Well the thing is i am actually in the middle of getting her tested for a number of things but for the moment thats only one of the problems ....it will probably be a while till we get her diagnosed for all of her things but in the mean time she is perpetually nida till this is taken care of but there is alot of "you need to test c to see b and then treat a" going on and medical here is somewhat slower than i would like

That and i am under alot of debts and my inco.e might not stay the level it is now long enough to cover things as it does now ....

On the other hand everything i have now is only because He has givwn to me throughout the years even when i wasnt rying full on like i am now to stay sober .....i may have fallen a few times but those like i have said earlier are actually fences so that i stay sober ...though i am never going to be not ill ...only in treatment ...because my problems stem from an issue which is half genetic and half manufactured in the form of wrong medicine...just means i can never feel "done" with this ...which is fine cause once one falls one has to remain on guard

I had a fall on shabbat....but it was more involuntary than not ....i hope what i do through taphsic will help me to never repeat again....

I know you see alot of the same types of people here i try to remember that we are all unique in how life brought us here struggling against something soo in bred in todays world that fighting sometimes seems pointless ....but progress is never pointless

I made it to 90 once i will do it again

Sorry to hear about your fall....

What happened? What do you mean "it was more involuntary than not"?

Keep o trucking!!!! On day at a time. Baby steps count too! 15 minutes counts too!

It was during sleep or exaustion i wasnt concious but at the same time i was thinking wierd and i didnt try to set my thoughts right

I might not be seeking things but unfortunatly my mind is photo memory capable which makes purifying my thoughts a must

I sympathize. chaver, and understand more than you may know with the process you and your wife are going through right now. Our tefilos are with you and if you wish to PM me her name, my wife and I will put her on our list.

Continued hatzlocha, chaver. You are truly a good man.

Yesterday i got another one of her tests done ....and there is a major thing at a well known clinic next week....but getting all the dominoes on that is getting alittle tougher than i thought ....and i dont think its easy

i wish i did everything perfect sometimes......

I live everyday in anxiety and nervousness.....i try not to let it go to anyone but also i dont have opportunity to talk about it much

Can you talk a little bit here about how much you love her, please? I think it is important specifically here.

Please PM me if you want us to use her name, chaver.

of course i love her i try to let all my actions reflect that everyday

my whole purpose of moving out here (besides the religious implications) was to help her sure i complain on here about things that are frustrating but that doesnt change that most of my day i spend taking care of her/working cause i love her

im always worried im not doing enough

i also love G-d and i try to show this by following though on my commitment to this process here and all my teshuva processes

Oh, boy. I never asked you at all whether you love your wife, gevalt. Why did you write "of course I love her"? All I suggested is that you to elaborate here a bit about how much you love her and what that means to you.

And then you did. So I think that's great. It sounds to me that she is a very fortunate woman to be married to you, and that the love between the two of you is really a deep, meaningful connection, b"H, as hashem clearly 'wants' married couples to have...but many have very little recognition of their love and connection to each other. And many may have it, but do not say it. My wife and I say it to each other every now and then, just to express ourselves in machshovah as well as in dibbur and in ma'aseh.

I relate to your anxiety and pain, chaver. It must weigh very heavily on you, gevalt. I have been unable to sleep, laying in my bed at times, worried about my wife's health when issues came up. The feeling of anxiety is gripping and hard to describe. Very hard.

May Hashem help us accept the present with both hands, one day at a time, and to live in real reality instead of in the sensible fears and imaginations that we will simply not be able to handle whatever outcomes the future may hold.

Today is a much better place to actually live in and be useful in, than tomorrow is.

Much love and respect, chaver.

Im sorry if my posts make it seem like im coming from way left field ......i live on anxiety.....in fact i have anxiety disorder whichin plain english means i an anxious from nothing even.....alll the more so how life is going now.....


I lost money today......real money ....just poof ....out of my pocket....it wasnt a huge amount ....just enough that i have to re-evaluate my week ......

I still am not falling ....i wont let it happen .....

It seems you missed this in my post just above (altered a bit for clarity).

Dov wrote:


Hatzlocha

I have had a very difficult time the last few days keeping up with my commitments to not fall recently...

The pressure has been getting to me more than usual


The greatest challenge is mostly at night so i have commited from here on to make it easier to keep away from electronics at night except around people ......i keep feeling down from my last falls .....i know all the chizuk....its still hard to just accept and move on .....i know its all y'h and its mission to make it difficult as this is my test .....B 'H i have tehillim on my phone to keep me company

As far as my wife we didnt get the diagnosis we were hoping would lead to better meds yet but they are reffering upwards to more specialists ....meaning more appointments....and more time ....

We are with you. Refua Sheleima and Hatzlacha in all things.