OK...Regarding your reservations:  if it's about Rav Berland shlit''a, I think I'm obligated to explain.

I don't know the laws of LH/rechilus nor the details of the Israeli court system well enough to have chassash from the stories about the Rav shlit''a...as far as I know nothing has been held up in an actual legitimate beit din, and even the confessions associated with the plea bargain don't hold water for me because of the possibility that he was put in a situation of pikuach nefesh -- the story goes that the government was withholding critical medical treatment while his case was awaiting trial, and his lawyers said his best bet to stay alive was to make a plea bargain which involved receiving said treatment.  In my mind this seems to remove credibility from those confessions.  As far as the other recordings, journalist Rivka Levy shlit''a seems to have decided they were faked.

If none of this smoke were around, I would be paying attention to him and reading his books, because he was (is?) a teacher of Rav Shalom Arush shlit''a for whom I have unconditional respect.

Sorry I have know idea who Rav Berland is except that he is something in Breslav, and what the story is, I don't follow the news, especially the so called jewish ones. The concept you quoted from him makes sense.

I was referring to the second part about the Gr"a and Neveiah. There is a word from Tzadikim, I forgot who, לא תעלה במעלות על מזבחי אשר לא תגלה ערוותך עליו. Do not try to go up Malos, and jump to higher levels, it only causes the fall to be deeper. The climb up needs to be gradual.
Hatzlocha Rabba

Thanks, that's an interesting source for the idea.

I wonder about this.  People do such amazing things together...in yeshiva it's common and not even surprising to see a person learn for hours at a time, because that's their environment and the people around them are also focused on the same thing...the same people trying to do the same thing alone could ch''v destroy themselves.

Well, I did it...hid away all food drink and muktzeh and especially technology [except the stopwatch], cleaned the table and swept the floor, then sat down for six hours and a few extra minutes.  (I figured if it's something to do specifically with having learned for exactly six hours, better to have a mini nevuah while I'm still learning).

It was interesting, the first four hours I was getting up and sitting down (book in hand), feeling sleepy feeling thirsty, even some intrusive lust.  The last hour and a half was...calm, happy, almost had a neilah feel.  Which is hilarious because it was only six hours.

I think the six hour mark was around Isaiah 40:17 (no, I didn't just read Isaiah with the Artscroll/Stone Tanach translation for six hours.  Though it was a good part of it.)  Here is my mini prophecy, after finishing the chapter:

"Think nothing"


​and the rest i'm not sure if counts:
two half-posuks:
"הנוטע אוזן הלא ישמע"
"המלמד אדם דעת"
and the posuk that follows:
"ד׳׳ יודע מחשבות אדם כי המה הבל"

I guess I'm supposed to not think about something.  Or not worry about not hearing something, since my Teacher (best Teacher in every world) heard it.  Or to pay zero attention to the nations of the world (look at 40:17) i.e. news/media/lust.  

Or maybe it's a hint that I'm supposed to learn the mystical "think about nothing" meditation that Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan says is so dangerous.

Maybe you're supposed to not think about nevuah?

Just a (not) thought

maybe it means your supposed to listen and then hashem will teach you daas 
and you'll realize hashem knows all your thoughts because to him they are nothing
once your filled with his

FYI: Question posted on Mi Yodeya (Stack Exchange) Yesterday. Perhaps you can help and answer a source.

lionking wrote on 02 May 2018 23:13:

yeah that was me just added the text from the book.  The Rav shlit''a doesn't say a specific source.

tzomah, that is how i understood the technique itself...i went ahead and tried it again yesterday (why not, i'm free) with more confusing results.  So far nothing I really now how to "check and test", unless my grouchy trip to the grocery store last night somehow caused the geula.  (hey, who knows)

I went to Meiron and lost my yamaka, some nice person saw me covering my head with a book and gave me his (yamaka), which fits better.

Almost getting crushed against the walls is actually a really good way to cry out from the depth of my being ("please don't kill me")

Sleep schedule is now totally bonkers.  Also somehow I've lost my backpack, no clue how or where (it must have been after I got home from Meiron, though, since the tefillin are still here...)...i guess it's good, it means i'm giving other jews lots of mitzvahs to do...like the time i left my wallet in the grocery store and someone returned it...

​Also I've been trying to walk around in the street squinting like an idiot instead of flinching away every time i see something i shouldn't.  Flinching bothers people, squinting apparently don't.  I guess they just figure I'm crazy.

דְּהָא מִסְכְּנִין לָא יִתְבַּטְּלוּן מִן עָלְמָא‎
--Zohar HaKadosh

Good Shabbos

Yeah, so I fell...it's not so surprising, if I start talking a lot, writing long comments, it pretty much means I don't know where to turn with things I need to deal with if I'm going to do something with my life (i.e. not just hashkafic but also halachic questions about big, life-changing stuff)

if I'm lying down in bed, not wanting to get up, just thinking about stuff, it's a short road to start wishing i could be venting about the world to some specific friendly girl/hypothetical wife (which just isn't the reality) and from there to start imagining other things.

I opened two books (jeremiah and shmirat hazman) trying to find a different thought, but it didn't help and my impatience got the worse of me.

youll get up, youll get up,and youll be stronger than before! im lo nafalti lo kamti! if i did not fall ,i would not have risen to such hieghts! sometimes our falls are yeridas litzaruch aliyas,may you only have the aliyas w/o the yeridas  from hereon! NAFALTE?LO SOSEF! KUM BESULAS YISROEL! YOU FELL?YOU SHOULD NOT CONTINUE TO FALL! GET UP O` MAIDEN OF ISRAEL!(A NAME FOR KLAL YISROEL)

fell again

I feel so stuck

I know with [decent amounts of] certainty that this is the "descent, beginning of ascent" and that the shame I'm feeling is because I'm on the verge of something good

yet in the moment all I want to do is lie in bed, and ועל הרעה מעין הטובה -- the blessing on bad news that is likely to turn out good, is דין האמת like any bad news

חיב אדם לברך על הרע כשם שהוא מברך על הטוב
the bartenura(?) comments -- when a person blesses dayan ha-emet, he should do so with simcha and joy [love] just like when he blesses ha-tov ve-hametiv

yeah I'm reaching the end of masechet brachot :D memorizing is fun.  might have to make a siyum

Sorry to hear that.
I know the feeling...
May God give us clarity

ieeyc wrote on 04 May 2018 16:03:

Not sure if bringing up virgins is helpful here.

anequivalentpath wrote on 08 May 2018 15:36:

Sounds like you need someone to talk to. Someone who can help you get over the shame by telling you that you are OK. Feel free to reach out if you'd like. My email is ihavestrength1@gmail.com.