I need everyones help here , I am a single bachur who is up there in age. I truly believe my single-hood is due to me not being "clean" consistently. I have read almost every chazal on this topic and have had my ups and downs in this area. If everyone here can help me stay strong I have zero doubt that by 90 days (hopefully before than) I will be engaged or would have met my true aishes chayil. I obviously understand that the road to success in this area should not be contingent on external desires , rather on doing the will of hashem for he knows what is truly best for us. However, I believe my single-hood is directly related to my lack of elevation in this are. Please help me truly make this the "8th Time" !!! Amen !

p.s my name on the charts is also "8th Time"

Dear 8th time,

I'm running out to mincha and don't have time to respond in detail to your post, just wanting to wish you a warm WELCOME!

Dear 8th time,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up!

Don't worry. When the Pasuk says that a Tzadik falls 7 times and gets up, they meant 8 times too! 

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to truly help you break free. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

A warm welcome to you! You have chosen the right place I think! Congratulations! From now on its only up!

BTW,  I have also heard that these type of problems we have separate you from your (future) spouse! Do not know who said it, or where this information would be from.

/SO

Welcome!!!

Welcome, 8th time.

Good luck.

Thanks for responding. Anybody willing to "hold my hand" on my journey to "kick the habit " ?

Hey, we're all holding your hand! Everybody, let's join hands with Mr.8th and dance!  :D

If you're looking for a phone or e-mail accountability partner, try here.

Hey, I love dancing!! I am so in on this!  ;D

Dear 8th,

Firstly, welcome to GYE. As you probably know by now, there is no leaving GYE (trust me on this, I tried). Once you're here, you're here to stay and we'll always stick to your side.

Your connecting your lack of a clean streak to not being married may not be out of line. Though not being married at your age might be depressing in a sense, knowing that this is your opportunity to combat your challenges before getting married and therefore making your marriage a more meaningful one founded on love and relationship, is a more positive outlook that will come to your benefit. Many addicts who have not combated their addiction before marriage have only met disaster when they realized with shock that their problems didn't disappear. The opportunity that you have right now is a blessing; one that you will be most grateful for many years to come.

In addition, let me note; that when a person makes positive changes towards improvement on his yiddishkeit as well as in his character, this makes the vessel for him to find his aishes chayil. This concept is found in many seforim and I stand by it (message me if you want the exact source). I therefore join with you and "have zero doubt" that you will be engaged or would have met your true aishes chayil by the time you finish your 90-day journey!

I wish you lots of success in your journey! Oh, and please stay close-by.  

2B

Thank you so much for your kind and direct words "Tomim" . I am going to need your help in once and for all leaving the past behind. Every action I take needs to be met with the question "Will this action be even slightly detrimental to my quest for purity". Thanks for your help. How do i get the sources ?

Welcome 8th!! Great to have you along.

As you'll quickly notice, we are all willing to "hold your hand". But that's not how it works here. At GYE we "hold each others hands"!!!! Your not alone, not anymore!! Welcome to GYE!!

going into shabbos be"h 10 days 100 % pure !!! , my zivug is coming !!!

Amazing!! What a way to greet Shabbos!!!

warmest welcome dearest chaver,
I found posting on the forum to be absolutely vital to my 90 days!
May the Almighty "hold you in His Right Hand" and guide you in your quest for purity and holiness.
U r in my prayers
Noorah