A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 07 Jan 2025 07:54:



i Remember a teacher told me “you must make a 360 with your behavior”. I said no problem

Whats the difference between the current and former President?

Nachum, Nachum'ke, and Nachum'l were on a boat.
Nachum and Nachum'ke fell off the boat.
Who was left on the boat?

Whats the difference between a shlumiel, a shlumazel, and a nudnik?

A shlumazel is walking with a pot of soup.
The shlumiel bumps into the shlumazel and spills the soup all over him.
Then the nudnik passes by and asks what type of soup it was.

Basya (bas Pharoah) went to the bank,

Operator: 911 whats your emergency?
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, I need an ambulance.
Operator: Whats your location?
Man: I'm on Eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that for me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to Pine Street and call right back.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 05:42:

I want to know what kind of bird comes out of an egg laid in such a nest....

You actually clicked every spoiler?
Didn't expect anyone to do that.
How long did it take?

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 17:02:

May have taken a peek at the source code 

BenHashemBH wrote on 08 Jan 2025 17:16:

cheater

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 05:42:

You are absolutely mad. And there was I waiting to see the joke at the end.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

A spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The women's group decided that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The men's group, however, concluded that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

I was at the library and asked if they have any books on "paranoia", the librarian replied, "yes, they are right behind you"