happy for you, and im happy to see that eventually things are changing for the good, even it took so long!!
keep it up brother...
you are good to go, and take us all along.

Thank you for sharing great news. Be proud of your courage to filter your devices better. May it give you more s'yata d'shmaya.

Ouch. Today, day 168, I fell. There are however a couple of things that I'm happy about. My fall was looking at soft core porn. It wasn't mz"l. The fact that I'm considering this a fall and not a slip shows me how much I've gained from GYE. 
The fall happened on my work iPad, ironically, right after I added some sort of protection on it. I was really tired, that definitely added. Now I need to start work (the kind of work I do for money), I'll have to figure out what else to do about this later. Any ideas?

Here's some incentive not to fall again... It's so freakin difficult to control my eyes and thoughts compared to before. Recently, I've been very aware of my feelings. One thing that I feel changed with this fall is that before the fall, if I'd describe the source of my se*ual desire physically, I'd say that it wasn't as strong. Maybe more  physical than intellectual or emotional. Therefore, it was much easier and fighting my desire to act out using logica was much more effective. Now, after the fall, while the logic is still the same, it's barely strong enough to overcome the physical desire.... I kinda feel like I'm typing completely nonsensically, but to me this makes sense. Hopefully to somebody else as well.


שבת שלום לכולם!

bb0212 wrote on 14 Jul 2017 16:28:

My experience is that when I am really tired and an unprotected device is available, it can be a harrowing experience, as was with the last fall

Happens to be that BH with my participation in the forum, the lust drive is on a lower gear overall, so that's a good thing

Is it possible to be strong enough when ones tires are tired / defences are down?

bb0212 wrote on 14 Jul 2017 16:28:

Ok, I whitelisted the iPad. That should make things a lot easier & simpler. Kinda strange to say it, but I'm almost happy that I fell. Before that, I had felt that the fight was way too easy. Because of this fall, I now know how easily and quickly I can unravel and be destroyed by this desire & that puts it all in a different perspective.

Markz wrote on 14 Jul 2017 22:02:

That's a great question. Perhaps it would depend on the severity of the challenge? For example, take dude driving a car with regular tires (or tyres for you weird ppl ). He drives over a nail on regular street in the city. The air comes out & the guy needs to slow down to a crawl and get the tire changed asap or it'll start to damage the rim and cause all sorts of issues. Once that's done, he'll be fine. But it was a big hassle and completely messed up his work schedule. So he decides to get the runflat tires so that if he gets a flat again, he'll be able to continue driving till he's done with work & then he can get the tire replaced when it won't interfere with his work. The next week, he'd driving to work & gets a nail in the tire again. But now, since he has the runflat tires, he can wait till work's over and his plan works out perfectly. Then he heard about the guy who was driving 100mph on the Autobahn and his runflat tire somehow blew out, the car spun outta control & the dude ended up in pieces scattered across the highway. He fits his research and finds out that those tires were only rated to go 80 mph. So he makes sure to never go over 75.  However, the next week he's waiting by a traffic light and a guy jumps in, points a gun at his head, and barks out "drive!". He has no choice but to drive, he gets on the highway and the guy forced him to drive 100mph. When his tire blew out, he miraculously survived the accident. On his replacement car, he made sure to get runflat tires rated to go 120mph, got bullet proof windows and doors that auto lock. 


The point is, every time he discovered a weakness that he could strengthen, he strengthened it. However, it's a dangerous world, so he can't possibly protect himself from all evil. So he spoke to his Father: "Hashem, I'm doing my part, I'm taking every precaution to stay safe. Please make sure that I never get hurt & I always find ways to prevent injury to myself before the threat occurs."

Translated to us, in our lives we are constantly making mistakes. We can try to learn from them & through that, guard ourselves from falling to sin. However, that's as long as we have the proper defenses. Some challenges will be greater than us and there's no way for us to get through unscathed. Even if we take every single precaution, if somebody nuked the car, everybody inside would be vaporized. So we ask Hashem to protect us from the fights we can't win and to give us the strength to win the fights we can.

Markz, to answer your question,
Is it possible to be strong enough when ones tires are tired / defenses are down?
I think it depends on how strong our defense is. Therefore, we have to to build up our defense to the peak of its potential. At the same time, there will be challenges that are stronger than our strongest defense. So we need to all Hashem to keep those away from us.

bb, extremely well written.

Bb0212 that was a five star post. 

Kop

bb0212 wrote on 16 Jul 2017 07:10:

I'm sure the guy was glad his tyres could only go up to 80 so the other guy would die...

Well, it could be that the reason I don't understand you is because I'm so tyred. In either case, every car tire is rated to go up to a certain speed. If a car is rated to go 110mph, but the driver goes 120mph, the tires are at a higher risk of blowing out.

bb0212 wrote on 18 Jul 2017 05:42:

Yeah so he knew the other guy would make him drive more than 80 so he was sorta thankful in a way because he knew the other guy would be in danger too and then he'd be bizarrely safer than if he had proper tyres. 

Listen I know this whole schpiel is tiring so all I want to say is KOMT!! But not faster than 80

Good morning everyone, חודש טוב!

So... I just had a wet dream. The thing is, I was conscious enough that I think I could've stopped it, but I didn't. At the same time, I was still half asleep and also might've had partially good intentions for letting it happen ( I wanted to release to make the fight easier). 
I don't think I should reset my count, what do y'all think?

My opinion is that if you are using the 90 day chart you should use the rules that govern it. In which case you should not reset your count. 

With respect, I dispute your assertion that the release makes the fight easier. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 24 Jul 2017 15:47:

Ty. There's no need to dispute, I agree with you 100%. Giving in, or "releasing" adds a great deal of difficulty to the fight. However, in my semi conscious state of mind, I considered another - false - possibility.