markz wrote on 16 Mar 2016 13:33:

Or use the phone number I sent you.....and that's for no $.

I really wanted to call last week .....and i had in mind ......but right before purim my water pipes had to be replaced ....ALOT OF THEM!!   ....huge mess ......and my wife is particularly sensitive to dirt and things like that .....soo yeah ....and alot of time lost ......soo alot of time lost in the future to make up for/fix what was ....good times...lol ....one day at a time is alot sometimes ......

I'm glad to see the positive outlook

Shlomo24 wrote on 27 Mar 2016 00:49:

shlomo, i think you should trade your avatar with laughingman. just a thought.

... one second. I haven't been around for a few months, but something in the recesses of my mind associates Shlomo with the Fruit Loops bird and Israeli flag ... ??? Do I have the wrong guy?

Same Great Shlomo
He finally finished his serial, and is working on his emojions

peloni almoni wrote on 27 Mar 2016 04:54:

You have the right guy. I have since morphed from being an odd bird into a happy face.

These last weeks have been different ....on one hand things seem to be improving ....on the other they arent .....i am always seeming to be two people at once ....one sincerely tries to do his best .....to understand that he has nothing to be full of and to just be decent ....and the other has given up on life and everything years ago .....and believes that i am too far gone to make a difference now ...even as opposed to others who might actually be doing worse things ....because i am well aware of these two trains of thought i feel inshould know better ....but often the negative side completely takes over .....logically (or really illogically) telling me that hope is just a way to get me to work harder than i do ....and i already do what i can ...or at least i think so ....sometimes i think i dont try hard enough at all though ....whenever i act out i donate a small amount to gye...i used to try to increase this till inwould stop out of money drain but it didnt work ....i try often now to just live in "the moment even if i already acted out ......i try to believe that every moment counts ....

Laughingman משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמחה - you have too many full stops in your sentences, too many obstacles, so I won't put any in mine, but will ask you - have you met anyone from gye personally yet?

Rooting for you, man. Have a good day. I will never forget you and daven for you often.

No unfortunatly i have not met anyone in person ....i live in the north of israel ....soo yeah ..

Im on day 8 today 

Pesach preperation times 
I had a thought that during pesach every jew in the world simulates addiction and withdrawal and going cold turkey, even though chametz is not something that is technically "bad for you or others" it represents regression (yetzer hara) and laziness. During matza baking they take breaks between batches ....it is organised and planned and beneficial. But during bread baking the dough itself has to be "lazy" and sit for hours and becomes more than it was even though nothing was added to it. During pesach we all go cold turkey on chametz and you can see how some people ממש go through withdrawel symptoms even though nowadays the manufacturers have taken nearly all the guesswork out of pesach meal planning ....especially if you eat kitniyot which in itself is being challenged.....during pesach we all get a taste of freedom from our insanities ...through careful checking and thoughtfulness .....but because everyone is doing it it gets alittle easier ...because everyone becomes part of the group thag is doing the same

There are at least a couple SA meetings in northern Israel, b"H. If you ever decide you need that, you would be able to find others who understand about life, lust, and about freedom from lust challenges.

I am NOT suggesting you go to meetings - I rarely do that for GYE guys for few of them are addicts. But I know you so I am just saying it is an option if you really want to meet other guys who understand.

I really should ...and i will call a number i have for an sa person in the north near me .....i dont like acting out at most its a 1 sec relief vs about at least 1 1/2 days of misery and a lifetime of adding to my acting out times ......and not to mention the damage to my neshama .....

I didnt end up calling anyone ....i simply ran out of time .....but i had more than enough time to fall and damage myself .....when i act out i am being selfish and i fail to learn to actually give to others including my family ....and i fail to remember to keep going through and give up my frustrations to G-d ....in effect that is what my avodah needs to be now ....to simply give my frustrations over to Him when i feel like using .....but i still didnt practice it enough