Funny you say that, because sometimes I feel the same way.  It's kinda managable.... but, you are correct, it's really not.  I guess that's how I kept falling.  It seemed "managable", but quickly became unmanagable.

i understand you jack
i had that feeling too, at that time
did you ever read the book "the light of efraim"?

what is 'light of efraim' about?

hard to explain in a nutshell
but its to the point

(about a baal tsuveh that had marriage problems, then revealed its all because mast****, and how he recovered and saved his marriage, and the severity of the sin, etc....)

dear holy warriors,
  some people on this forum think that they are being shunned because they are not 12 steppers.well, in my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth.as proof, i will say i'm not a 12 stepper, and i dont feel at all that people here are not interested in me.just the opposite is true! r' guard wants me to succeed just like he wants everyopne else here to succeed.and everyone who 'knows' me here has tried to help me go forward.and i was never, not once, criticized for not being a 12 stepper.i'm a jew who needs help, and i believe i got it, and continue to get it from this forum.
love you all, jack

i dont mean to say that there's no chachma in the 12 steps - i mean to say for me, the group support works the best of anything that's out there.

VERY IMPORTANT YEDIAH

somebody just wrote to me and, after having read my story, told me that my recovery work sounded so easy.well, i'm glad he told me that, because i want to go on record saying that if anyone thinks i had it easy, or have it easy, THEY ARE MISTAKEN. i told him it was like torture, because it was.at the current moment, it might not be torture anymore, but please, please, dont think it's easy.it's easiER than before, no doubt about it.
i told him:
1 - get someone to speak to.
2 - you can't do it alone - you need group support
3 - you're not the only frum person who has this challenge
4 - exert a little effort every day - this effort will build up and be put to good use

jack

think of it this way - DO WE WANT TO BE SLAVES?? want to go back to mitzrayim?  you like the cucumbers and the sesame etc?
it's better to be without those and be free!!! jack, you hear me? am i coming in loud and clear??

Loud and clear.  This is one of my greatest motivations not to slip.
Initial withdrawal and recovery was soooo hard.  Torture.

I'm just not willing to go through it ever again.

One day at a time.

wait a minute - i wasn;t talking to anybody out there specifically, i was talking to MYSELF!!! ok, so you overheard what i said...

jack - listen to me, ok? think man, THINK!! what will be born from your actions if you succumb to your addiction?? answer:
1 - you will become once again tied , chained like lot, who was chained (shalsheles on vayismama)
2 - you wont be able to concentrate
3 - your mind will not be aBLE TO GET OFF THOSE images
4 - you'll want to go back again and again
in short, your life will become unmanageable
it's unmanageable now? because of the desire to succumb?
it will be even MORE unmanageable if you succumb.
so decide, do you want to do that to yourself again?

The shots in the dark are so hard.
Good luck! You can do it! one step at a time...

hey jack,
check out this link:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/JackSimcha.mp3
keep on rocking and rolling!

hey zemiros (mind if i call you by your first name?), with people like you rooting for me, how can i NOT rock & roll? it's YOU guys who keep me going - dont ever ever forget that.i dont for a minute!!

an idea - for the one second per day that the yetzer hara leaves you alone, why not run with the ball? keep that feeling.why wake up the sleeping bear that is your addiction? why expose yourself to triggers?
just thinking out loud guys