ivdu es Hashem b'simchah...in all situations

chazak v'ematz

you give chizuk to us all

KOMT and KUTGW. May your wife have a Refua Sheleima and you shoud have Hatzlacha in all things.

Still clean even have had some problems with dreams and i ahve overcome that tooo

My wife might have some sort of chronic illness....as in permanently

Oh and i might lose a very important source of income

I dont know how much more i can deal with.....please pray for me

Shmuel yitzchok ben eliyahu moshe .....not kidding if things hold steady i might be able to pull out of this .....or i might lose everything....

We are having you in mind,


I wish you only the best, refuah shleimah, and only besuros tovos!!

and KOT, you're an inspriration to me!!

So heres an update on whats new

Things are seemingly temporarily ok or at least stable.....now i have the daunting task of making good on my temporary addition of time ....

I take care of a family and i am trying to set up a small business ....and i do mean small .....i am only capable of working short hours in a day.....

And my wife is gonna be assyr for the foreseeable future......and im at day 45-65 basically the thick of it and yes i try to take it one day at a time ....if i took a day an 10 minutes id crash like my car which as far as i can tell probably needs a new transmission .....fyi my spelling is off cause on the tab the weird bar at the bottom covers my words so im typing blind.... boooya!!!!

if you move the page down, that problem should go away.

KOT, KUTGW!

What's your mother's name? shmuel yitzchok ben...

Don't know what to say, but I will bli neder have you in mind.


If you mean the chat bar then all the way to the right there's a button to hide the bar.

mothers name is pela

im gonna digress completely off topic for a minute .....

maybe surprising to some but one of my inspirations to beat this problem and all that i face is the fictional character batman

because unlike the other early comic heroes ...he has no special powers .....he draws his abilities from working on himself both inthe past and in the present and he uses technology to overcome that which would otherwise be impossible ....all to become bigger then himself to those who prey on the helpless much like how we fight the inclination inside of us and against those who ally themselves with him

in real life my inspiration is rabbi akiva ....a man who at 40 in a time when comebacks in religion were unheard of he wentand made the sacrifices again and again out of a pure conviction that torah was like water that could carve out a stone ....worked against what must have been otherwise insurmountable odds only to be murdered at an advanced age and in doing so became greater then his tormentors could ever dream of in this world and of course the next .....even non-jews marvel at the stature of the text-book example of a man willing to give his life for the truth

Re- my last post .... i realize i went soemwhere weird with my though train here before i just feel that all of us here need to find something ...sometimes anything to inspire us to climb the mountain and beat the odds we are against....this is a war gentlemen! And the gloves are off....

Just goes to show that the work is never done....

I have had a slip today.....but i turned away from it before it was a fall ....a slip to me is a relapse toward past behavior that i have forbidden myself but that i stop before completely relapsing to a an action done in the past that was either a slip or a fall

Hense if i had seen something the week before i shouldnt for a minute and looked away and counted a fall then the next time i would have to either prevent it entirely or at least come to my senses faster

Of course im way past that point but just to give a background

This way i am always doing better....except for full on falls which rarely happen now i havent had a "" moment since april and i havent seen full on n***** since sometime june last year i was already winding down the time in spent watching***** which coincidently is sortve why i didnt really start the chart till april.....i wasnt really at chart level....but lately i have been coming back.....slipping sometimes but coming .....even after a slip i pray and say hispodidut like i G-d forbid did something worse...cause in the end i am mostly diappointing Him and i must ask for forgiveness for lapses.....also from myself...

All this and im still dealing with hard times although now i have a small amount of planning done on how to deal ...keep in mind i have no kosher outlet right now or for the forseeable future im cold turkeying myself ...but slow enough and deliberately enough to create a real foundation...so that soon i will stand clean an sober 1000% instead or a passing grade with slips....

keep climbing batman!

Lately i have been depressed about my car .....the gear might be broken and repars might be very expensive ....it may take a long time to save up that kind of money.....also a fender i broke i might have to repay insurance for soon.....all these things make me scared to drive ....and thats partly how i make a living ....among other things .....

I feel like acting out ....but im trying to hold it together ...i dont want to see anything i shouldnt.....

I am inspired by your commitment to stay clean in spite of your hardships. May Hashem reward you for your efforts and alleviate all your problems.

Hatzlacha,

MT