Okay Chevrah, I wanted to start this thread 2 weeks ago but didn't get around to it. B"H I'm already 17 days clean and would like to post updates about my journey in this thread.

Iv'e been reading many many threads in the forums over the last 2 weeks and Iv'e gained a lot insights. For one, I really need to thank Hashem for allowing me to find GYE at this stage in my life, when 1) I'm still young and only married a few years, and 2) Although Iv'e been struggling for years with porn and masturbation it nevertheless has not went beyond that to worse things and for the most part did not affect my normal functioning as a Father/Husband/Breadwinner. With Hashem's help, along with the wonderful Chevra here I will succeed in breaking free permanently of my current struggles too.

Another point I'd like to make is that for the bulk of the 17 days Iv'e been clean my wife & I have been mutar to each-other. Some may say that's a crutch and therefore my current clean streak is not really a sign of progress. However I noticed a remarkable difference in a different way. Because in the past even if being mutar to each-other helped me to not act out for a week or 2 I nevertheless struggled a nightly basis with hirhurim/ fantasies. In other words, the lust was there but it simply had a mutar outlet. But in the last 17 days Iv'e B"H been able to go to sleep at night for the most part with a clear mind and without lusting. To me that's a HUGE difference and I like to think it's a real sign of progress.
I'm still trying to work out what has affected this change. So far I haven't really used any tools besides the forum and Chizuk emails.

Continued hatzlacha!

Thanks for sharing.

Keep it up.

Lots of Hatzlacha

Glad to hear that things seem to be going well much hatzlocha

Btw am I the only one who finds the time when my wife is a niddah easier that when she is not a niddah?
if this sounds crazy i think the reason is cos when she is a niddah so i bottle up all my lust feelings inside me, but when she becomes permitted then i (sometimes) use her as a way to satisfy my lusts which she cant do (lust wants everything which she cant provide) and then i get frustrated and turn to porn to find satisfaction.

abe2710 wrote:


You are definitely not alone. Take a look at this fascinating thread from the Baalei Batim's Forum:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/238069-I-think-I-miss-the-nida-times
That thread actually has a lot of thought provoking ideas about relating in general to the role of sexuality etc in one's life and some of those ideas are helping me stay clean now. My wife and I struggled for a while with this issue but right now although she's mutar to me I'm not feeling lust for the most part. I think I may chime in with more detail in the aforementioned thread.

I think that part of the shift in attitude I learned here is that until now I viewed this whole struggle as a religious issue. As if were it not for the isurim involved I would act out freely and satisfy all my lust and fantasies. But I'm realizing that it's not only a religious issue but an also a matter of quality of life. Chaza"l teach us that a person doesn't leave this world with even half his taava fulfilled. So even if I let loose and attempted to fill my wildest fantasies I doubt I'd be happy. But by working on not lusting I will feel more content and won't need to exert so much energy battling the Y"H.

While walking down the street this past Shabbos I kept my eyes down and avoided as much as possible looking around. But until now that in itself would have been a struggle. I would be feeling like I really want to stare at all the beautiful women walking around but I'm not allowed to. The whole fight would take a lot of mental energy from me and even if I succeeded in guarding my eyes I would get to shul feeling depleted and battleworn. But this Shabbos I kept telling myself - I don't want to look because I don't want to lust. And I got to shul feeling very good!

Sounds like a healthy attitude.

cordnoy wrote:
And E x h i l i r a t i n g!!!
Tell me about it!!!

My wife and I had an unpleasant conversation earlier this evening which put her in a bad mood for the rest of the night. That has been very hazardous for me in the past, and typically on such a night I would escape by acting out. But B"H for GYE, I am feeling much stronger and I am telling myself that I do not need to be affected by my wife's mood. Not to say that I don't feel bad for her, but it shouldn't necessitate me to act out. I can fall asleep tonight to the threads on the forums!

Good for you keep it up!

I posted the following in another thread which I started specifically for the purpose of discussing my challenge with frum weddings, but I think it belongs here too as part of my 90 day journey.

I just got back from a wedding a short while ago. I'm exhausted (it's past 3am) but as Gibor suggested I want to post an update and some reflections.
Baruch Hashem I think I can say I left that wedding relatively unscathed. I did see many beautifully dressed women, and this was almost impossible to avoid. In fact, the elevator going up to the chuppah /ballroom was filled to capacity with both men and women and I found my face about an inch away from a woman who squeezed in. (Something really felt wrong about that. I just gazed up at the ceiling and held my breath through my nose per the halacha of not smelling an erva's perfume). However, I kept telling myself that there's a difference between seeing and looking and that as long as I wasn't taking a "2nd look" then I'm not doing anything wrong.
And as far as I what I just "seeing" I tried to focus on the simcha and not let it bother me. I can't say I was 100% successful on that count, but I was definitely much better off than I've been in the past. I actually had a good time overall and didn't leave feeling bitter and battleworn. The real challenge will be to see what kind of thoughts I think about when I go to bed shortly and over the following few nights.

That's a warrior! Keep going strong

BTBH WOW KOT

Baruch Hashem I'm still clean and sleeping well at night. I haven't felt this good in a long time.

In addition to working on not lusting I've been focusing on general improvement of my marriage relationship and specifically gaining new perspectives on sexual intimacy. I have been listening to Rabbi Feuerman's Chosson Shmuz series. Interestingly though, I found the other day that since my wife became a Niddah again the shiur has become somewhat of a trigger for me. Perhaps while my wife was tehora it was like "Pas B'salo" even though we weren't together very frequently. Has anyone experienced a shiur on these inyanim to be a trigger?

Remember, for a sex addict every thing and every word regarding these issues can be a trigger!