at day 37 i feel like busting please friends pray for me to reach the next step in 3 days 

is there any physical thing you can do to cool yourself down when turned on

MDM!! What are you talking about?? Do you know where you are? You are already at 45 DAYS!!! I didn't update the chart from 37 only because I didn't hear from you and wasn't sure what the situation was. But now that you're still clean since the 20th of Tishrei, you are already 45 days clean! That's half way to 90!!!

On Day 46, jack wrote:

a gut yur to everyone. today is my 46th day.i've passed the half-way mark to my goal of 90 days and beyond. it has not been an easy ride - just ask elya or mevakesh or guard, and they will tell you that i'm not having an easy time at all. as guard said to me in an email, i am feeling what death is like, but it's the death of my yetzer hara. it's not a pleasant feeling. but i'm waiting for the end of the tunnel - i heard there is light there.

Jack made it to 90 yesterday, and, like I wrote in the Chizuk e-mail, if he can do it, we ALL can. He suffers from so many things!

You're a ben-Melech. Remember that. It doesn't "pas" for us to wallow in the mud where all the lowest goyim spend their lives, and eternity. In shichvas zera rotachas.
Think of all the low lifes who desire these things. What could already be so good about it, if the lowest of the low desire it?

Look in a mirror. See yourself in third person, from the outside, as if you were looking at someone else who desired this. Feel bad for him. And think to yourself "Do I care what someone else wants?" Be mechazek the jew in the mirror, and tell him that it will pass. Life is just a dream.

Happy are those who give their hearts to Hashem.

Is there any physical thing to do? Well, besides what I wrote in my previous post, there's the two "Turn Off Pages" as a last resort.
See Tip #11 on this page.

One of the previous Karlin Rebbe's was once served an expensive dish of cooked pigeon. When he felt Nimshach after the Taavah, he stopped himself and began to think about all the places the bird hung out, in garbage, in excrement. And he thought about the things the bird ate, worms, insects, until the Rebbe began to gag and pushed away the plate.

This is a segulah when desperate.

Dear MDM, I just updated your chart to 45 days, Level 5! And i crowned you with the crown of "Goborei Koach Oseh Devaro".

Ashrei Chelkecha.

Davka when the struggle is hard and all seems dark, that's when you are shooting up to the highest madregos. You just don't feel it, but it's an opportune time to ask hashem for whatever you need. Call to him for help. He is right next to you.

dear mdm, dont give in! the image in my head is of all those people marching to the train from the ghetto - with sores on their feet, typhus, etc.but they went on! and some of them made it.how they made it, dont ask me, but they made it.that march must have been very hard.and the journey in the train to the camps which took 3 days, being packed in like sardines, with no sanitary conditions, and no food and no light - for 3 days. and then they endured years in the camps, surrounded by death and disease.and a large number survived (350,000 i think) to start anew. if they made it through all that, we see it is possible to get through some of the worst suffering imaginable - much more than holding back zera.
i'm sorry to bring this up, but i was brought up in the home of a holocaust survivor, which was not pleasant. but i learned some lessons there, and the images from the holocaust have never left my brain, even though i wasn't there. jack

in order to really live, we must kill ourselves. sound like an oxymoron? well it's a chazal that everybody knows. horotze lichyos, yamis es atzmo! and for ANY addict, not succumbing to the temptation is like dying.and we cant die alone, right, we need someone to be there with us. well, we on the forum are with you while you 'kill yourself'. but it's really living.the alcoholic says 'if i dont have another drink, i'm going to die'. but in reality, that next drink will kill him. jack

thank you chevra what an honor to make it to the next level
you should have seen the bewilderment in my colleague's face when he saw me crying as i read the post of GUE
well i am out of it now
thank you Jack and GUE for your quick response

MDM, for you alone, our whole site would be worth it!

Of course to live through your life only to accomplish that you helped a person to serve hashem your earned a lifetime
multiply that by all the people (the tens who are in touch and the hundreds just peeking) who get chizuk from your site an emails you
GYE it wont be a chidush to learn in olem haboh that your goal in this world was to pull people out of this garbage
well if so your doing pretty well mister!

Thank you! You give me strength to continue!

well going 49 feels like sefira time

Wow, that IS special. It says Hashem waited 49 days before giving the Torah. 49 days is 7 weeks, kinged the 7 days of Niddah. It takes 49 days to break away from Tumas Mitzrayim and be Zoche to the Torah on the 50th day! Jack's 50th day was Simchas Torah (in Israel) - isn't that amazing?

That makes me think, I will change Level 5 to 50 days instead of 40. So you have Level 4 - one month, Level 5 - 50 days, Level 6 - 70 days... hmmm.... but 40 days is also significant, like the Mishna Brurah writes about regilus... What do you think MDM?

BTW. when you hit 70 days, kineged SOD - I will make you a global moderator of this forum!

Thanks GYE for the honor you plan to give me at 70 days
But it appears to me that this is premature
It is like informing me that you will admire me at my 70th birthday
Every day feels like the utmost Nisoiyon
I think that EVERY DAY from 50 until 70 is harder the 50 days before
Which sums the hardship of reaching 70, equal to 50??

Accordingly to be more realistic let's make the goal 53.
The Remez of this can be, 52 is the gematria of DOG and ANIMAL (כלב, בהמה)
Therefore when I reach 53 I have proven to myself that my human assets are still active.

thank you anyway

Ok, MDM. Let me know when you hit 53 and I'll do it :-)
Remember, there will come a point (after about 90 days) where it becomes much easier. It's all in the mind. Once you convince your mind that these behaviors are no longer an option, it suddenly becomes 100 times easier. That's why a strong filter is so important. It helps a lot in knowing that it just isn't an option anymore. Have you find a filter that works for you?