Hi Laughy!
Praying for you to have a nice day today and for your situation to get better in every way, at G-d's pace.

Thank you dov .....for teaching me that life itself is a demonstration of G-ds will

Me and my wife are no longer intimate ....period .....we both have alot of real issues ...it is super hard .....anyway she is nidea almost always ...and chronically ill

I just focus on helping to raise our children .....

Its possible alot of things ....but i pray that the same G-d who watched over me and gave me what i have will see my commitment and shine on all of us the geula

In my life i have constantly blamed myself for every negative outcome ...if i even had the slightest hand in turn of events ...i dont know any other way ....

All i do now is keep thinking back and realizing that worst of all i constantly denied myself any good by stopping providers of good from helping me out of paranoia .....

9494 wrote:


What do you mean

I suffer daily from bouts of extreme deppression ...and self loathing ....some have said that maybe that is my real addiction ....its simply that i realize .....mostly too late ...
what i am supposed to do.in a given situation ...especially in situations involving escalating emotions which i dont usually deal with well ...or at least i didnt .....now im sorta dead inside ..i see no real hope for myself ....i kinda only go on cause suicide is forbidden and i love my children ....and they really still need my help
....but how long can that last .....anyway what am i worried about ....with all the craziness going on ....if it keeps at this pace ....death is a bad bus ride away....G-d forbid

This sounds serious. Please be evaluated by a psychiatrist for depression. They say that 1 in 5 people suffer today from depression. Why should you suffer needlessly? I have seen so many people helped with some simple medications (will almost no side effects). It had a drastic effect on them and the depression disappeared! It's just a chemical imbalance in the brain. Make sure to take care of this ASAP. Depression is horrible!!

Good advice ...though i have alot of trouble following through on anything not family related nowadays

I kinda just get bouts of mood swings ....I might have bipolar plus .....havent found a solid therapist in years ...

I dont know what to do or say ......i just come here to vent and whine now .....

But i am being of service to my family ....and asking Hashem to take away selfishness ....and selfcentered feelings ....i dont know if my marriage can be saved ....

I pray that Hashem do what he will with me with mercy .....because my problems stem from an illness .....maybe not addiction .....but something ....is inherently wrong with me ....im not a bad guy .....i am sad that i have caused family members including my wife pain ......i also pray that i am given the opportunity and strength to make amends to those i hurt .....even unintentionally ....

And please insert into those prayers how grateful you are to God for giving you the opportunity to take care of your wife for so long, and that she and the family are constantly on your mind, and your primary focus in life is to provide for them, and although you may have stumbled from time to time, that does not diminish your efforts and your deeds and your progress.

Dov wrote:


Hi Dov,

Wasn't here for a while....

The Taphsic method was broken and I had to pay the price in full because of falling without doing the small things to keep me back, but never made one again, afraid that I'll have to pay it again.

I hope one day I'll decide otherwise, in the meantime I'm really struggling to get back up on my feet.

Never thought anything can be this hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I fell again which brought me back here.

Break Addiction wrote:
Care to come back here on days you're doing well too?

The problem is on the days I'm not doing well that's when I lack the coming here.

Break Addiction wrote:
i meant as in posting when things are going good. Seems you've been here a few weeks

How about starting your own thread share your story as we all did, and we can truck together

Right, like people don't go (l'havdil) to SA only when they're doing poorly. at least those with good, consistent sobriety.