ysftw wrote on 20 Sep 2018 11:29:
I've been trying to reach this milestone for about 4 years now, and not once did I make it (you can dig up previous comments I've made in this forum that go back about that long).
I wanted to very simply explain how I made it here, and why I believe 90 is an important milestone.
Am I no longer an addict? No I'm still an addict. Why is 90 important? For one reason only, you can't get here on willpower alone, getting to 90 means that you've had to reorganize your whole system for dealing with this issue. So how is that done?
1. I realized that being addicted to porn does not make me a deviant or a creep, it's just something my brain has got hooked onto and that's a fact.
2. Because I'm an addict willpower can only last so long before not working anymore, the addiction is a marathon runner whilst willpower is a sprinter, and therefore if I rely on willpower in any sense I would have not got to 90.
3. Therefore all solutions involving willpower were useless, it took my a long time to realize this. But in that category I include 1) sets of beliefs 2) trying to get certain habits up and running 3) mantras. I always believed I was one realization short of the discovery that would change my life forever, and the belief I could keep in my head at all times that would suddenly make me free of porn. Wrong.
4. Once I realized that I was now on the path to success. If the solution is not internal, it must be external. If I will always want to look at porn eventually, and I want to make sure that that doesn't happen, then I need to make sure that I deal with my external access to porn, no matter what it takes.
5. Therefore every possible device that gives me access to the internet that is in my power to control is either heavily filtered (really heavily...no online videos work, youtube is blocked OBVIOUSLY certain "gateway" websites I used to use are blocked, social media is blocked) or has no ability to access the internet whatsoever. In a way, I hacked my own brain, I knew how, if I had to get to porn I would, and because I'm an addict at some point my brain always thinks it has to get to porn, and I closed off all of those options.
6. Short of living tech free however, there are always loopholes, and for those loopholes I used the Taphsic method, I tried this many times before but it never worked. This was because a) I wasn't doing it correctly b) I was using in place of filters. It's not strong enough to replace filters, seeing tempting images is stronger in the moment than the threat of punishment, but it is strong enough to deal with loopholes if you use it correctly.
7. Here's how I use it, for every single possible loophole I find I put it into the shavuah- I'm in a house with a TV set? So I wont use that set unless I'm not in yichud. I don't even allow myself to do an internet search for how to disable my filters etc. And then I make sure that the activity before the easy knas is possible to do but very annoying to have to do, and that the heavy knas is something I will be able to make myself do but would be terrified to do.
8. Obviously I've only reached 90 days and am not "cured" but this is the first time it's happened and I have to thank GYE for showing me the tools I've listed above to get me here.
9. One other thing is that this method did fail me once, I did have a fall whilst using this system just over 90 days ago, however it was because I had not got the Taphsic shavuah at the correct balance point, and covering all the options, the fall exposed a set of holes which I have no covered, and hence I am here. So even when you fall, it's insight to tweaking the method to getting it just right, to carry you all the way, it's not like you have to search for a totally new approach.
10. I try to learn not just from what makes me fall but what makes other people fall too and to factor that in as soon as it comes to my attention.
I hope in some way that was useful to somebody, all comments criticisms, feedback and questions are welcome
I'm happy that you found something that works.
