Since our generation has a stronger spiritual yetzer hara than ever trying to push us to yiush, we also have the potential to overcome that powerful pull.

And overcoming a yetzer hara that powerful is strong enough to bring Moshiach!

But what's YOUR answer, Cordy?
...keep 'Em comin' :-)

im still clean .....but im having a lot of shalom bayis issues ....on tisha bav


im not doing well pray for shmuel yitzchok ben pella

Me and my daughter just said some tehillim for you, Shmuel Yitzchok.

Sometimes, when everyone's resistance is low, (fasting, heat, etc) it can be helpful to just take the kids, and get out of the house. This way you both get some much needed breathing room.

Hang in there, bro!

It probably is the reason things are ok now.....also G-d is kind to me

I just was having a hard time ....i wanted to pray minchah and i had to help with something at the same time ......not everyone is entirely aware of my responsibilities as long as my wife is sick ....im not upset about them i embrace them ....if this is my calling it is a noble one .....but the timing is sometimes off ....sometimes cause of my own neglegence ..

I dont talk about it much with anyone in real life.....people are often unaware of what it is my family deals with daily .....its all good its tough but not impossible ....it only means that sometimes i have to do a arrand instead of making minyan....and i have an anxiety issue ......sometimes i yell....not severe abusively ....but my wife is sensitive to verbal stress above other stresses....i am still learning to adjust my anxiety issues ....and this lust issue ....which is obviously a response to stress...well im still clean....and tisha b av is behind us now ....but as always there are more projects now that the 9 days are over

Btw cordnoy .....i have heard a fantastic dvar torah on how we are zocheh moshiach when our forefathers did t ....i havr heard its analogous to a small person standing on a giants shoulder to reach a light ....the giant cant quite reach ....but with the small person......thats us ....we are tiny spiritually ....to our seemingly super human ancestors like the avot or david hamelech....but we face a different challenge then them ....pur reality is pitch black....yet we fight on clinging to whatever ray of light from G-d we even think we can find and we fight a losing battle ...only to be closer to Him .....and we admit our powerlessness....something other generations didnt feel as much....even though our tech is literally of their dreams ....

Yes...there are many ways of explainin' it...I'm not 100% sure your way, as you like to write in 'half-phrases,' but be it as it may, we know that we are the generation...ikvasa dimshichah is the heel....the heel which has no feelin's...that is certainly us, for we don't know what we're missin' at all, but it is our responsibility to bring it about, and the seforim write that the entire world was created just for our generation, so we gotta get up and get to work.

b'hatzlachah

Actually, Laughingman....I like your style....I see your 'half phrases' more like a run-on rant.....which is cool.....an unloading of what's on your mind as the ideas come....also, ya know, Cordnoy has his style of writin'.....Pidaini has his trademark phrases and smileys.....you're in good company....I guess some of you have ways to express your uniqueness here on gye....but on a more serious note, Laughingman. ....my heart goes out to you.....you say that you have symptoms.....that you call 'undiagnosed depression/anxiety'......and feel that it may lead to your unwanted yelling at spouse.....maybe consider what you CAN do to help yourself.....what are your options?......maybe by putting out you options here on gye, your friends here can suggest new ones....you're such a holy neshama......you deserve to be able to help yourself reach your potential.......and to be b'simcha.....tomid! ......keep an open mind, and keep on going.......MBM (moment by moment)

I like his style as well....I was just sayin' that I didn't understand the explanation.

Thanks

Laughingman - another great post... my family and I had a similar experience last year... we got @ 5" of rain in one day, with the ground already saturated... so much rain so fast caused the sewer main that runs near our house to run full (from rainwater leaking *into* the main)... as a result the sewage trying to get into the main from our (side) street had nowhere to go, so it backed up... our house is the bottom one on the block, closest to the main, and we have a bathroom down in our basement... and so the backed up sewage came released out of the first place it could find upstream, which was our bathroom toilet... it was unfortunately a fountain... two different times that day, which caused the dirty water to come up almost 3 feet above the floor... needless to say, *everything* was ruined, including washer/dryer, furnace, HW heater. We couldn't live in our house for a month after that... and seeing the water in the basement, and then a few days later watching a dump truck pull away with all of our basement possessions to be discarded... that was tough... I had lots of trouble after that with falling... but ultimately, I'd like to think it helped me build on my ability to deal with life's downs.

Sorry for going on about myself - hope this is helpful.

kol tuv,
Larry

I am sorry sometimes my writing is hard to understand ...i writes it how i thinks it ...and with my writers block im lucky i write at all ...

I am very aware of my problems that lead me to sholom bayis issues ....with my daily routine somewhat spontanious at times and other considerations i dont really have time for but to self help.....which partly accurs here


Larry im sorry that happened to you i know first hand the trauma from the shock of such occurances can linger for some time and snowball into other things

every day I sit and think all day how to come on my own to the reality that I wish o be a part of ...namely I try to improve every chance I get ....I feel that the essence of human today is to admit that most of us are severely damaged ....and not to fall into paralyzing depression for we also accomplish great things ....but to never feel complacent ...never to say "I have arrived" for I am still late ...

mitzvoth are like diamonds ...everywhere ....you just have to feel out for them

with all my failures I have 500+ days clear now ....that's till less than perfect by far ...but for many people they are not even aware that having days clean is positive ...that self control is higher than giving in to addiction and selfishness....and even though we stumble sometimes ...the fact that we feel upset about it is actually good as long as it doesn't grab us down more

I have been away a while ....having different issues really affect me badly in some instances ....things have been very up and down

so I didn't update because I was worried updating and focusing here might somehow affect me negatively ....

but after 2 weeks of finally "live and let G-d" I have stopped fearing for the moment ...I feel I can now update and say "clean" with feeling of positive growth and not just fearing a fall ....at least not right now ...I am right now living today .....even though my anxiety is working full force ...I know its just what it is ....and all I need to do is maybe rest or relax in some positive way .....and now I try to appreciate my wife in a way that for a long time I simply didn't permit myself too ....from feeling of unworthy ....but now I don't see it as a matter of worth ....we enjoy things not necessarily for ourselves per ce but rather to celebrate the effort others (e.g. our wives ,G-d although of course G-d has no "effort") have put into life so that we can have what little we have to enjoy soo that we don't crash

Just because i woke up alittle doesnt mean i am not in for a hike while the effects of my past behavior manifest ....both physically and mentally ....i am humbled by the sheer magnitude my actions have somwtimes ...and i only pray that He heals all our wounds soon

fell this past Shabbos ......have been having a lot of difficulty with schools for my kids and the cost of maintaining school supplies etc.

I have fulfilled with this post the requirements of my taphsic vows .....G-d willing from here on no more falls .....I know that giving in is pointless and only furthers my problems ....there is no solution in negative behavior or thought .....I am also having a hard time keeping up with my partners here on gye sometimes ....I am just soo super busy ....maybe as the school year sets in a rhythm will set in too

also still no treatment for my wife so far ...still testing ...or rather waiting for test results ....counting from the beginning that makes nearly 2 years of mild to severe illness with no official diagnosis and no treatment

Hi Laughingman....Always good to read your shares......sounds pressurizing-start of school year, wife's health, etc.......sorry 2 hear about the fall.....well, may it only be uphill from here.....Please, keep sharing.................and keep laughing!!!