. I cannot believe that I’m at day 24 already!! Thank you all for all the help to getting to this point and further. Hope everyone has ana amazing shabbos and a STRONG weekend !!