laughingman wrote:

It is great that you are trying to correct your personality flaws... but this reminded me that I have made my own struggle in this regard more difficult by being judgemental about it... "Oh, I'm such a XXX because of this problem," etc... NO! Stay away from that at all costs! Ok, so I have what to work on... but that really is ok, most people do... in fact, that's why we're here in this world - to work on the things we need to work on... the fact that you are recognizing this means you are acknowledging your reason for being in this world! And that's definitely a good thing.

Hatzlacha rabba... KOT!

This: laughingman wrote:


...is a complete contradiction with this:




Which is it?

I respect what you have been trying to do, laughingman, and hope you can hear me out as a friend. 'Friends don't let friends drive junk', they say.

If, as you say, you yourself really don't want to act out your lust because you yourself feel you have so much of your own stuff to lose, then you are (very smartly) doing this for yourself and your own good. Why confuse yourself (and us) so much then, by sounding like a martyr and going on about only wanting to do this because He wants you to?

Are you saying that it is a good thing to pretend you are doing it for Him? It's frum to use the party line and sound kadosh vetahor, when you are really normal and selfish? I do not think Hashem wants us to fake ourselves at all. All the people I know who are clean for years, do so because they want to be clean. We call it 'enlightened self-interest. Because it is truly in their own best interest.

M'heicho teisi that Hashem wants anything else from you? Do you really eat for Him? Do you really sleep for Him?

No you do not, of course.

But suddenly, here when it comes to the most instinctual and powerful drive - sex - you insist you are controlling it for Him. Huh?

Nahrishkeit.

You have been here a long while and may have come a long way. But I sincerely believe that until you quit lying to yourself about what's going on here, you will suffer with more and more of this:




Consider making up your (and our) mind, chaver.

Can you accept that as one friend talking to another?

- Dov

You re right....i havent fallen

I slipped ..


Often when im walking i might begin to slip but B'H my reflexes are fast and i dont fall

This applies to walking and my struggle to 90 days

Your all correct in your reasonings on looking back at why and how much i have accomplished ...

I only say that because it really is the only reason i try to deal with this ....otherwise psych ppl would say i am no longer addicted already and no further work is needed....

But im here to climb higher then that and though i stumble and make mistakes i dont repeat the same

And i know some here are able to do more and i applaud the gevurot of such giants who face more then i did and still climb higher then i do now

But i also know i have made real progress in a very difficult part of my psyche and in my observance level across multiple levels..

With virtually no help or observation or anything

Except for G-d

And as long as i know i am here i keep trying to do as i have been doing

I am not understanding your post, assume you are referring to what someone else here posted to you...imagine that? ...and I should leave this conversation to those more equipped to follow vot's tutsach w your posts.

Hatzlocha old friend!!

its ok i was just saying some stuff about the real motivation behind my progress here .............

we need to diffrentiate between what is "normal" and what is expected of us on a religious level

also i want to be clear ......everything i do is only because Hashem tells me to

things i do wrong is only because i have a yetzer hara that confuses me on what i am doing

i only continued to live out my life sometimes because the torah forbids one to hurt themselves

i do most of what i do out of "what is the most urgent mitzvah i need to do now"

making a living, sleeping, even relaxing can be and are all mitzvot in the right context

our forefathers were legendary in this concept which is they they are our
forefathers

maybe i dont always think these seemingly altruistic thoughts 100% of the time but i try what i can

and G-d forbid i am not saying i am better then anyone else for it even if i did do 100% "for this is what you were created for"

So, over the past few months that you have been frum this way and are fighting against this 'problem', have you you still occasionally been using the sweet porn and masturbating yourself - or not? In other words, when is the last time you masturbated and how often is it still happenning, and when is the last time you used porn and how often do you - if you do?

This is a very simple question to answer clearly, chaver.

If you do, then we can move on to the next stage of consideration to see whats going on. Can you just answer without any explanations about why you are or are not still masturbating and using porn, please?

I dont and i dont ....

I have had a relapse where i did look at something i shouldnt but its not happened as much in recent time i keep track on my chart


If i do fall i re evaluate why it happened and work from there ....no two ways about it

Ite funny i was just thinking wether i am really kicking my past or simply pushing it farther underground.....


Well after talking to my wife who actually has helped me to put this in a perspective that in can manage...

I realize that while im not perfect in this yeg but im certainly not falling off and in the last two and a half months i have made alot of progress even beyond what i did before ....


For those still trying to kick the habits ....keep trying ...

Im still standing its tough....

But i can make it till the end

Happy to hear you're still standing,

I feel for you that it is tough

KUTGW!!

And just to be clear i only say im clean on the chart if i have abided by the chart rules

But i want to be clear past that

Thats why i no longer talk about slips

I am focusing on making it to 90 days with no falls

Then i will refocus myself to count ANY slip as a fall....you know so i can climb higher ....

I dont m******* on any level.....and i dont seek p*****

Havent had a fall since august and falls before that like i said were slips actually ....i was being overly tough on myself ....for the time .....i now feel that the ladder actually has alot more sub levels

In order to succeed a person must learn to understand what he can take and what makes him break and recognise his enviornment

But he also must not allow for stagnation

I am not preaching to anyone .....i am mearly airing my thoughts if this helps others fine ... but i dont say all this to show off ...only to continue to inspire myself to go on

I feel stable ......its a good feeling

90 days!!!! Right before chanuka tooo

I spent 3 months making sure i didnt fall

Just to get through it and see the facts....that i can beat this problem

But im not done yet....

As i look at my chart i realize that while i had no falls ..i did slip..

And for that i dont deny i have achieved

But i want the A+ grade

Until now i am clean according to the following parameters....i havent m******** or even e******* at all for 90 days

I also havent intentionally looked at anything online on a site specifically designated for looking.....

But i have seen things though i stopped as fast as possible
For 90 days ....

And now i want to take it to a higher level...

On the street btw i am also super careful not to look at improperly attired individuals as much as possible

I want to be 1000% done with this even beyond the normal call..to show that i was never happy with having this as a problem in the first place and to clear my head of the echos that remain ...and the fact that shovavim tat is right around this is the best time

What do you esteemed members and guard ...think