I wish you all a k'siva v'chasima tova l'alter l'chaim tovim uleshalom!  Thank you all for your sincere friendship, help, advice, encouragement, jokes, and laughter.  I have benefitted from it all.  I look forward to cointinued growth together into next year and beyond.  May Hashem hear our tefillos and end all evil and suffering.

Wishing you all a sweet new year,

gibbor

amen!
a happy sweet right now to you and yours and a ksiva vechasima tova to same!

Ok, here's my next question...

Recently, Shteeble posted this from yechida (amar shteeble amar yechida amar Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin, Psy.D. ) : www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4503.msg120785#msg120785

It is an article about the psycological reasons behind acting out.  For a long time, I was very interested in knowing the reasons behind my acting out.  Did it have to do with my childhood, my school experience, my parent's divorce etc.  When I came to this site, I heard things like, "live in the solution, not in the problem", "Just keep on trukin"... I began to think that it doesn't matter why. Don't look back, stay in the present, and move forward.

Now I am rethinking to what extent is it valuable to understand the reasons behind acting out?  I can see how being preoccupied wtih it can be counter productive.  Does it really matter why?  It needs to be fixed - period.  On the other hand, understanding the source of the problem seems to be essential in fixing it (IMHO).

I thought this part of the article was especially good.




I am interested to hear what the oilam has to say about this.  Especially, Reb Yid who was the catalyst for it (i think).  I had similar school experience although I'm don't know if I have ADHD.  I was hyperactive and had trouble focusing on my work.  I was frequently in trouble for not doing work and/or misbehavior.  I think my misbehaviour was mostly a survival technique for work I didn't feel I could do or didn't want to do.

I am actually pretty smart and did very well in high school and beyond.  I am well respected in my work place as a smart fellow.  People do not beleive me when I tell them that I was almost thrown out of elementary school.

Well guys, whaddaya think?

hi reb Gibbor, a happy and uplifting 5772 to you.

another good and interesting topic you got there. here is a mareh mokom:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3440.0

other than that i don't have much to add and await the Big Lights of GYE to shine their 90,000 lumens-LED-light on this

If it has not been declared yet, I make a motion to make ZS our official GYE librarian!

do i have to wear reading glasses, a pencil in my ear and say Shhhhhh every half hour?

This is not a normal library if you haven't noticed, just about anything goes... unless someone reports it to the moderator .

Just my own 2 cents...

I think the battle needs to be separated into Strategy and Tactics (i.e. long-term and short-term goals). It's important and good to understand the history and psychology of how our problems developed, but very often trying to use that knowledge to deflect a fantasy or acting-out at the moment is ineffective or even counter-productive.

Understanding how our childhood issues (in my case loneliness, shyness, lack of fatherly affection, etc.) can help us repair these things and in the long run may lessen the feelings and attractions that lead us to act out. but in the heat of the moment when i find myself staring or fantasizing i find that trying to give myself awhole speech about my inner child needing the love i never had etc. takes too long, and may just make me feel bad about myself and need it even more. I just have to tell myself "NO!!! I DON"T DO THAT ANYMORE!!!" and give myself a mental (and sometimes actual) slap in the face. And I just start thinking about my truck instead, it's almost 90 days and I don't want to crash and lose it all...

And as I like to say, these things are explanations, not excuses....

KOMT!!!!!

Gevura!

So, you are saying, for a general approach to growth (filling that void etc) - yes the reasons can help.  But, out on the battle field - just KOT!

gibbor120 wrote on 03 Oct 2011 16:42:

that sounds like a good and wise approach, imho

I'd like to add a point along the lines of something reb yid and others were discussing recnetly - labels.  They can be debilitating if they are used as an excuse for failure.  They can also be liberating if we realize that there are reasons for our past behaviour and we are not a failure.

Perhaps, here too, knowing that there are underlying reasons for our acting out can either be used to excuse it.  Or it can be used to alleviate our feelings of guilt and yiyush, ultimately giving us strength to move on.

The part I'm still wondering about is, does it help in developing a recovery plan.  Or is the recovery part the same no matter what the source of the problem is?

Anyone notice I made HERO MEMBER 5 posts ago?!  I only wish being a hero in real life was that easy .

you are my hero hundreds of posts ago

Thanks! YMMS = you make me smile ... and sometimes laugh til my gut hurts too .

mazel Tov Gibbor!