Hi guys. This is my first post here. I finally joined and want to aim for 90 days. I need to re-wire my brain that I don't need PMO whenever I have to deal with the slightest discomfort of life.
Hope that makes sense.
Thanks

Welcome brother.

Yes makes sense!

MottehPoisansky wrote on 18 Jul 2018 20:38:

What are you going to do instead?

That's a good question.
I have so much to do.

Work instead of staying home alone...
Actually get started on a side venture I'm trying to get started.
Sleep normally at night.
Daven & learn Torah...

These are all things I know I want to do, but have their own anxieties attached to them, so I escape, and then get caught up...

So I spent almost a whole day on the forums. It's like i replaced one addiction with another. Except that this one will hopefully lead to positive growth.

Some very inspiring stories here. I hope to bring the inspiration into action using the accountability of the chart and forum.

Thanks guys!

Need to get back to work tomorrow. Got bills to pay so I dont get evicted and my kids kicked out of school.

Welcome we hope to hear from you 
lots of Hatzlacha

So as I mentioned, I think I replaced one addiction with another. now GYE is my "addiction"
I'm thinking I might belong in Underearners Anon.
Of course, I'm still going for my 90 days, one impulse at a time.

You should so lucky. That would mean you are not addicted. Addiction to GYE is just habit. Addiction is a real disease, where the brain is 110% positive that because some stimulus came in it will eventually do X, whether ten minutes or ten days from now.

Actually, I wouldn't say I'm addicted to begin with. I wasn't entirely accurate there.

When my wife came home to find on the computer 7 years ago (just YouTube), when I was supposedly at a shiur, she was devastated. I had a wake-up call that I was escaping to the internet (in general, and specifically porn (on other occasions)).
I called an expert in addictions who asked me if I believe that I can stop. I said, yes. So he told me, in that case, make a strong decision to stop. and go for it.
What if I fall again? Just go for it again.
I guess I never reached rock bottom and felt helpless.
But I definitely have an obsessive habit of escaping to the computer and/or porn that I would like to change. Problem is I work on the computer and I'm just a geek. Social anxiety.

I want to thank you guys for being here. Life at the moment is full of stress and anxiety. But BH not falling because I'm thinking of you guys.

Right back at you ...

Still hanging in there.

Davening this shabbos was a more spiritual experience than it has been recently

What's working for is I'm telling my self I will NOT being going down the path of acting out.

So when thoughts or triggers come up, i just redirect my thoughts, knowing that they will just go away, and I do not need to follow them.

I've been spending excessive time on GYE, which is certainly better than acting out. However, I'm still spending way too much time here instead of sleeping or working, and it comes at a major cost.

GYE is not the problem but since I convinced myself that it's a good thing I have allowed it take over my work and sleep.

Staying up late and just surfing the web on my phone has been a major "gateway" for me.  First of all the surfing itself can be dangerous, and the sometimes I'll feel bad that I wasted so much time so to make myself feel better I act out.

Why do I stay up late? Sometimes its a coping mechanism for dealing with negative feeling rejection. It ends up being self sabotage. So I need to find more healthy ways of coping. Journaling comes to mind.
I want to reconnect with my friends too (but I can't share all my challenges with everyone)



I welcome feedback and advice from my insightful fellows here.

Great going!!

Ever considered white lists on your phone so you save yourself from great white sharks - as I have?

I'll admit it can be inhibiting sometimes, like when you see a redirect to the old gye website and I get ... 

Markz wrote on 22 Jul 2018 23:33:

I did that for a while when I had an iPhone. But took it off because i found it too limiting. Android doesn't have something like that built in and haven't settled on a filtering service...
my goal is to limit my time on my phone in general. My life has a lot more going for it than spending hours on my phone. I have an app that disables my phone during certain hours (family time and sleep time). That works for me as long as I don't disable it. As well as paying attention to where I'm using it (not when home alone or in the bathroom)
For now my obsession with GYE and my 90 day goal is keeping me away from falling.

My wife was offered a job opportunity that would require us to move. She brought it up with me. And while I think that this particular job wouldn't be the best move we can make now, I'm hearing her out and being supportive.
I think it won't work out on its own.

Aside from the job itself, the concern she brought up with me is "what do you want to do with your life?!"
Even if we do move, will I continue "doing nothing" by spending lots of time on my phone and computer, 
She's ready to just "run away" from our marriage.

B"H this opened up a conversation asking her to really listen and sharing with her that I really struggle with this, and my whole life has been a fight with this. She actually did mention that maybe I should get a dumbphone or see an addiction counselor. We spoke about how all this makes her feel and how this is why she wants to run away from it all.

So I am making a firm decision not to spend so much time on my phone. My goal is not more than 1:20 a day. I've had this app called Quality Time which allows me to track how much time I'm spending. I do review it occasionally and remove time suckers from my phone. Chrome and Youtube are the biggest offenders. They're gone. I deleted email too. (I spend most of the work day in front of a computer anyway).  (I downloaded all the GYE apps so we'll see where that goes. Will they become time suckers too?)

I need to face my social anxiety, and all the stress of work head on. Need to find better coping mechanisms for the inevitable stress and rejection at work and life. (and I need to go back and read all the things I said I need to do and do them :-) )

Davening this morning, I was particularly moved by one section, that never had as much meaning to me:
We do not know what to do; our eyes are looking to You.
Remember Your mercies, O God, and Your acts of kindness, for they have existed for all time.
May Your kindness be manifest upon us, O God, as we have hoped in You.
Do not recall for us our previous sins. Speedily have Your mercies come toward us, for we have been sorely impoverished.
Be gracious unto us, O God, be gracious unto us, for we have been overly sated with scorn.
God, deliver us. May the King answer us on the day we call.
For He knows [with what impulses] we were formed; He is mindful that we are but dust.
Help us, O God of our deliverance, for the sake of the honor of Your name.
Save us and atone for our sins for the sake of Your name.

With best wishes for all my brothers here!
Will check back tomorrow bez'ras Hashem (as opposed to compulsively every 5 minutes :-) )