Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

A man who was out of job, walked down to a zoo to seek for a job, he discovered that the zoo had an unusual position that they wanted to fill, one of their Gorillas had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed some to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for few days.His job was just to sit, eat and sleep, they got him a gorilla suit; he wore it and was led into the cage and his work started. He took a position and later got tired, walked up and down and tried few gorilla noises. As he did this, people threw peanuts at him, being that he loves peanut, he did more fascinating things...crowd grew and more peanuts were thrown at him...he was carried away as he jumped from a tree branch in the cage to another.Suddenly, the branch broke and he landed on d lion's then; he saw an angry looking lion about 20 feet away from him, he was really terrified, he shouted "Help! Help!! Help!!! Get me out of here I'm not really a gorilla, I'm a man in gorilla suit...heeelp!"The lion quickly pounced on him, held him down and said ''Will you shut up! you are going to get the both of us fired!"

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 14 Jan 2025 15:02:

This one stuck in my head. I know this is a joke thread on a joke forum, but I wanted to be mtzayin a choshuve mareh mekom: guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/Dov/Dov's%20Recovery%20Talks/Addiction%20vs.%20Yetzer%20Hara.mp3

Maybe the secret is to stop trying to "quit".

TzaddikVikam, I hope it's ok if I add a little joke here
Three older ladies were sitting around discussing how much their children love them and how important they are in the lives of their children. 
The first lady says, "My son, I'm such an important part of his life that he wants me to be as close to him as possible. So he went and bought a multi-million dollar mansion right next to his home, so I can come stay there whenever I have the chance"
The second lady says, "I'm so important to my son, that he spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to get the whole family on a three week cruise in the Caribbean just to make me happy"
The third lady says, "That's nothing! My son spends the past 20 years going twice a week to a top-notch therapist, paying $500 a session, and all he talks about is me!"

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 15 Jan 2025 06:15:

Reminds me of the story with Santa that R’ Moshe Weinberger recently repeated. Lol

ki sorisa wrote on 16 Jan 2025 03:31:

...?

Life Insurance Agent:Don't let me frighten you into a decision.
Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever lived, and why? " And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars ". All of the kids called out their guesses. One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country. " "That's excellent " said the teacher. Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves. " "That's also good " said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite. One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France." "Another excellent choice", said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"
Abraham said "Jesus Christ. " The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars. " And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus. Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who ever lived, but... business is business! "

Husband: "I love you so much, I could never live without you."
Wife: "Is that you or the beer talking?"
Husband: "Its me talking to the beer."

What do skver and North Korea have in common?