I am reaching 90 this Shabbat! I love what you wrote. Bring it to a higher level. In the past few weeks I have realized again and again that the next slip or fall can be just around the corner if I am not careful.

I am not esteemed, and not Guard. But I will weigh in and say what I think.

You are doing great! Hatzlocha and enjoy working this sweet avodah each day, my chaver. It's different than mine, as I am an addict and you are in the majority that is here - people who have a yetzer hora and can have Hashem's help to control it.

But remember to do whatever it takes to retain humility and recognition that what you have been given is a gift.

Keep on shetiging-by the way, your slogan of "Face the book" is a great idea! Just take one day at a time and you too can reach 90 days!

Dov,
One thing that struck me since my early days on this site is that the principles that you are constantly espousing to us that come from the 12 Steps are really things that *any* faithful Jew should follow... addict or not, with lust problem or not. That is my greatest takeaway since starting out here... and believe me, I'm still just starting to internalize these things... but man, have they been helpful to me... I hit 90 days today! Mazal tov to everyone - especially to thatguy and laughingman, whom I've joined in getting to this point.

So, a big yasher koach to you and everyone else here whose posts have contributed so much to helping me develop and maintain a more proper hashkafa on this.

Today

Sometimes the toughest times are not on day one or day 90 its on random day 97 1/2 that suddenly all your old feelings comeback ....and you find yourself almost giving up but then like the parable of the guy who isnt supposed to eat the kings honey ...you stop yourself and remember that this achievement isnt so easg to give up on ....the ytzer tells you it is ...but its not ....simple ....you stop smelling the honey and you seal it back and you remind yourself that this too is achievement and you go back and have a chanuka miracle....thats what chanuka is really not might over armed force but over extreme temptation .....the greeks were offering unlimited p***" much like the net today and the chashmonaim brought the people much like guard back to the "light" of torah to stop thinking about the ease and come back to Hashem who is the only true light

so i have reported on the wall that i had a fall

just to be clear once again i am going off-track and declaring a fall where according to the rules as stated on the site i wouldnt have to declare anything but in the interest of seeing my own growth to a new stage where i now try to keep zero tolerance on myself ....i think i am ready to be more free

the incident which sparked this is actually a non-voluntary night occurance .....but that coupled with a few slip ups in the last few days has prompted me to take this action that and it is now shovavim time .....the perfect time to renew my commitment to eradicate this problem with in myself

You indeed are an inspiration to us mortals!

zero tolerance is not always wise. It can backfire.

Do not worry

I have actually been working on this for years

Unbelievable how my life is not what i expected to be and i am working on the best project i could be working on....

Still i wish my wife wasnt sick

I have it harder than it could be cause i have no outlet .....not for most of the last two years ..

Doing what im doing ...and learning to understand myself ....and life and even my own psychological flaws .....through the different experiances i have and reading others experiances here and really getting what a life long test this is ....i am lucky i have only been really dealing with this for 12 years altogether ....not problems per se but the whole picture ...problems arose maybe 6 years ago....and i have been here battling those problems down for 4 years now .....i have been reading dovs posts and now i start to understand why he said what he said and his septism ......and i started to see things from a birds eye and understand .....and accepted that while i was having issues ....and i still have some although nothing like before ....i have made strides that someonly dream of .....an only because He loves me ....even though i am how i am .....and becauee i move ever foward ....the chevra who run here like dov and guard cant imagine the reward for those who resurect mitzvot ....and im sure with success comes ever increased challenge no one her should think its earier for them then the rest of us or anyone ......the higher the climb.....

Continued hatzlocha chaver!

What does one do if there is a possibility thatt one will never be able to sleep with his wife again

What does 'one' do?

What a broad and general question!

First off, is your wife well?

Is this question lema'aseh? Or just theoretical?

I will assume the 'one' you refer to is yourself, and that this question is not at all theoretical. So:

Shlav 1:

Would the abstinence be for health or other such circumstances - or because she intentionally refuses to have sex with you? The response is a lot different, though some aspects of the 'problem' are the same.

Is your worry that you will have a hard time dealing with the fear of lack of sex?

Or do you believe that not having the opportunity for sex will lead to to sin?

Or are you afraid of being afraid of not ever being able to have sex again?

Shlav 2:

My wife and I had a significant period of voluntary sexual abstinence just because sex was becoming too big a deal. I was sober a bunch of years at that time (years earlier, we had the nasty kind of one-sided abstinence because she was shocked and angry and were way past that for many years then - so this was something entirely different).

Voluntary abstinence meant she went to the mikvah and we learned how to go to sleep together without getting sexual or lustful. More than a few months passed. We grew much, much closer than sex could have gotten us.

Because I am a bit ill.

Normal people probably do not need this. Hashem has already given us sexual abstinence every month (niddah) that we choose to do (so it is voluntary, as all of our avodas Hashem is ultimately voluntary (bechirah), even if we give up our voluntary-ness by the yir'as Shomayim of 'kofoh aleihem har k'gigis' then that giving up was still voluntary!). Hashemlikes periods of abstinence...but the four months+ of it - that is for sick people like me who want more peace of mind and are willing to give up a lot for it.

Peace is worth it.

But something tells me you are not looking for this, but are having some sort of problem that will take sex away from you.

Is your question about widowers - how do they stay clean for decades?

They do, you know...unless they were sexaholics to begin with and never got sober (sometimes we never know of them - many sexaholics are suffering secretly, and they are eventually going to be masturbating zaidy's, old talmidei chachomim, old amaratzim, etc.)

Gevalt. Can you be a bit more direct - or is this not the right venue, being an open forum? That may very well be. I respect that.

Or am I completely misreading you on this?

Best wishes, chaver!!