There are so many things that are racing through my head that its hard to put them into words. I'll start with explaining why I started this thread on the forum. I first came across GYE about three months ago. I have been slowly exposing myself to the various tools that exist on this site. Initially, I found it to be overwhelming, but decided to utilize one thing at a time. I have read through part of the handbook and am still working my way through it for the first time. When I saw that I was still falling, I signed up for the daily chizuk emails. Then, about two months ago, I started my journey on the 90 chart. In the last two months I have learned a lot about my problem and am hopeful that the chizuk, suggestions and companionship in this area will help me find my way. Like I said, my thoughts are all over the place right now so I don't want to get into the struggles I've faced in the last few months. Over the course of time and the more I post, these things will iy"h be spelled out.

I do want to declare what my acting out problem is. It took me a long time to finally realize that I have a serious, chronic (possibly addictive, but I'm not there yet- maybe I should be) masturbation problem. I have been masturbating since I was 13 and there have been certain tekufos of my life when I was masturbating almost every day and sometimes multiple times a day. This, I believe, is my main area of struggle. I have as a teenager and single bachur occasionally viewed pornography. This is not something that I have done in a long time and it was not something I did consistently enough to become a real problem.

I know that there is probably a lot that should be included in this introduction that I am leaving out, but this is a very hard thing for me to do. I am not the kind of person that turns to others for help and I rarely share personal information with others. However, I believe posting on the forum and learning to share with others is a necessary step in my recovery. Hopefully with Hashem's help I will begin to truly live life.

And today is day 1! And [b]today[b] I will not fall!

Welcome aboard, nice to meet you.

We look forward to hearing more of your story.

KOT

Hatzlacha rabba!

Thanks for the welcome!

I'm new here and this may be a stupid question- what does KOT stand for? (I've seen it in a few different places)

Keep On Truckin'

Some common related terms:
KOMT = Keep On Monster Truckin'
KUTGW = Keep Up The Good Work

לתוספת ביאור עיין כאן

WELCOME AH! Many of us have found that we could not find freedom until we opened up to another person (or people). This forum is a great plact to get started. KOP (Keep on Posting) . You are on your way...

tryingtoshteig wrote:

For a fuller treatment of the subject of official GYE Roshei Taivos (not to be confused with Roshei Ta'avos c"v) see the GYE Glossary of Terms .

Thanks, guys, for the welcome and explanations!

Today is the beginning of my second day! I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I think it might be because I'm doing something for the first time that actually has a real chance of working. It's a very elevating feeling! I hope it sticks!

Anyway, its Friday and I'm not usually the vort king, but I heard soomething nice this morning from my Rosh Chaburah in Dirshu this morning. We say in zemiros "v'shom yanuchu yegiei koach" (please forgive the horrible spelling!). Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel translates this line as follows: in Olam Habbah, the one's who toil in learning and avodas Hashem will rest. My rosh chabura is bothered why we sing a song referencing death on Shabbos. Perhaps a little inappropriate for the occasion, no?

He explained like this: since Shabbos is mei'ein olam habbah, the zemer can be referring to Shabbos as well. Those who are constantly busy in avodas Hashem all week (us!) will truly be able to rest and enjoy the company of the Shechinah on Shabbos!

I hope to be back before Shabbos to update my status for today. I am excited to welcome in the Shabbos tonight with another clean day!

Gut Shabbos

Thanks for the update, and the vort!

ahavas hashem wrote:
Just as long as we remember that "resting" on Shabbos doesn't mean "resting on our laurels," but rather, stepping back and appreciating that we are doing the right thing and growing because of it, and to KOT KOMT even on Shabbos!!!

Yes, Trying! Your 100% right!! Thanks for clarifying.

I wont be able to be on later so I'm updating early today- so far I'm clean and having a great day. With Hashem's help, the day will end as good as it started!!

Good Shabbos to all!

A gut voch! welcome to the family and hatzlacha rabba on your (our) journey

Gut Voch, everyone!

Thanks Nitzotz!

Today was day 3 and baruch Hashem I'm still good. Could have had a fall tonight in the shower, but I told myself it wasn't worth screwing up so early in the game- and all the way at the end of a pretty good day.

I was thinking about why I may have almost fell and concluded that it was due to the anxiety level felt in my house later in the day today. I am feeling the brunt of my wife;s anxiety and I guess masturbating would have been my escape. I guess I need to keep this in mind and find more healthy ways of dealing with this. I'm just nervous about the upcoming week- I have a feeling it's gonna be anxiety-ridden.

One day at a time.

Reality is one day - today - at a time. And One day at a time is the only way that works for me, too. I guess reality is a 'useful tool', after all.

Day 4 was good, clean. Stayed really busy with the family! See ya tomorrow!

KUTGW!

yesterday was day 5 and im still clean. hopefully i will post later today how today went.